# GRHASTHA ASRAMA ## Preparing for Marriage 67-10 "The *brahmacarini asrama* is not yet started. You should not bother about it at the present moment. When the *brahmacarini asrama* is established then you should consider going. Most probably I will go to San Francisco directly from India. When I am there I shall see if your presence is actually required there. In the meantime you can continue with your painting as usual and enjoy the spiritual life. In the scriptures it is said that the woman is just like fire and the man is like a butter pot. The butter melts in the pot while in contact with the fire. In your country association of man and woman is very common without restriction; thus the result is known to you better than I am able to explain. In spiritual life attraction of man and woman in the understanding of material body hampers very much, therefore some sort of restrictions are necessary to check this hampering problem. ==In spiritual life there is no allowance of association of man and woman without being married."== ([[letters/1967/671026_jadurani|Jadurani, 26 October, 1967]]) *** 67-11 "You have written to say that your wife and you have a problem on which you require my help. The whole world beginning with the highest planet to the lowest in the material world is facing this problem. The combination of husband and wife is a necessary satisfaction of the sex urge. The foolish people see every day this problematic situation but still they are not intelligent enough to avoid it. Training of *brahmacari* life is especially meant for this purpose and the student is advised not to indulge in sex life just to avoid these problems. ==It is very difficult to satisfy a woman by a person who has no income, neither very good health.== The women as a class wants sufficient means to eat and decorate and at the same time full satisfaction of sex. Any husband who cannot satisfy his wife by these 3 items, namely: sufficient food, sufficient dress and ornament and sufficient satisfaction of sex must meet all these problems and as soon as one becomes engaged in solving these problems it is very difficult to make any progress in Krsna consciousness. If one is serious to make any success in the matter of Krsna consciousness one should avoid the association of women as far as possible. ==Married life is a sort of license to the incapable man who cannot avoid sex life. On this statement you can understand your real position.== I do not agree with your wife's statement that New York is unfit for human habitation. A real Lord Krsna conscious person can adjust things nicely even in hell. A fully Krsna conscious person is always in transcendental position and he is not afraid of any place which is so-called unfit for human habitation. A Krsna conscious person is always satisfied whether in Vaikuntha or in hell. His satisfaction is not the place but his sincere service attitude towards Krsna. I have no objection if your wife and you go to San Francisco and live there peacefully as man and wife and concentrate your attention for Krsna consciousness." ([[letters/1967/671113_gargamuni|Gargamuni, 13 November, 1967]]) ==67-12 "I'm anxious to know about Damodara, what happens to him. If he is in need of sex, who forbids him? A man in sex life is not neglected by us. The only thing we want is that sex life can be allowed only in married couples. So get him convinced about it."== ([[letters/1967/671221_rayarama|Rayarama, 21 December, 1967]]) *** 68-01 "I am in due receipt of your letter dated 1/15/68 and I have noted the contents, especially the activities of *maya,* carefully. The Krsna consciousness movement is actually declaration of war against *maya.* The conditioned souls who wanted to enjoy this material world are captivated by the sex desires. If one wants to get out of this material existence, he must control sex desire. The whole scheme of Vedic civilization is based on this principle of controlling sex desire. There were 4 orders of life, *brahmacari, grhastha, vanaprastha,* and *sannyasa.* The majority of the orders namely *brahmacari, vanaprastha* and *sannyasa* are forbidden sex life. Only the householders are allowed sex life. That is also restricted. That means sex life is condemned throughout because that is the cause of material bondage. The feeling of sex life in young boys and girls is quite natural, but one has to check such sex life by reason, argument and knowledge. The married boys and girls are there—in our Society sex life is not forbidden. If Jagatananda is feeling sex urge so urgently even at the age of 16 or 17, he must be prepared to take the responsibility of married life. When I was in India, Gargamuni wrote me plainly like that, and I at once allowed him to get married. Now I see that boy and girl, Gargamuni and Karunamayi, are living happily. So if Jagatananda is after that nice girl Lilasukha he must arrange for marrying her. Otherwise, where is the solution? I cannot allow in our Society any nonsense like illicit sex life at any circumstance. ==Jagatananda must subdue his sex desire by constant chanting of Hare Krsna and praying to Krsna to help him. If not he must be prepared to marry and take the responsibility fully.== As his elder brother you will please instruct him of my desire. Actually, the association of young boys and girls is very much disruptive for *brahmacari* life, but in your country it is impossible to stop free mixing of young boys and girls. So voluntarily they have to check these sex desires until they are married. If they are strong enough in Krsna consciousness any amount of sex urge will not disturb them. Even if it disturbs, it will come and go. Krsna is Madana-mohana or the enchanter of Cupid. And Cupid is the god of sex desire. So if anyone wants to enchant Cupid, instead of being enchanted by Cupid, he must take shelter of the enchanter of Cupid, Sri Krsna." ([[letters/1968/680121_brahmananda|Brahmananda, 21 January, 1968]]) *** 68-10 "Regarding Florida: There is very good chance to open a branch there, and they have invited us, and ten or fifteen people are ready to attend our meetings, so I am thinking of sending Mahapurusa there, with some other assistant. Another thing, this is of course, private, that Hayagriva may be willing to marry one of our *brahmacarinis.* So I shall be glad to hear from you which *brahmacarini* you may suggest suitable for Hayagriva. In fact, ==unless our brahmacaris are very adamant remaining as brahmacari, I shall recommend everyone to marry. Because these girls generally come to our Society to find a suitable husband, so there is no harm to live as husband and wife,== as Mukunda, Gurudasa, and Syamasundara, they are living very nicely. Similarly, others, as Murari is also living. So this is not bad. But if one can live as *brahmacari,* that is very good. So you can suggest me privately which girl can be suitable for Hayagriva." ([[letters/1968/681006_brahmananda|Brahmananda, 6 October, 1968]]) *** 68-10 "Regarding your enemy, Mr. Lust: I have noted the difficulties, but we should always remember that Krsna is stronger than any demon, and Mr. Lust, or his father or his grandfather, nobody can do anything provided we take shelter of Krsna very tightly. Now so far your personal matter is concerned, you are a *brahmacari,* you can marry at any time, and in New York, all the nice girls, they are actually very suitable for our students, and I encourage that all the *brahmacaris* may be very responsible, and marry one of the girls. Because generally the girls desire good husbands, a good home, children, that is their natural propensity, so we want to show some ideal householders also. But the proposal that marriage will solve the question of lust, is not practical. Neither the wife should be accepted as a machine for satisfying our lust. The marriage tie should be taken as very sacred. One who marries for subduing lust is mistaken. Because lust cannot be satisfied simply by indulging in sense gratification. It is compared with that extinguishing the fire with large amount of petrol. For the time being, the fire may appear to be extinguished by pouring a large quantity of petrol, but the petrol itself is so dangerous that at any time, it can be in flame. So to subdue lust is a different process. Then you have to take to Deity worship. Krsna is Madan-Mohan. You have already stated in your letter, it is very nice, that you would much prefer to channel all your desires to Krsna, and you ask me how is this possible when enveloped in *maya,* seeing only material forms. You have also written to say that if you can see the Absolute Beauty which is all-attractive, then you could not help but be attracted and would scorn mundane beauty. This is actually the remedy. So you may take immediately to the *arcana,* the Deity worship. Kīrtanānanda Maharaja has also begun Deity worship in New Vrndavana, and Pradyumna knows how he is doing, and similarly, in New York, Brahmananda is also engaged now in the Deity worship, and the process is a little difficult in the beginning, but once habituated, it is not at all difficult. ==So apart from the marriage proposal, you may immediately take to Deity worship.== I am sending herewith one copy of the process of Deity worship, and compiled by Brahmananda that will help you, and Pradyumna also knows; so combined together, you immediately begin Deity worship as Kīrtanānanda and Brahmananda are doing, and ==I am sure this process, helped by your regular chanting, will kill Mr. Lust, rest assured.== Of course, when you begin, I am at your service always and will give you suggestions and ways and means to make progress in the Deity worship, but you can immediately adopt this principle." ([[letters/1968/681007_hayagriva|Hayagriva, 7 October, 1968]]) *** 68-11 =="I am in due receipt of your letter. I think you should consult your Godbrothers in this connection. So I have no objection if you decide to marry as a matter of necessity. Hope you are all well. Please convey my blessings to all boys and girls."== ([[letters/1968/681106_uddhava|Uddhava, 6 November, 1968]]) *** 68-11 "I also understand that you do not want to get married now, but if you marry at all, you should marry now. Because after the age of 30, marriage is not so pleasing. Practically I am giving in charge the different centers to the *grhasthas.* ==If you decide to marry, there are many devotee girls, and one of them may be a very nice companion for your devotional life. You prefer to be free but a devotee wife is as good as freedom.== The *grhastha* disciples, just like Syamasundara, Mukunda, and Gurudasa, with their wives, are doing very nicely in London. Similarly Dayananda and his wife Nandarani are doing very nicely here. Similarly Satsvarupa and his wife Jadurani are doing very nicely in Boston. Another *grhastha,* Gaurasundara, has gone to Hawaii, and his wife may go there also, and he will organize the Pacific region." ([[letters/1968/681108_hayagriva|Hayagriva, 8 November, 1968]]) *** 68-12 =="I have also noted that you write to say that you are having trouble with sex agitation. Why you do not marry then? Either you become grhastha or what other choice is there? Either you train yourself and pray to Krsna, begging that you may remain brahmacari or else get yourself married."== ([[letters/1968/681202_upendra|Upendra, 2 December, 1968]]) *** 68-12 "In your letter you have made it clear that you are finding some difficulty with sex desire and have asked guidance from me to instruct you how to handle this problem of the material body. First of all I think you should know that such problems are not very unnatural because in the body the conditioned soul is very prone to failure. But also we must remember that such failure will not discourage us from executing the most important mission of our life, to become fully Krsna conscious. So whatever fall-down has been, you should be regretful about it, but it is not so serious nor is it a permanent disqualification. But you must try to check yourself from such artificial things and take full shelter of the lotus feet of Krsna. I think that for such checking, marriage is the only solution. It is understood that everyone has some nasty habits but by sticking to Krsna consciousness, chanting our required rounds loudly, and tending the Deities, these items will surely save you. So always be seriously engaged in serving Krsna and pray to Krsna to help you with your frailties. But I think that marriage is the solution with no other alternative. If you are married you can continue to practice all the items of worship and with more peace of mind, so such solution, along with redoubled efforts to serve nicely and be very pleasing unto Krsna, these things will help you. I have always known you as very good, sincere boy so with utmost seriousness you must consider these points and act upon them. I shall hope to be hearing again from you soon on this matter. P.S. ==It is my open advice for everyone who is disturbed by sex, they must take the responsibility of married life."== ([[letters/1968/681209_upendra|Upendra, 9 December, 1968]]) *** 68-12 "From your letter I can understand that you are anxious to become householder and this is very good. ==We require so many householders to set the example for others, how in Krsna consciousness we can live peacefully and sanely, even in married life. Also, we require so many Krsna conscious children== to show how nicely and beautifully a child can develop when he is following the principles of God consciousness. So your decision is very good, but at the moment we have many girls too young or they are engaged or they are too old. There are a few nice girls who are available, specifically, Tulasi devi and Anuradha devi but both of them have little babies and Tulasi devi is, I think, a little older than you are. So if you like we may ask these girls if they are just now desirous of marrying. Or else you may wait for an eligible girl who I am not thinking of, or who will show up soon, so as soon as she shows up we shall make arrangements in this regard. Also, we are planning to open a school for teaching our Krsna conscious children and I understand Satyabhama devi has some qualifications as a teacher. This school may be set up either in New Vrndavana or Los Angeles so please ask her to tell me about her teaching qualifications and what she thinks of this idea. Please convey my blessings to all devotees there, especially Paramananda, Dayala Nitai, and Satyabhama, whom I have not heard from in some time. I hope this finds you all in good health." ([[letters/1968/681211_krsna_dasa|Krsna dasa, 11 December, 1968]]) *** 68-12 =="From your letter I can understand that you are anxious to become householder and this is very good. We require so many householders to set example to others how in Krsna consciousness we can live peacefully and sanely, even in married life. Also, we require so many Krsna conscious children to show how nicely and beautifully a child can develop when he is following the principles of God consciousness."== ([[letters/1968/681211_nandakisora|Nandakisora, 11 December, 1968]]) *** 68-12 "Regarding your thoughts of marriage, ==I== think that for the present time you should take your mind away from such conceptions. Marriage is not so important. Your age is not so ripened that marriage is required. Try to remain as brahmacari, that is important.== There will be many girls available in the future, so there will be no difficulty in finding a wife if you are desiring in this way. So try to remain a *brahmacari* as far as possible. If you should still be very eager, then you may write to Brahmananda in New York because in June there should be a few girls there who will be finished with schooling and available for marriage." ([[letters/1968/681229_nandakisora|Nanda Kisora, 29 December, 1968]]) *** 69-01 "I am very glad to note when you write to say that both you and Himavati miss your sleep and go to bed late. By Krsna's grace, Himavati is not only beautiful externally, but she is beautiful within also. Otherwise, how can she say that you may have the license for sense gratification but what will you do with this license? ==A brahmacari is good for living a life of celibacy, but a person who can live a life of celibacy in the presence of a beautiful and obliging wife is more than a brahmacari.== Of course, anyone who is stuck up with only one wife is also called *brahmacari.* You will set a very good example if both of you agree not to have sense gratification any more and still you remain as husband and wife together. This is possible, however, only if both of you are fixed up in Krsna consciousness activities. I thank you very much for your sincere endeavor to do this activity." ([[letters/1969/690112_kirtanananda|Hamsaduta, 12 January, 1969]]) *** 69-02 "So far as your occasionally getting agitation from *maya,* the answer is very simple; one must either strictly control his senses, or else he must get himself married. ==If one is strong enough in Krsna consciousness, then there is no reason to become grhastha, but if one is still disturbed by sex desire, then marriage is the only other possibility.== But if one is still *brahmacari,* then he must be sure to follow all of the rules and regulations very strictly. There is no place in spiritual life for cheating in this matter. Caitanya Mahaprabhu has never criticized a householder for having sex life for the purpose of bearing children. But when it came to Junior Haridasa, who was posing as *sannyasa* but was still engaging in lustful thoughts, Lord Caitanya would not tolerate, and Junior Haridasa was banished from the association of the Lord. So this is very important that we remain very firm in our vow of *brahmacari,* or if this is very difficult, then householder life is the next satisfactory solution." ([[letters/1969/690208_hrsikesa|Hrsikesa, 8 February, 1969]]) *** 69-04 "I am very glad that you are thinking of marrying. Why don't you marry one Krsna conscious girl? I think instead of going to India, you should find out some Krsna conscious girl, either from America or Canada. We have got so many nice girls in Krsna consciousness, and she will help you in your further advancement. You are already accustomed to the climate in this part of the world and you have got a nice job. Therefore, I would recommend you to get married here. Lord Ramacandra once said that wife can be found in every country: *dese dese kalatratrani—dese dese* means that in every country, and *kalatratrani,* means wives. So all the *ksatriyas* married in different countries. Of course you are not expected to have many wives in different countries, but if you have one wife in one country that does not hamper. But ==I== recommend you to marry one Krsna conscious girl from our group. Then you will be happy."== ([[letters/1969/690430_isanadas|Gopala Krsna, 30 April, 1969]]) ==69-05 "You have mentioned that you may be interested in marriage, and if you think that you should marry, there is no question of living as an artificial brahmacari."== ([[letters/1969/690508_sivananda|Sivananda, 8 May, 1969]]) ==69-06 "I can understand the disturbance of your mind, but why keep yourself in such artificial disturbance? You can become a householder. That is not prohibited.== There are so many good examples of householders, and similarly you can become a householder. Our principle is to enter into the family of Krsna. In the Vaikuntha world there are many devotees who have their wife, but they are so much absorbed in Krsna consciousness that they forget the idea of sex life. Anyway, instead of being agitated in mind, it is better to become a married man and in peaceful mind execute Krsna consciousness. That is my verdict, and ever since I started this movement I have encouraged marriage to so many disciples. So there is no hindrance in this respect, and you can do the needful." ([[letters/1969/690603_madhudvisa|Madhudvisa, 3 June, 1969]]) *** 69-06 "I am very glad to hear about Sacisutas activities. He is very intelligent and serious devotee, but due to his past habits, he is a little flickering. ==I think if there is any suitable girl, you can negotiate for his marriage, and then he will be fixed-up. He has got various capacities, and he can help our movement very much,== but as he is a little restless, try to help him be very serious and get a wife amongst our Krsna conscious girls. Please convey my thanks to him as he is doing very well in Buffalo." ([[letters/1969/690616_rupanuga|Rupanuga, 16 June, 1969]]) *** 69-06 "From your statement, it appears that you do not expect to do anything with *Back to Godhead* magazine after number twenty-nine because it is in the hands of Brahmananda. I cannot follow what you mean by this. Everything is Krsna's business. It is not my business, nor Brahmananda's, nor Hayagriva's. It is the business of Krsna, and we want to serve Him in the best way. I wanted to save the monthly expenditure of $600 for some other business, but that does not mean that you shall cease to work as one of the editors of *Back to Godhead.* You say that much of your time will be engaged in earning money, but that does not mean you have to cease your service to Krsna. You are praying for Krsna's blessings in order to serve me better, but when Krsna speaks through me, you hesitate to accept the words. I do not know why you should work at all if you want to remain *brahmacari.* Here is an ideal *brahmacari* with me. He works day and night with me. Why don't you become a *brahmacari* like him and come here? One who is a householder, he has to work because he has to maintain a wife and children at home. But for a *brahmacari* why should he take the botheration of working simply for the matter of satisfying the belly? So far as belly satisfaction is concerned, that is already arranged by Krsna. Krsna is supplying food to the birds and beasts so why should He not supply a *brahmacari* food? Food is not a problem. ==So my advice to you is that either you become a regular house-holder, giving 50% of your earnings to Krsna, 25% for family, and 25% for savings, or else you strictly follow the principles of brahmacari life.== *A brahmacari* has nothing to do except serve his spiritual master. That is the injunction of the *Bhagavata. A brahmacari* is supposed to work as a menial servant of his spiritual master and whatever collection he gets, it becomes the spiritual master's property, not the *brahmacari's.* That is real *brahmacari* life. If a *brahmacari* earns money for his sense gratification, that is not *brahmacari* life. Better one should become householder and live peacefully. So far as work is concerned, you have got more than sufficient work with me. You have got a good qualification for editing literary works and we have sufficient engagement for that purpose. Formerly you were very much eager to transfer yourself from New York to Los Angeles because of considerations for your health. Now when I say that you may come here, there is a nice room for you, and work here day and night, I do not know what is the cause that you do not come. But still I request you that you give up all other engagements, come here and fully engage yourself in editorial work. So far as eating is concerned, I don't think there will be any scarcity. I think this suggestion will be the best for you, and you should come here at once. You say that your mind unfortunately runs away now and then. That is the business of the mind, but if you simply fix up your mind on the lotus feet of Krsna, the rascal mind cannot disturb you any more. My Guru Maharaja used to say that just rise early in the morning and then kick the mind with a shoe 100 times. Then while going to sleep one should take a broomstick and strike the mind another 100 times. The mind is so restless, that it can be brought to tameness only by the process suggested by Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura. So you should try this process and stop the mind from running away now and then. If you follow the process of Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati naturally he will help you in controlling the mind and bestow all his blessings upon you. I thank you for your appreciation that you accept me on the superhuman platform and this will compel you to believe in God etc. So if you are convinced about this fact, then I request you to come here immediately. And if you agree to come here, then you may bring some goods with you, which I shall list for you upon hearing your favorable reply. May Krsna bless you with good sense, and I hope surely He will do so." ([[letters/1969/690629_rayarama|Rayarama, 29 June, 1969]]) *** 69-07 "Regarding your question about marriage, the thing is that I am a *sannyasi,* I am not concerned with family life, but because I want to see my disciples very happy in Krsna consciousness, therefore, those who are feeling some sexual disturbance are requested by me to get themselves married. Another principle is that those who are *brahmacaris* should sacrifice all of their income and collection for the Krsna consciousness movement, whereas those who are married should work, earning money as much as possible, and at least 50% should be spent for the Krsna consciousness movement. ==So we have no objection for allowing you to get married, but it is up to you to consider if you will work hard and earn money both for Krsna and for your family. You cannot get married and at the same time do not earn money. Of course, by preaching sankirtana movement if you are satisfied with a small income, that is also nice.== I think that your Godbrother, Rupanuga is an ideal householder and you should try to follow him." ([[letters/1969/690705_sacisuta|Sacisuta, 5 July, 1969]]) *** 69-07 "So far as human frailties are concerned, they can all be adjusted by dovetailing everything in Krsna consciousness. ==Our Krsna is a great family personality. Krsna is never a mendicant, and our ambition is to enter into Krsna's family and to associate with Him personally.== In spiritual life also there are men and women. They are very beautiful and attractive but they are all so much absorbed in thought of Krsna that in the spiritual world there is no sex life. That means that Krsna consciousness is so sublime and happy that it surpasses the pleasure of sex life. In the material world, because there is no information of Krsna consciousness, sex life is taken as the highest pleasurable situation. Anyway, in our philosophy we prohibit illicit sex life and not sex life itself. In Krsna consciousness there are many illustrious householders. ==So to marry and to become an exemplary householder is the ideal life of Krsna consciousness.== If the girl who is willing to marry you becomes Krsna conscious, and as I think you are already Krsna conscious, it will be a nice combination, provided you live under bona fide guidance. I am very much pleased that you wish to live under my guidance, and if you actually follow then I can nicely direct you, even in your married life." ([[letters/1969/690710_giriraja|James Doody, 10 July, 1969]]) *** 69-09 "I am pleased that you are doing nicely in Philadelphia temple, and Subala has written to me that you are a great help to him there. Regarding Rohini devi, don't worry about her. ==Perhaps Krsna wishes you to remain brahmacari.== You were not willing to marry, but she insisted. Now she has been taken away by her father; so you may take it as Krsna's desire. If you decide to remain as *brahmacari,* then I may call you back for my personal assistance when I return to the States. I was very much pleased with your service. May Krsna bless you more and more." ([[letters/1969/690922_sethji|Sridhama, 22 September, 1969]]) *** 69-11 "Krsna consciousness is not limited within any circle. *Brahmacari, grhasthas* or *sannyasi,* everyone is eligible for cultivating Krsna consciousness. There are these stages for gradual development of control of the strong senses in the material environment. But any order of life suitable for a particular person in which he can most favorably execute his Krsna consciousness is the best position to take up. Generally if one can remain a *brahmacari,* it is very convenient, and from *brahmacari* one can take *sannyasa.* ==But in this Age of Kali, Bhaktivinoda Thakura recommends that it is better to cultivate Krsna consciousness as a householder."== ([[letters/1969/691102_hayagriva_vamanadeva_pradyumna|Mandali Bhadra, 2 November, 1969]]) *** 69-11 "Regarding your marriage, it is my open opinion that if anyone can remain a *brahmacari* all the time, without being disturbed by sex urge, or who can tolerate such urges, there is not any need for him to marry and take some extra responsibilities. But ==one who is disturbed in mind, he must get himself married. Therefore, it has to be decided by oneself if he should marry or not marry.== It is a fact however that if one is thoroughly engaged in Krsna's service, this sex urge does not have much disturbance. But you have got to work outside with the *karmis* ====and different types of people. Under the circumstances, if you have a good wife to help you, that will be very nice. Another difficulty is that in modern civilization everyone is independent spirited. The girls are no longer very much humble and submissive to their husbands. So you must be prepared to tolerate such whims of your future wife. According to our Vedic civilization, disagreements between husband and wife is not taken very seriously. But the modern age allows divorce even, either by the husband or the wife. These things are not good. But after marrying, certainly there will be some disagreement or misunderstanding between husband and wife. So consider all these points and you can decide yourself. But if you marry, I have no objection as I have gotten married so many boys and girls and they are living very peacefully. If you marry one Canadian girl, your citizenship will be immediately made, without waiting for time. That is the law in the USA I do not know what it is in Canada." ([[letters/1969/691126_aniruddha|Gopala Krsna, 26 November, 1969]]) ==70-01 "Regarding your marriage, I have all sanction for it, but I do not know what is the legal implication. Besides that, the girl is not initiated. But if she is working very obediently in the temple, there is no impediment in your being married with her and she may be initiated later on."== ([[letters/1970/700109_raktaka|Raktak, 9 January, 1970]]) ==70-02 "My open advice is that if anyone can remain a brahmacari that is very nice, but there is no need of artificial brahmacaris.== In *Bhagavad-gita* it is stated that one who exhibits outwardly as self restrained, but inwardly he thinks of sense gratification he is condemned as *mithyacara* which means false pretender. We do not want any false pretenders in numbers, but we want a single sincere soul. There is no harm in accepting a wife and living without any disturbance of the mind and thus sincerely advancing in Krsna consciousness." ([[letters/1970/700202_sumati_morarjee|Lalita Kumara, 2 February, 1970]]) *** 70-03 "Marriage or no marriage, that is not our problem. ==If we find it suitable that by marrying one will be able to serve better than by not marrying, then one must marry—that is our principle.== So as you are thinking that accepting Jyotirmayee as your wife you will be happy and your duties in Krsna consciousness will be enthused, then I have got all sanction and you do it. I know that all my spiritual children are doing very nicely as *grhasthas,* and similarly I hope you shall be doing better after your marriage." ([[letters/1970/700304_hanuman_prasad_poddar|Tamala Krsna, 4 March, 1970]]) *** 70-03 "I do not think that Hamsaduta is pressing you for marriage. ==Marriage is a concession for a person who cannot control his sex desires. Of course it is a difficult job for the boys in this country because they have free access to intermingling with the girls.== Under the circumstances it is my open order for everyone that everyone can marry without any artificial pose. But if somebody is able to remain a *brahmacari* there should not be any canvassing for his marriage. But at the mature age say after fifty years old, everyone should separate from wife. Married life does not mean that one should continue to live with the wife throughout the whole life; at a certain stage, say between twenty to twenty-five years, one may accept a wife, live with her to the maximum age of fifty years, and then there should be no more sex relationship—stringently. And at the mature old age, say sixty-five to seventy years, everyone must accept the renounced order of *sannyasa,* if not in dress, then in action positively. Our students, either *brahmacari* or *grhasthas,* are being trained up for constant engagement in Krsna consciousness service without any personal interest. This is perfect order of *sannyasa.* So if everyone is trained up in this line of action, all of us are *sannyasis* in all circumstances. This is explained in the *Bhagavad-gita* that anyone who is not after the result of any action, but simply he acts as a matter of duty for Krsna, he is a factual *sannyasi* and yogi. So whatever status of life we may accept, the principle of working for Krsna as a matter of duty, without being attracted by the result—should be followed by us." ([[letters/1970/700307_trivikrama|Trivikrama, 7 March, 1970]]) *** 70-04 "Looking on women is not an impediment to spiritual progress, but looking on women with a view of sense gratification is detrimental. The actual fact is that attachment for sense gratification is not at all congenial for spiritual progress. In this country intermingling with women is very easy and sometimes our mind becomes agitated. Therefore, we have to take little precaution and the best precaution is to raise oneself in Krsna consciousness. Lord Caitanya said that His mind becomes agitated even by seeing a wooden model. By seeing women, if one's mind is agitated then that is quite natural. If you take the words of Lord Caitanya that His mind is agitated by seeing a wooden model, then what to speak of us by seeing actual women. The real fact is therefore that we have to check oneself by advancement of Krsna consciousness. But ==if it becomes too difficult for us, then one should get himself married and thus check his sex disturbance and peacefully prosecute Krsna consciousness.== But if one can avoid sex life and the attachment is overturned for Krsna consciousness, his position is very laudable. So there is no need of becoming hypocrite; better one can get himself married and be peaceful." ([[letters/1970/700417_jayapataka|Jayapataka, 17 April, 1970]]) ==71-02 "You write to say that you are too much absorbed in temporal thoughts of sex life. If that is the case, then perhaps you should get yourself married.== In Krsna consciousness we do not artificially repress any desires, but that everything can be used in Krsna's service is our philosophy. My Guru Maharaja made *sannyasis* to go out and preach this movement and I am making householder couples and they are doing so nicely to spread Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhus message. So if you are so inclined and you can find a suitable girl, then you have my permission to get yourself married." ([[letters/1971/710224_gargamuni|Minaketana, 24 February, 1971]]) ==71-03 "Yes, if Karandhara has recommended it, both you and Narada Muni dasa may get yourselves married. I have no objection. But you must be sure that you can meet all the responsibilities of household life; then it is all right."== ([[letters/1971/710325_sukadeva|Sukadeva, 25 March, 1971]]) ==71-07 "So far as Radhaballabha getting himself married, you must first discuss with him that this marriage business is not a farce, but it must be taken very seriously. There is no question of divorce, and if he will promise not to separate from his wife, then my sanction for the marriage is there; otherwise not. Recently too many couples have been drifting into maya's waters, and it is very discouraging. So if he will agree on these points, then you can perform the marriage with my blessings."== ([[letters/1971/710705_hrdayananda|Hrdayananda, 5 July, 1971]]) *** 71-07 "The two marriages recommended by you may be performed at that time as well, but only after having sufficiently counselled the respective devotees. This marriage business should not be taken as a farce, but is a very serious matter. Recently so many couples have been cast adrift by the waves *of mayas* influence. That is hard to check, but still the devotees must realize the responsibilities of household life. And there is no question of separation. Too much of this has been happening and I am very much displeased. So ==if they are promising not to separate under any circumstances, but to work cooperatively in the service if the Lord, then my sanction is there for their marriage, and my blessings as well. Otherwise not."== ([[letters/1971/710707_bhagavan|Bhagavan dasa, 7 July, 1971]]) *** 71-07 "So far your marriage is concerned, I have no objection, but ==you must agree that you will never separate but work cooperatively throughout your lives in Krsna consciousness. This marriage ceremony is serious business and not to be taken lightly.== You must remain strong in Krsnas service, then household life is very nice; otherwise to be cast adrift by *maya's* influence is a piteous thing. So stay strong in Krsna's service by chanting your sixteen rounds of beads without fail, reading our literatures, going for street *sankirtana,* etc. In this way be engaged fully in Krsna's service and you will be happy in life and in the end go back home, back to Godhead." ([[letters/1971/710708_gopala_krsna|Batu Gopata, 8 July, 1971]]) *** 71-08 "So far as your getting yourself married, I have no objection provided you agree to some points. First of all ==you must promise that you will not separate under any circumstances. This marriage is serious business and not to be taken lightly.== There is no question of separation in Krsna conscious marriages. Therefore I am asking all those who want to be married that they sign one paper promising that there will be no separation. Karandhara Prabhu can be consulted in this connection and he should draw up such document in the manner Rupanuga has done in NY. Then, if you are feeling able to handle the responsibilities of *grhastha* life, you can go ahead with the ceremony immediately and with my blessings." ([[letters/1971/710808_madhukantha|Madhukantha, 8 August, 1971]]) *** 71-09 "So far your getting yourself married is concerned, I have no objection if it meets with Karandharas approval. It appears that Lilasakti is a very good preacher, so help each other to become better and better preachers of this Krsna consciousness movement. Don't fall astray. ==Separation is absolutely forbidden at any time. Always think of Krsna and be happy."== ([[letters/1971/710925_madhucara|Madhucara, 25 September, 1971]]) *** 72-01 "If you and your wife want to have children for raising them in Krsna consciousness, and if you are prepared to take full responsibility for delivering them from the clutches of birth and death, then I have no objection. ==I have allowed my disciples to marry as a concession for having household life, because you American boys and girls are accustomed to mix freely with one another, so what can I do?== But *brahmacari* life or celibacy is better, because if the semina is saved it fertilizes the brain for sharpening the memory, and if there is good memory, our Krsna consciousness becomes perfect: hearing, chanting, remembering—that is the process." ([[letters/1972/720120_sri_govinda|Sri Govinda dasa, 20 January, 1972]]) *** 72-02 "I am in due receipt of your letters dated January 14 and January 24, 1972, and your telegram requesting marriage. I have no objection, and you have my blessings. Actually, most of my best managers are *grhasthas,* because they have a natural propensity to manage, so if you have got that also, and if you think together you and your wife can open a very nice center there in Djakarta and serve Krsna together nicely, and if your other Godbrothers are recommending, then why not marry that girl. ==But one thing is that you shall have to be from now on fully responsible for protecting her and giving her Krsna consciousness, and there shall never be any separation, that is our condition. So if you are willing to follow this condition, I have no objection."== ([[letters/1972/720215_amogha|Amogha, 15 February, 1972]]) *** 72-02 "This *brahmacari* system is there, but if one is not so strong, then he is allowed to marry, but he must expect that the after effects will always be troublesome. Everywhere I see people, man and wife with family, and all of them they suffer, but still they go on producing more. Sex means trouble. Therefore one should become *dhira* and don't be attracted by this sex life. Henceforward, ==anyone proposing to marry must produce some outside income and live outside the temple, they must know this in advance and be prepared to carry such burden. Let them be married, but at their own risk.== I cannot sanction anymore. My Guru Maharaja never allowed, but when I came to your country it was a special circumstance so I gave concession, but I am not so much inclined anymore, so I shall not sanction, but they may marry on their own risk of knowing that such arrangement is always troublesome." ([[letters/1972/720228_harsarani|Harsarani, 28 February, 1972]]) *** 72-02 "I am so much disgusted by this troublesome business of marriage, because nearly every day I receive some complaint from husband or wife, and practically this is not my business as *sannyasi* to be marriage counsellor; so henceforward I am not sanctioning any more marriages, and ==those who want to marry must know in advance and be prepared to make outside income to support wife and home separately from the temple.== In the temple husband and wife shall live separately, that must be or what is the meaning of spiritual society like ours? I made a concession, but how can I encourage something which has proven to be so much trouble?" ([[letters/1972/720228_kirtiraja|Kirtiraja, 28 February, 1972]]) *** 72-07 "Your husband has gone back from London, being completely overcome by family separation. So there is no need of living separately. Both of you, husband and wife, live together and render the best service to the Lord. ==We have never discouraged family life, so both of you are intelligent and can make your plan. Keep your situation fit for rendering service to the Lord more enthusiastically. That is my desire."== ([[letters/1972/720708_nandarani|Nandarani, 8 July, 1972]]) *** 72-11 "In our Vedic science of living, it is enjoined that the society should be organized in such a way to protect women, children, old people and cows, because factually all of them are innocent. So children have parents, elderly persons must have grown up children to protect them, and woman must have husband. And it is recommended they should be married at very early age, then the wife will remain always chaste and devoted to her husband. At such young age, from the first night onwards, she can never for a moment forget him, being still child and unspoiled, therefore she becomes the perfect chaste wife, and in those times the wife was so much devoted to her husband that she would voluntarily die in the fire of his cremation, unable to live without him. ==Myself, I was very young when I got married, and my wife was 11 years only.== But there is no question of separation in our marriage belief, neither your daughter will ever be separated from that boy, that is their vow. Rather, it is when people are a little grown-up, when they have got little independence and their own ways of doing things, then if they marry there is often difficulty to adjust, just as it is more difficult to bend the bamboo when it is yellow. So I can assure you that you may have nothing to fear that your daughter has married such a nice boy." ([[letters/1972/721107_tamala_krsna_giriraja_manusvi|Mr. Loy, 7 November, 1972]]) *** 72-12 "I note that you are requesting to take the *sannyasa* order of life. But if you have got wife, that will be difficult. If someone devotee has got wife, that will not become a very popular policy to grant so easily *sannyasa.* ==And if your wife wants many children, that is the only purpose for getting married to wife, to have facility for sex-life, otherwise what is the use for taking so much botheration of married life?== So now you are married man, that decision you have made. That is great responsibility, and that should not become so light matter that anyone may think, 'Oh!!, let me get married and if I don't like my wife, or there is anything difficulty, I will write Prabhupāda for taking *sannyasa,* finished. Never-mind wife, let her go to hell.' That is not very nice proposal. ==Married life is serious business.== If you have taken wife, you must be completely responsible for her throughout your life. She shall always serve and obey you without fail, and you shall instruct her in Krsna consciousness and act as her spiritual master. Otherwise, without husband, women have great difficulty to make spiritual advancement. So if we have to develop a perfect society of scientific arrangement for making spiritual progress, then so many women will be there, so what shall they do? They have also come to Krsna, we cannot reject them. Therefore I have advised my students to get themselves married. I was householder, my Guru Maharaja was life-long *brahmacari.* But we are doing the same work of preaching Krsna consciousness, so what is the difference, *grhastha* and *brahmacari?* Actual *sannyasa* means that he has given everything to Krsna, so practically you are already *sannyasa.* But if you have got wife, and if she is very desirous to raise children, she will not be very happy if you go away. That is not our business, to create havoc, no. If wife is very strong, she will appreciate if you take *sannyasa,* but if there is question at all, that should be avoided. Just like I never liked my wife, but I knew it was my duty to stick until my sons were grown-up, then I left. But if you give your wife one child, then she will be happy and she will have some life-long occupation, that you must consider. But at least you can wait until I come there next time, then we shall see further." ([[letters/1972/721217_danavir|Danavir, 17 December, 1972]]) *** 73-02 =="Your question in regard to marriage, we must impress upon the parties involved that Krsna conscious marriage is not some cheap thing that may be embraced whimsically and at any time thrown off. The boy and girl must be willing to accept each other for life and be prepared to get a job if need be and live in an outside apartment and raise children. These points should be emphasized."== ([[letters/1973/730219_kirtika|Satsvarupa, 19 February, 1973]]) *** 75-01 "I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated December 22nd, 1972, and I have noted the contents with care. For these questions arising between married husband and wife, you are requesting me to leave your wife and take the *vanaprastha* order of life, for these questions you must consult with and take permission from presidents and GBC. Yes, I know your wife Lilasakti, and I know that she is very serious and advanced disciple. But now you are married to her, there is some obligation according to our Krsna consciousness or Vedic system. These things cannot be taken so lightly, otherwise the whole thing will become a farce. Simply get married without considering what is the serious nature of married life, then if there is little disturbance, or if I do not like my wife or my husband, let me go away, everyone else is doing like that. So in this way the whole thing is becoming a farce. You say that your 'association together was hindering your advancement.' But Krsna consciousness marriage system should not be taken in that way, that if there is any botheration that means something is hindering my spiritual progress, no. Once it is adopted, the *grhastha* life, even it may be troublesome at times, it must be fulfilled as my occupational duty. Of course, it is better to remain unmarried, celibate. But so many women are coming, we cannot reject them. If someone comes to Krsna it is our duty to give them protection. Krsna has informed us in *Bhagavad-gita* that even women and *sudras* and other inferior classes of men can take refuge in Him. So the problem is there, the women must have a husband to give protection. Of course, if the women can remain unmarried, and if there is suitable arrangement for the temple to protect them, just like in the Christian Church there is nunnery for systematic program of engaging the ladies and protecting them, that is also nice. But if there is sex desire, how to control it? Women are normally very lusty, more lusty than men, and they are weaker sex, it is difficult for them to make spiritual advancement without the help of husband. For so many reasons, our women must have husband. That's all right, but if once they have got a husband he goes away so quickly, that will not be very much happy for them. Now I do not know the situation in your particular case, I am simply giving you the general policy or background understanding. We should never think of our so-called advancement as being conditioned by or dependent upon some set of material circumstances such as marriage, *vanaprastha,* or this or that. Mature understanding of Krsna consciousness means that whatever condition of life I am in at present, that is Krsna's special mercy upon me, therefore let me take advantage in the best way possible to spread this Krsna consciousness movement and conduct my spiritual master's mission. If I consider my own personal progress or happiness or any other thing personal, that is material consideration. If there was unhappy adjustment for becoming married, why you get married at all? Whatever is done, is done, that is a fact, but I am only pointing out that once before you did something without proper study of your real responsibility, now you are contemplating again some drastic action in a similar manner. Therefore consider it carefully in this light. There is one verse from *Bhagavad-gita:* yasmān nodvijate lokolokān nodvijate ca yaùharṅāmarṅa-bhayodvegairmukto yaù sa ca me priyaù 'He for whom no one is put into difficulty and who is not disturbed by anxiety, who is steady in happiness and distress, is very dear to Me.' (12.15) One mistake of judgement often made by the neophyte devotees is that any time there is some disturbance or some difficulty they are considering that the conditions or the external circumstances under which the difficulty took place are the cause of the difficulty itself. That is not the fact. In this material world there is always some difficulty, no matter in this situation or that situation. Therefore simply by changing my status of occupation or my status of life, that will not help anything. Because the real fact is that if there is any difficulty with others, that is my lack of Krsna consciousness, not theirs. Is this clear? Krsna says that His dearest devotee is one who does not put others into difficulty, in fact, who puts no one other into difficulty. So try to judge the matter on these points, whether or not you are putting either your wife or yourself into some difficulty. Of course, our occupational duty is as preachers of Krsna consciousness. So we must stick to that business under all circunstances, that is the main thing. Therefore married, unmarried, divorced, whatever condition of life, my preaching mission does not depend on these things. The *varnasrama-dharma* system is scientifically arranged by Krsna to provide facility for delivering the fallen souls back to home, back to Godhead. And if we make a mockery of this system by whimsically disrupting the order, that we must consider. That will not be a very good example if so many young boys and girls so casually become married and then go away from each other, and the wife is little unhappy, the husband is neglecting her in so many ways, like that. If we set this example, then how the thing will go on properly? ==Householder life means wife, children, home, these things are understood by everyone, why our devotees have taken it as something different? They simply have some sex-desire, get themselves married, and when the matter does not fulfill their expectations, immediately there is separation—these things are just like material activities, prostitution.== The wife is left without husband, and sometimes there is child to be raised, in so many ways the proposition that you, and some others also, are making becomes distasteful. We cannot expect that our temples will become places of shelter for so many widows and rejected wives, that will be a great burden and we shall become the laughing stock in the society. There will be unwanted progeny also. And there will be illicit sex-life, that we are seeing already. And being the weaker sex, women require to have a husband who is strong in Krsna consciousness, so that they may take advantage and make progress by sticking tightly to his feet. If their husband goes away from them, what will they do? So many instances are already there in our Society, so many frustrated girls and boys. So I have introduced this marriage system in your Western countries because there is custom of freely intermingling male and female. Therefore marriage is required just to engage the boys and girls in devotional service, never mind distinction of living status. But our marriage system is little different than in your country, we do not sanction the policy of divorce. We are supposed to take husband or wife as eternal companion or assistant in Krsna consciousness service, and there is promise never to separate. Of course if there is any instance of very advanced disciples, married couple, and they have agreed that the husband shall now take *sannyasa* or renounced order of life, being mutually very happy by that arrangement, then there is ground for such separation. But even in those cases there is no question of separation, the husband, even he is *sannyasa,* he must be certain his wife will be taken care of nicely and protected in his absence. Now so many cases are there of unhappiness by the wife who has been abandoned by her husband against her wishes. So how can I sanction such thing? I want to avoid setting any bad example for future generations, therefore I am so much cautiously considering your request. But if it becomes so easy for me to get married and then leave my wife, under excuse of married life being an impediment to my own spiritual progress, that will not be very good at all. That is misunderstanding of what is advancement in spiritual life. Occupational duty must be there, either this one or that one, but once I am engaged in something occupational duty, then I should not change that or give it up, that is the worst mistake. Devotional service is not bound up by such designations. Therefore once I have chosen, it is better to stick in that way and develop my devotional attitude into full-blown love of Godhead. That is Arjuna's understanding." ([[letters/1975/750104_nrsimha_dasa|Madhukara, 4 January, 1975]]) *** 75-12 "Marriage is not recommended. Are ==you prepared to get a job, live outside the temple in an apartment, provide the wife with bangles, saris and sex?== Better you concentrate on this chanting and hearing process, teach others and give them *prasada.* So you and Bhumadeva are doing this already, now be steady and increase it more and more. Hamsaduta will guide you in this engagement, he is there to help you execute your program." ([[letters/1975/751206_jay_krishna_thakura|Saksi Gopala dasa, 6 December, 1975]]) *** 75-12 =="I always say, man is good, and woman is also good, but when they combine, then they become bad. Before there was so much difficulty, but now you are doing well and Yamuna dasi is also doing well, and I am very pleased with your work. Please continue like this and keep me informed."== ([[letters/1975/751222_hrdayananda|Guru dasa Maharaja, 22 December, 1975]]) *** 75-12 =="Regarding your getting married, I have no objection. However as a brahmacari you are not obligated to marry, what is the advantage to your getting married? That should be considered. If one can remain brahmacari that is best. Finish this life and go back to Godhead, that is the basic idea of Krsna consciousness movement. So you decide."== ([[letters/1975/751231_madhudvisa|Mahavisnu dasa, 31 December, 1975]]) *** 76-01 "Another thing, is that you are expecting a BBT loan of $150,000 but the BBT has already taken responsibility for Bombay, Kuruksetra, Mayapur, so this money has to go to India. Therefore I do not think the BBT can give this loan. Actually it is the responsibility of the parents to maintain *gurukula.* By taxing the temples or taking loan from the BBT, the parents are being allowed to avoid their responsibility. ==Before having a child the parents should see whether they shall be able to pay for their child's education. The GBC should make an injunction that if they beget children, then whatever the expenses are for supporting gurukula they must pay for it.== In another letter to Jayatirtha I have suggested how the parents can earn money for their children's support. So you can discuss everything together and do the needful." ([[letters/1976/760122_jagadisa|Jagadisa, 22 January, 1976]]) *** 76-08 "So you are already engaged in the service of Krsna. Stick to it and that will make you perfect. You are following the regulative principles. This is our spiritual strength and you are most fortunate that you have got a very good wife. Your wife met me in New York and New Vrndavana and she is a very great devotee. I know that you are competent to manage any department, whichever department you like you can render your service and keep yourself peaceful with your good wife. ==There is no impediment for grhasthas to become fully Krsna conscious. All of Caitanya Mahaprabhu's associates were grhasthas and all of them helped Caitanya Mahdprabhu in His missionary activities.== Later on He took *sannyasa* and specifically He was assisted by Svarupa Damodara, but still He had intimate relations with *grhasthas* like Advaita Acarya, Nityananda, Gadadhara, and Srivasa Thakura." ([[letters/1976/760831_navayogendra|Karandhara dasa, 31 August, 1976]]) *** 76-10 "I know that you are intelligent and can act very nicely to help spread Krsna consciousness. ==If you feel maya attracting, then live an honest life as a householder and contribute to our movement.== As a family man you can join Svarupa Damodara to help with the Bhaktivedanta Institute. Caitanya Mahaprabhu says it doesn't matter whether one is a *sannyasi, grhastha, brahmana,* or *sudra.* You have intelligence. Study more and more. If you think that you should be married, then do that and assist Bhaktivedanta Institute by giving service. My request is, don't become an ordinary foolish man. Keep Krsna consciousness in any condition of life. That is success." ([[letters/1976/761029_ramesvara|Pusta Krsna dasa, 29 October, 1976]]) ## Arrangement of Marriages 68-11 =="Regarding Uddhava, I am glad that he is going to marry Lilasukha. She is a very nice girl, I approve. They can wait and finish school as her mother desires. But they can become betrothed, engaged, now."== ([[letters/1968/681120_brahmananda|Brahmananda, 20 November, 1968]]) *** 68-12 =="Regarding Rukmini, I think that if she is desiring to marry Upendra that idea is nice and approved by me. If she will rather wait for a while that is all right but in either case Upendra should be informed of her plans. It is a very good sign that Rukmini is willing to submit this decision into my hands, but I think that in this country it is best if she can make her own choice of marriage plans. So whether marrying now or in the future, she will have my blessings."== ([[letters/1968/681221_jadurani|Jadurani, 21 December, 1968]]) *** 68-12 "Regarding marriage with Nandakisora, the situation is simply that he is desirous of marrying and I had asked Purusottama to see if you are agreeable to this proposal. In your letter you have written that you are desiring to remain *brahmacarini* for a few years longer and this idea is all right. ==In India the marriage between a boy and girl is arranged by the parents but in this country such arrangement is not possible, so we never request our students to marry if they are not desiring to do this."== ([[letters/1968/681219_rukmini|Rukmini, 19 December, 1968]]) *** 69-06 "I am very glad to hear about Sacisuta's activities. He is very intelligent and serious devotee, but due to his past habits, he is a littie flickering. ==I think if there is any suitable girl, you can negotiate for his marriage, and then he will be fixed-up. He has got various capacities, and he can help our movement very much,== but as he is a little restless, try to help him be very serious and get a wife amongst our Krsna conscious girls. Please convey my thanks to him as he is doing very well in Buffalo." ([[letters/1969/690616_rupanuga|Rupanuga, 16 June, 1969]]) *** 69-11 "I am glad that you have received my letter to you, addressed to New York. Therein I have expressed my opinion about your marriage. So it is very nice program. Just get yourself married, and as you propose to go to Argentina with Citsukhananda to open a branch there, I have all approval. So you accept some girl who will marry you, either Saci devl or anyone else. In our Indian way there is no question of acceptance or rejection. ==The parents arrange for marriage and whatever boy or girl they select for their son or daughter that is accepted.== Even there is some disagreement at times, it is not taken very seriously. In this way, in mature life they become happy. ==I want to introduce this system in the Western countries amongst my disciples at least.== Their primary business should be Krsna consciousness. Other relationships are mundane and therefore not very important. So please try to open a branch in Argentina, it is not very difficult. Recently Vamanadeva who was in Columbus, now has married and has ventured on my advice to open a center in St. Louis. I have received his report several days ago and it is very encouraging." ([[letters/1969/691126_aniruddha|Aniruddha, 26 November, 1969]]) *** 70-04 "Regarding Krsnadasas marriage with Heidi it cannot take place. ==From hygienic point of view, the boy should be at least five years older than the girl. If the boy is weaker then the progeny will be weaker sex or females and the man will get still weaker.== So Krsnadasa may not be married immediately because he is too young and he can wait even up to five years and become a strong *brahmacari.* But if a suitable girl is there, not more than fifteen to sixteen years old or utmost seventeen years, he can be married to her. I think he should wait for his marriage. In the meantime, find out some other boy for Heidi; she should be married immediately. I am glad that she is a good translator, and let her be blessed by translating our literatures." ([[letters/1970/700418_hansadutta|Hamsaduta, 18 April, 1970]]) *** 70-05 "Regarding requirements and recommendations in the Vedic system of selecting partners for marriage, there is a Vedic system, but that cannot be done here. It should be made under the guidance of the guardians and the selection should be made on the basis of astrological equilibrium. So it is not possible to introduce such system in the present age. ==The only selection is that both the boy and the girl should be Krsna conscious, and the boy may be older than the girl by at least two to five years."== ([[letters/1970/700516_gurudasa|Gurudasa, 16 May, 1970]]) *** 70-08 =="As far as the marriages are concerned, I have got all blessings, but the girls must be younger than the boys."== ([[letters/1970/700820_bhagavan|Bhagavan, 20 August, 1970]]) *** 70-08 =="Regarding your marriage, I have no objection, but if you accept a girl for marriage she should be younger than you. At least she should not exceed your age."== ([[letters/1970/700825_jaya_gopala|Jaya Gopala, 25 August, 1970]]) *** 70-09 =="Regarding the proposed wife for Jitendriya, if she is living in the temple and if she is younger than the boy and if you think that the marriage will be very nice, the girl may be married with Jitendriya. She may follow the footsteps of her husband in all respects and later on conveniently she may be initiated."== ([[letters/1970/700909_bhavananda|Bhavananda, 9 September, 1970]]) *** 70-11 =="Regarding marriage, generally the man should be older than the woman. We have not had good experiences with marriages when the woman is older. But everything must be done with reference to time, place, and circumstance and in your country such a marriage is not uncommon. So if you think the match is good then you may marry them."== ([[letters/1970/701104_rupanuga|Rupanuga, 4 November, 1970]]) *** 70-11 "I am very glad that you have decided to become a *grhastha* member of our Society. That is the way of civilized and upright human life. After practicing *brahmacarya* and training under the guidance of a spiritual master, the Vedic system is prescribing the *asrama* of *grhastha* for those who are still desiring to enter into married life. The so called institution of free love marriage is ruining the human society and it is our duty therefore to re-establish the correct procedure of human life in the matter of encouraging our disciples who wish to marry, to enter into a contract of spiritual wedlock. ==Such contract is made on the basis of compatible service to the Lord, because such mutual cooperation in serving the advancement of Krsna consciousness minimizes the illusion of material compatibility and incompatibility.== We are seeing practically that our householder couples are setting an example for all persons that the perfection of happy family life is not based on sense-gratification, but on sincere service to the Lord. I have already replied to Sriman Locana dasa the circumstance concerning the girl Lisa, whom you mentioned. Anyway, if you make either this arrangement or some other, I shall be pleased to offer my blessings upon you both in your marriage. Simply be anxious to keep your life, married or otherwise, always on the platform of pure devotional service to Krsna and be happy chanting Hare Krsna." ([[letters/1970/701120_gaura_hari|Gaura Hari, 20 November, 1970]]) *** 71-10 =="So far marriages are concerned, just use your discretion but be sure that marriage does not become a farce. It must be serious. So far age is considered, generally the girl should not be older than the boy but in special case you can use your discrimination. Sometimes it so happens that the girl is older than the boy. In India also sometimes it so happens that the girl is older than the boy in some provinces. So you can use your discrimination and do the needful."== ([[letters/1971/711009_karandhara|Karandhara, 9 October, 1971]]) *** 72-10 "If Subalavilasa wants to marry that African girl, I have no objection but whether she wants to marry him? Also, take the consent of her parents and elder brothers. Such marriage may be good propaganda for our movement in Africa, but if there is any disturbance caused by it, that will be a disaster, just like we saw with the Sarna girls. ==So you must judge whether the match will be favorable on the point that it must not cause any disturbance either in the girl's family or in the local community."== ([[letters/1972/721026_cyavana|Cyavana, 26 October, 1972]]) *** 72-11 "In our Vedic science of living, it is enjoined that the society should be organized in such a way to protect women, children, old people and cows, because factually all of them are innocent. So children have parents, elderly persons must have grown up children to protect them, and women must have husband. And it is recommended they should be married at very early age, then the wife will remain always chaste and devoted to her husband. At such young age, from the first night onwards, she can never for a moment forget him, being still child and unspoiled, therefore she becomes the perfect chaste wife, and in those times the wife was so much devoted to her husband that she would voluntarily die in the fire of his cremation, unable to live without him. ==Myself I was very young when I got married, and my wife was 11 years only.== But there is no question of separation in our marriage belief, neither your daughter will ever be separated from that boy, that is their vow. Rather, it is when people are a little grown-up, when they have got little independence and their own ways of doing things, then if they marry there is often difficulty to adjust, just as it is more difficult to bend the bamboo when it is yellow. So I can assure you that you may have nothing to fear that your daughter has married such a nice boy." ([[letters/1972/721107_tamala_krsna_giriraja_manusvi|Mr. Loy, 7 November, 1972]]) *** 73-07 "You are exactly correct when you write that Krsna has benedicted you with a first-class husband. In Vedic society no girl was allowed to remain independent and unmarried. Independence for women means they become like prostitutes, struggling to capture some man who will take care of her. In this way the so-called independent woman has to work very hard to make herself attractive by artificially wearing cosmetics, mini-skirts and so many other things. ==Formerly the girl would be married to a suitable boy at a very early age, say six years old. But although a girl was married early she did not stay with her husband immediately,== but was gradually trained in so many ways how to cook, clean and serve her husband in so many ways—up until the time of puberty. So all the time there was no anxiety because a girl would know—I have got a husband, and the boy would know I have got this girl as my wife. Therefore when the boy and girl would come of age there was no chance of illicit sex-life. And the psychology is the first boy that a girl accepts in marriage, that girl will completely give her heart to, and this attachment on the girls side for her husband becomes more and more strong, thus if a girl gets a good husband—one who has accepted a bona fide spiritual master and is firmly fixed up in his service, automatically the wife of such a good husband inherits all the benefits of his spiritual advancement. So you are fortunate. Go on in this present attitude, serve your husband always and in this way your life will be perfect, and together husband and wife go back home—back to Godhead." ([[letters/1973/730728_naiskarmi|Naiskarmi devi dasi, 28 July, 1973]]) *** 75-09 "I never said there should be no more marriage. By all means legally you can get married. How can I object? They misunderstand me. Unless it is there from me in writing, there are so many things that Prabhupāda said. I have no objection to marriage, but to bless it by fire sacrifice, that I am thinking that if they don't stay together, then it is not good. But ==if they can remain together for one year, then there can be fire sacrifice.== But changing three times in a month husband and wife, that is not good." ([[letters/1975/750902_omkara|Omkara dasi, 2 September, 1975]]) ## Marriage Ceremony 67-08 "I have already instructed you that Gargamuni should get married. They should get a marriage certificate as soon as it is possible. ==In the temple the ceremony should be observed by chanting Hare Krsna before the fire,== offering the clarified butter with the word *svaha* and the bride and groom should exchange their garlands before the Lord Krsna Deity ==and promise not to be separated in life.== They should know it that bodily relations between the husband and wife is secondary; primary factor is that both should help one another in the matter of advancement of Krsna consciousness." ([[letters/1967/670804_brahmananda|Brahmananda, 4 August, 1967]]) *** 68-12 =="So far as you performing the marriage ceremony in exchange for a nice rug, the idea is all right and if you request I will send you instructions."== ([[letters/1968/681219_brahmananda|Brahmananda, 19 December, 1968]]) *** 70-01 "Regarding Volcer marrying, for the time being they can be married by the civil court without any delay. Both the husband and wife may be allowed to associate with you and after a few days, if you recommend for initiation, then you can send their beads and they will be initiated by post. At that time you can perform our regular wedding ceremony as usual. That will be nice. ==Uninitiated couples cannot be married by us. We shall not take the responsibility of an ordinary marriage maker. Our practice is to help devotees for advancing in Krsna consciousness. In such activities, when there is necessity, we get them married also."== ([[letters/1970/700111_kulasekhara|Jaya Gopala, 11 January, 1970]]) *** 70-04 "Regarding the proposed marriage of Manmohini and Sridhama, yes, I have already sent Sridhama sanctioning this marriage and offering my blessings. Subala has already got practical experience, he has performed two marriage ceremonies and has sent me a xeroxed copy of the procedure which I have approved. I am enclosing herewith one copy and you can perform the wedding in your temple. ==Everyone, at least all the presidents, should be experienced in performing marriage ceremonies."== (SPL to Satsvarupa 11th April, 1970) 71-08 =="In the Vedic ceremony the paraphernalia required for the sacrificial ceremony includes== five kinds of powder, five kinds of leaves, five kinds of cow products, five kinds of grain, and five kinds of jewels. So these are required for offering to the sacrifice: Five items of five kinds. So because we cannot collect all these things conveniently, we simply are satisfied with five kinds of powders. In the Vedic system also when eatables are offered to somebody, five varieties of dishes are offered. Another significance of the Vedic system is that arbitration is also made of five men. So this 'five' is mentioned in many places. Just like in devotional service. Narada has written also five kinds of literatures, they are called *Narada-pancaratra.* So it is traditional Vedic system. What for they were made in routine in terms of 'five' that is very difficult to find out but traditionally it is followed by Vedic disciples as far as possible." ([[letters/1971/710825_satsvarupa|Satsvarupa, 25 August, 1971]]) ==71-08 "So far the marriage of Sakuntala and Ajamita is concerned, I have no objection but you must brief them thoroughly on married life in Krsna consciousness, how serious business it is, and that separation is not allowed under any circumstances. At one marriage ceremony in N.Y. Rupanuga had the boy and girl both sign documents saying that they promised never to separate under any circumstances. So you can correspond with him and do likewise."== (SPL to Satsvarupa, August, 1971) *** 71-11 "Regarding Prayaga devi dasi, yes, a woman requires protection. But normally we regard that any unmarried woman with children should take security of the temple—that is more secure under the protection of Krsna—and be satisfied with her children. Marriage is simply a license for having sex, so we are not very fond of sanctioning unnecessary sense gratification. However in this case, if you think the match is favorable for their advancing nicely in Krsna consciousness, then I shall agree with your judgement. One thing is, ==there should be a formal contract signed by both parties at each marriage, voting that there will be no separation and that man and wife will work cooperatively in Krsna consciousness."== ([[letters/1971/711117_brhaspati|Sridhama dasa, 17 November, 1971]]) ==71-11 "As far as marriage, I have no objection if you marry in a civil wedding, but so far a Krsna consciousness wedding, there is no question until the girl has been initiated."== ([[letters/1971/711122_hiranyagarbha|Hiranyagarbha, 22 November, 1971]]) ==73-03 "Yes, you may perform the marriages in the temple room, but after the legal marriage has lasted at least six months to a year. Then we can know they are faithful and serious."== ([[letters/1973/730315_jayatirtha|Jayatirtha, 15 March, 1973]]) *** 74-12 =="Concerning your marriage ceremony, that is to be sanctioned by the temple president or GBC."== ([[letters/1974/741219_bahudak|Vipini dasa, 19 December, 1974]]) *** 75-09 "I never said there should be no more marriage. By all means legally you can get married. How can I object? They misunderstand me. Unless it is there from me in writing, there are so many things that 'Prabhupāda said.' I have no objection to marriage, but ==to bless it by fire sacrifice, that I am thinking that if they don't stay together, then it is not good. But if they can remain together for one year, then there can be fire sacrifice.== But changing three times in a month husband and wife, that is not good." ([[letters/1975/750902_omkara|Omkara dasi, 2 September, 1975]]) *** 76-10 =="Let this couple first of all legally marry. After that we bless them by observing a fire ceremony. It is not necessary to burden me with these matters. Please consult with the local GBC."== ([[letters/1976/761025_whom_it_may_concern|Hari Vilasa dasa, 25 October, 1976]]) ## Duties of the Husband 66-12 "I am so glad to hear that you are now married. I pray to Krsna that you may live henceforward happily as a householder without thinking of a separation from your wife. According to Vedic wisdom, a good wife is a great assistant for material and spiritual prosperity. Even if there is some deficiency you should try to correct it without thinking in the westernized way. I hope your wife may be taking interest in your chanting, *sankirtana* and reading *Srimad-Bhagavatam.* ==As she has become your life's companion, it is your duty to induce her, peacefully, in the matter of spiritual advancement of life."== ([[letters/1966/661210_janis|Janis Dambergs, 10 December, 1966]]) *** 67-08 "I am glad to know that you are comfortable in Boston and that you are engaging your energy there in making nice Krsna *prasada.* I am also pleased to know that Himavati is definitely going to have a baby. It is a very wonderful thing and surely Krsna will bless your home with His presence as both you and your wife are His sincere servants. The best preparation for the coming of the baby is just for the parents to remain perfectly Krsna conscious and of course the best means for that is by chanting the holy name and listening to the *Bhagavad-gita* and *Srimad-Bhagavatam.* I very much appreciate that you enjoy helping to open various centers, and that is certainly laudable on your part. You must fully consider however, your wife and child; ==your first duty now as a householder is to provide nicely for your wife and child.== [TEXT MISSING] ... Lord to give up fighting; rather he was encouraged in his occupation but at the same time, he was to do it for Krsna. That is the secret of Krsna consciousness—not that we have to all become preachers, but that we all dedicate our lives or our consciousness (no matter in what capacity) to Lord Krsna. If things can be worked out nicely within the temple that's all right. ==But family life requires a certain amount of privacy and convenience, which may not always be available.== I am simply concerned that you be happy and contented, so you can prosecute the most important thing, Krsna consciousness, without being disturbed. Rupanuga and Damodara are both doing nicely in this regard and I wish the same for you." (SPL to Hamsaduta, August, 1967) *** 67-08 "I have already instructed you that Gargamuni should get married. They should get a marriage certificate as soon as is possible. In the temple the ceremony should be observed by chanting Hare Krsna before the fire, offering the clarified butter with the word *svaha* and the bride and groom should exchange their garlands before the Lord Krsna Deity and promise not to be separated in life. They should know it that ==bodily relations between the husband and wife is secondary; primary factor is that both should help one another in the matter of advancement of Krsna consciousness."== ([[letters/1967/670804_brahmananda|Brahmananda, 4 August, 1967]]) *** 67-10 "I am very glad to understand that your service attitude for propagation of Krsna consciousness is progressively increasing. Krsna consciousness is such a nice thing that the more you work for the cause, the more you become enthusiastic to execute this purpose. Your wife is always assisting you so why make her unhappy by uttering something which is unnecessary and unpleasant? Even if you accept *vanaprastha* there is no restriction for keeping one's wife in company. Only a *sannyasi* cannot have any connection with women, just as a *brahmacari.* ==In my opinion, your wife and yourself are nicely executing my mission and please try to follow my instructions and you shall never be unhappy."== ([[letters/1967/671008_subalaa|Subala, 8 October, 1967]]) *** 68-11 =="I understand that Dinesh's present job is very tedious and hampering but because you are now a family man you must have some steady income.== So unless you find out a better job, how can you give up the present one? We step forward when we understand that the forward step is on a sound basis, then we get off the rear step. Your record and film business is not yet started so there is no certain income. The scheme which you have submitted is very nice and appears to be very practical and sound, and you are also very intelligent. Your idea is also very glorious. You want to serve Krsna with all your energies and intelligence, so I have got all support and approval of this scheme, but until you have got some income, how can I advise you to give up your present job, especially when you are a family man. Of course, if you find it too much tedious, then there is no other alternative but to give up the job and depend on Krsna, and He will do the needful." ([[letters/1968/681119_rayarama|Dinesh and Krsna devi, 19 November, 1968]]) *** 69-01 =="Regarding your question about the husband becoming the spiritual master of the wife, anyone who can give instruction in spiritual life is treated as spiritual master. There are two kinds of spiritual master, initiator and instructor. So the husband can help the wife as instructor."== ([[letters/1969/690124_himavati|Himavati, 24 January, 1969]]) *** 69-05 "The symptoms of advancement in Krsna consciousness is gradually feeling detached to materialistic way of life. Although you are young man, you have got your nice young wife and child and by Krsna's grace, everything is all right so far as your family is concerned, still you are feeling detached. That is very nice. But when your wife and child are all cooperating in your Krsna consciousness there is no hampering your progress. So ==keep yourself always in Krsna consciousness with your family members, raise your children to that standard, and employ your energy for serving Krsna.== Then, even though you are in family life, you are as good as a *sannyasi." ([[letters/1969/690501_dayananda|Dayananda, 1 May, 1969]]) *** 69-10 =="You have got good ideas, you are intelligent and have got qualifications, but you must learn to be more responsible. I was not very happy when I saw your wife last. You are married; you must be responsible for the maintenance of your wife. As you are qualified, you can work as a musician, but you must maintain her nicely and help her to progress in Krsna consciousness."== ([[letters/1969/691021_bharadraja|Baradraja, 21 October, 1969]]) *** 69-11 =="I am very glad that Kancanbali is performing the regulative principles and worshiping and helping you to become an ideal Vaisnava householder. Regarding sannyasa, yes, according to Vedic principles, as a married man, you must give your wife a boy child. And when he is grown up, after you are 50 years of age, you can take sannyasa. The grown up boy may take care of your old wife. That is the Vedic system."== ([[letters/1969/691123_madhusudana|Madhusudana, 23 November, 1969]]) *** 69-12 =="I am very glad to learn that Visakha is fully engaged in taking care of the Deities. Please offer my blessings to her and try to behave with her as a very kind husband. She will be a very nice girl, helping you both materially and spiritually. She is a very nice girl."== ([[letters/1969/691205_hit_sharanji|Kulasekhara, 5 December, 1969]]) *** 69-12 "I am so glad that Dayananda is doing everything so nicely. He is intelligent, responsible boy, and whatever you do conjointly, it has my approval. You may note it. But always remember that Nandarani is also a very nice devotee girl, and their whole family is coming out nice; so you should see always that they are not in inconvenience in any way. ==Because he is a family man, he should have some special consideration. A brahmacari can tolerate any inconvenience, but women and children cannot. They will have difficulty."== ([[letters/1969/691215_gargamuni|Gargamuni, 15 December, 1969]]) *** 71-08 =="So now you should take care of your wife. The woman should be cared for, especially during pregnancy. At the time of the marriage ceremony there is a promise that the husband will care for the wife throughout her life and the woman will serve the husband throughout his life. When the child is grown up then the husband can take sannyasa. Of course Lord Caitanya took sannyasa at twenty-four years, but that is a special case. I think that now you're doing more than sannyasa."== (SPL to Karandhara, August 5th, 1971) 71-09 =="Your duty is to take charge of your wife. So you can stick to your job and maintain your wife and family and give as far as possible to the Hamburg temple. You cannot be irresponsible to your wife and child. That is not allowed. If you can go with your wife to Munich to open a center there certainly I have no objection. That is a different thing. But you cannot leave your wife to go to Munich."== (SPL to Sucandra, September 19th, 1971) 72-02 'You say that your wife is an emotional sentimentalist, and that this is causing you some anxiety. But you have taken her as your wife, and by our Vedic standards you are responsible for her spiritual advancement, so you must make the attempt to assist her in becoming Krsna conscious very seriously, that is your responsibility. If, however, after much trying and serious attempts you are still unable to help her, then leave her aside. One should be interested in his individual self, one should not be interested with others if they hinder his service unduly. But ==you have married her, and there is no question of separation. You may live from time to time separately, but at least you must try very hard to help her perfect her spiritual life."== (SPL to Mohanananda, February 27th, 1972) 72-04 =="So far your wife is concerned, you have given her one son, so that is sufficient. Now she will always have some engagement to raise the child and train him in Krsna consciousness, so you can be free to devote yourself more fully in spreading this Krsna consciousness movement."== ([[letters/1972/720415_citsukhananda|Citsukhananda, 15 April, 1972]]) *** 72-07 =="If you have taken a wife for grhastha life, why are you neglecting? That is not Vaisnava. Vaisnava means he is very much responsible, and if he is householder, then he must be responsible. I cannot give sannyasa to any devotee who has not proven himself to be responsible in all respects. Better you prove yourself first by being ideal householder and forget all this nonsense."== ([[letters/1972/720716_mahatma|Mahatma, 16 July, 1972]]) *** 72-07 "Regarding your question, what is the position of the women in Krsna consciousness movement, we are not responsible for marriages. If you want to get married at your own risk, that is all right, you can get married by the state service and ==the husband must take full responsibility for living outside the temple and earning money for supporting wife and children.== If you have a child and you are not married, still, having child is the same as being married, so there is no more marriage. Marriage is not for sense gratification, not that we get married twice, thrice in a year. No, if you have got a child there is no need for more marriages. But if you cannot stay in Krsna consciousness unless you have got a husband, that is all right, but the responsibility is not ours for your maintenance or other things, so if you want to get married both you and your husband must make your own arrangements." ([[letters/1972/720719_navina|Novina, 19 July, 1972]]) *** 72-09 "Marriage between husband and wife means that ==the husband must forever be responsible for the wife's well-being and protection in all cases.== That does not mean that now there is agreement between us, therefore I am responsible, but as soon as there is some disagreement then I immediately flee the scene and become so-called renounced. Whether your husband likes to take responsibility as your spiritual guide or not, that does not matter. He must do it. It is his duty because he has taken you as his wife. ==Therefore he must take full responsibility for you, the rest of his life.== And you also must agree to serve him under all circumstances and assist him in every way so that he may make advancement in Krsna consciousness. By his making advancement in Krsna consciousness, automatically the wife will make advancement in the husbands footsteps. But if you do not assist him and be very obedient to his welfare, then he may become disgusted and go away. So there must be mutual responsibility by both parties, and now that you are married couple there is no question of your separation, but you must both strive very hard to serve Krsna together in harmony. What are these nonsense emotions that cause you to go this way and that way, the real thing is your duty. Now you are married couple, you know what your duty is, so best thing is to perform your duty and always think of Krsna. Never mind some temporary inconveniences, we must remain steady in our duty to Krsna." ([[letters/1972/720915_gurudasa|Sudevi dasi, 15 September, 1972]]) *** 72-12 "Please accept my blessings. I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated November 30th, 1972, wherein ==I am so shocked to hear from you that you have left your good wife for some time to have sex-life with another girl, who is also a devotee, and that she is now pregnant with your child. That is most disturbing to me.== But I know that all big leaders are falling victim to sex-life. So let her live in New York and you live in Paris with your wife, what can be done? But you should not ever see or correspond in any way with her again. That will be the worst example. If you are leader, how you can do these things? If someone will have her, she may get herself married and be happy in Krsna consciousness—I do not want that she shall go away from shame. But you must have nothing more to do with her. Just like [another devotee] has done. He was like the sifter, full of holes, and he was finding fault only in others: Oh, just see that needle, he has got a hole. Now he has made one girl pregnant and they were found out, so he has left me as my personal servant. That is the common practice: full of holes, yet they are accusing others, Oh! he has got one hole! If you are repentant, that's all right. You have got your wife, so if you are sexually inclined therefore you should always be with your wife. You are repenting, so Krsna will excuse you. But never do this again. Rather you should stop sex-life altogether, make this your austerity. Do not eat nicely, chant always sixteen rounds, and pray to Krsna to excuse you for your great offense. You are one of the senior devotees, therefore if you behave like that then the whole Society will be at risk. By their nature, gestures, dress, women are lusty—that is their habit. In the Srimad-Bhagavatam it is stated that when a woman comes to serve you, you must be very careful, especially for sannyasis and brahmacaries." ([[letters/1972/721217_name_withheld|name withheld, 17 December, 1972]]) ## Duties of the Wife 67-08 "I have already instructed you that Gargamuni should get married. They should get a marriage certificate as soon as is possible. In the temple the ceremony should be observed by chanting Hare Krsna before the fire, offering the clarified butter with the word *svaha* and the bride and groom should exchange their garlands before the Lord Krsna Deity and promise not to be separated in life. They should know it that ==bodily relations between the husband and wife is secondary; primary factor is that both should help one another in the matter of advancement of Krsna consciousness." ([[letters/1967/670804_brahmananda|Brahmananda, 4 August, 1967]]) *** 67-10 "Regarding your personal question in the matter of relationship with your husband, your relationship with your husband is all right. You must be faithful and devoted to your husband, Dayananda. ==The Vedic system advises women to become very chaste and accept the husband as master. Your husband is especially good because he is progressing in Krsna consciousness.== I ====am very glad that you two are a very good combination, and your devotion for your husband and your husbands love for you are considered great achievements so I have also advised Krsna devi for her husband, Subala. I feel very happy when I see my spiritual boys and girls, especially those who have been married by my personal presence are very happy in their conjugal relationship. Even if there is some misunderstanding between husband and wife that should be completely neglected and you should always remain rigid in the service of Krsna as you have written to say, it is pleasing to be in the service of Krsna. Discharge of Krsna consciousness is our primary objective and all other relationships should be faithful to this principle. Follow this principle." ([[letters/1967/671008_nandarani|Nandarani, 8 October, 1967]]) ==68-11 "I confirm herewith my statement that the wife is the shareholder of the husband's pious activities. So you should know it well that Sriman Satsvarupa, life being fully dedicated to Krsna, whatever he desires you to act, you should kindly follow his instruction. Actually he cannot check you in the matter of your service either to Krsna or to me, but because we have to work with our present body, we must take care of it by following the ordinary rules." (SPL to Jadurani, November 1st, 1968) 68-12 "I thank you for your letter of December 17, 1968. I am always so glad to be hearing from you. Your sincere attitudes expressed are very nice and I thank you for them. ==I am very pleased that you are serving your husband nicely and helping him so that he may advance his Krsna consciousness. When the husband advances, automatically the wife shares in his success so there is all around benefit. *== * So a good wife is a great boon to her husband and to her children so please continue in this way and I know that your life will be very successful. Kindly convey my blessings to Syamasundara and Sarasvati devi. I hope that you are all well." (SPL to Malati, December, 1968) ==69-01 "The term devi dasi may be used for either married or unmarried female devotees." ([[letters/1969/690119_anuradha|Anuradha, 19 January, 1969]]) ==69-05 "Regarding your idea of marrying one Krsna conscious girl and then going to India, that will depend on the desire of your wife. I cannot interfere with that. But generally the wife is meant to follow wherever the husband goes. Most likely your wife would agree with you—she will not disagree to go. Rather, some girls will be very much encouraged to go to India with her husband. So you may consider on these points and inform me what you have decided." ([[letters/1969/690513_tamala_krsna|Gopala Krsna, 13 May, 1969]]) *** 69-06 "Regarding the suggestion that you re-marry ==I== have never suggested such thing, so you need not trouble yourself with this. As ==I== have told you in Los Angeles, ==I== wish that the mothers who have no husband at present should not re-marry, but should dedicate their time to seeing that their children are brought up very nicely in Krsna consciousness. Your boy, Birbhadra has just arrived here and he will be taken care of by Kīrtanānanda Maharaja. Satyabhama dasi is in charge of educating the children in New Vrndavana and she is very qualified to do this because she is educated and works very nicely with the children. So there is no difficulty at present in this regards, and as you are so nicely engaged in your activities in Los Angeles, you should continue as you are now doing. Your description of the course you are giving to the interested girls about the role they play in Krsna consciousness is very nice, and I am pleased that you have begun this project. Actually the role of all conditioned souls is the same: to chant Hare Krsna, tell others to chant, perfect our lives in Krsna consciousness, and to go back to Godhead when this body is finished. Now if you can induce all the women of Los Angeles to place an altar in their homes and help their husbands have peaceful, happy home life in Krsna consciousness, that will be very great service for you. The actual system is that ==the husband is spiritual master to his wife, but if the wife can bring her husband into practicing this process then it is all right that the husband accepts wife as spiritual master. *== * Caitanya Mahaprabhu has said that anyone who knows the science of Krsna, that person should be accepted as spiritual master, regardless of any material so-called qualifications; such as rich or poor, man or woman, or *brahmana* or *sudra.* So if you can show the women of the community how to help their husbands and children to perfect their home life, and all aspects of life, in Krsna consciousness by chanting, *arati* ceremonies and eating Krsna *prasada* then you will improve the conditions of the neighboring communities to an incalculable extent. So try for this as far as possible. I already have practical experience that many of the American boys and girls are very intelligent and qualified to take up this sublime movement. We simply have to instruct them nicely and surely many will understand that here is such a nice thing and they must take to it. So I am very pleased with the nice efforts you are making. I hope this will meet you in good health." ([[letters/1969/690614_silavati|Silavati, 14 June, 1969]]) ==70-02 "Yes. I sometimes think of your mother. She is a nice lady and has good potency for improving in Krsna consciousness. From the child's mentality the mother's mentality is judged and vice-versa. *== * Please keep in touch with your mother and it is your duty also to try to bring her into Krsna consciousness when she is already inclined. I am glad that she is chanting sixteen rounds and observing the rules and regulations. That will surely help her." ([[letters/1970/700203_mandali_bhadra|Mandali Bhadra, 3 February, 1970]]) ==70-03 "I am very happy to know that your daughter Sarasvati is growing up nicely under your care. To see that the child is raised in full Krsna consciousness is the proper management of householder life. And when your good daughter is no longer to be so cared for by you, then you will get enough time to chant Hare Krsna. Both mother and daughter can sit together and chant Hare Krsna." ([[letters/1970/700306_malati|Malati, 6 March, 1970]]) *** 70-04 "I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 12th April 1970, and the information is very encouraging. The more you worship the Deity very nicely, all of you will feel very nice and peaceful spiritually. Therefore, this point should be very much carefully attended. Similarly, in London Yamuna is also doing nicely, and ==all the wives of our students should be especially trained up for Deity worship and cooking, and when possible they should go on sankirtana party with their husbands and others." ([[letters/1970/700418_hansadutta|Hamsaduta, 18 April, 1970]]) *** 70-04 "I == == do not think you require a child for the purpose of example. You had one child and by the desire of Krsna the child did not stay. Now you can forget any child. Just do the present service with great care and affection; that will be your best service to Krsna. == Better to accept Krsna as your child, and He will never leave you like a material child. *== * He will stay with you forever. For raising children in Krsna consciousness, you will get many opportunities to do so. When I was householder, I was just taking care of one or two children, but after retiring from my household life Krsna has given me chance to raise so many nice children for raising them to Krsna consciousness. So instead of desiring to raise a bodily child to Krsna consciousness, if you stick to this service, Krsna will give you many children for that purpose." ([[letters/1970/700426_himavati|Himavati, 26 April, 1970]]) ==71-02 "The wife is maya but at the same time a great friend. Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu remarked that the wife is the goddess of fortune somewhere and somewhere she is a witch. *== * Anyway, you are very strong and an ideal *grhastha* and therefore instead of being influenced by your wife, you have influenced her to take to Krsna consciousness. I ====expect every one of my students to come to your standard and remain steadfast in pushing on this movement of Krsna consciousness. Mandali Bhadra has changed his wife because he was being deviated by his former wife and I hope he will stand on this point steadily." (SPL to Rupanuga, February 19th, 1971) ==71-04 "Your husband, Nityananda dasa, is now president of our newly formed New Orleans center and as his wife, it is your duty to help him in every way possible. So work cooperatively, husband and wife, and make our New Orleans branch a grand success. And remain unflinching in Krsna's service by strictly following the regulative principles, chanting sixteen rounds of beads daily, without fail, and reading all our books. Then Krsna will surely help you." ([[letters/1971/710401_rameswar_dayalaji_birla|Kanya Kumari (Carol Bouchier), 1 April, 1971]]), 1st April, 1971) *** 71-05 "I am in due receipt of your letter dated 21st April, 1971 as well as the photos of the altar and your fine looking Vaisnava son, sent by separate post. If he grows more teeth you will have to supply him more *prasadam.* That's nice. ==And he is such a fortunate child. From the very beginning he is having association with devotees, when he was 6== months old he chose Bhagavatam. So take care of him nicely and raise him a Krsna conscious child and be blessed with your good husband and child and Lord Jagannatha, and be full of transcendental bliss *.==* So far as taking care of the Deities and your family simultaneously, you have to do both mutually, but the main importance is Deity worship. Just like a busy housewife always busy in household affairs, yet still she is engaged in dressing herself nicely, combing her hair, etc. So both things go together." ([[letters/1971/710501_laksmimoni|Laksmimoni, 1 May, 1971]]) ==71-05 "So far as taking care of the Deities and your family simultaneously, you have to do both mutually, but the main importance is Deity worship. Just like a busy housewife is always busy in household affairs, yet still she is engaged in dressing herself nicely, combing her hair, etc. So both things go together." ([[letters/1971/710501_laksmimoni|Laksmimoni, 1 May, 1971]]) *** 71-07 "So now you have taken to Krsna consciousness whole-heartedly and I am so pleased to hear how enthusiastic you are for serving the spiritual master and for serving your husband also. That is your duty. ==You are your husband's better half and as such it is your duty to assist him in every way possible so that he can nicely execute Krsna consciousness. *== * Especially Makhanlal has taken charge of our Seattle temple and that is a big responsibility, so you must give him all assistance and all encouragement." (SPL to Tilaka devi dasi, July 5th, 1971) ==71-07 "And you have got such an intelligent and enthusiastic husband. He is a good boy, I know. So give him all encouragement and assistance to execute Krsna consciousness nicely there in Gainesville, Florida. That is your duty as wife, the better half of the husband. So do it nicely." (SPL to Ananga-manjari devi dasi, July 5th, 1971) ==71-08 "Always be engaged in serving the Deity; nice dress, nice jewellery, nice prasadam. Let Hamsaduta go for sankirtana and take care of him. Your husband is one of my foremost disciples. His life is very important, so take care of him nicely; that is your duty. He should live healthfully and peacefully, so see to it. That is my request. And together you should develop Hamburg center very nicely. There is certainly enough work there now." (SPL to Himavati, August 27th, 1971) ==71-10 "I heard from Sivananda that you had left him without his knowledge. That is not very good. *== * When he wrote me twice 'My wife has left me and there is no trace' then I advised him that instead of marrying again, better to prepare for *sannyasa.* So far my knowledge is concerned, I consider Sivananda as one of my foremost disciples. I always remember his smiling face and when I was in Hamburg he was my constant companion and my personal attendant also. So I cannot forget Sivananda's good behavior and gentle nature. I do not know why you disagreed with such a nice husband. If you take my advice, then you will immediately return to your husband and live there peacefully. You are a qualified girl. You can do extensive service to Krsna. I ====require your service in the matter of translating work. So I advise you to engage yourself fully in your good quality occupation and be advanced in Krsna consciousness." ([[letters/1971/711014_vasudeva|Vrnda devi, 14 October, 1971]]) ==71-11 "I have instructed Sridhama, that if he is willing then the match may take place. However I must caution that we must be careful to avoid, so far as possible, affection for family based on sense gratification. Be happy in your family life by working cooperatively to please Krsna, and she should be your assistant. We must always feel the grave responsibility of serving Krsna.'' (SPL to Srutasrava, November 18th, 1971) 72-02 "You ask about marriage, yes, actually I want that every woman in the Society should be married. But what is this training to become wives and mothers? No school is required for that, simply association. And it is not necessary to say that women only can instruct the girls and men only can instruct the boys, not when they are so young. At twelve years, they may be initiated. ==A woman's real business is to look after household affairs, keep everything neat and clean *,== * and if there is sufficient milk supply available, she should always be engaged in churning butter, making yogurt, curd, so many nice varieties, simply from milk. The woman should be cleaning, sewing, like that. So if you simply practice these things yourselves and show examples, they will learn automatically, one doesn't have to give formal instruction in these matters." (SPL to Caya dasi, February 16th, 1972) 72-08 "I was very happy to see both you and your good husband Vasudeva when I was in Paris, especially now that you have got such a nice child. Now you have got your child and your responsibility is to raise your child in Krsna consciousness. You and your husband are very sincere devotees, and your husband is a nice boy, and I like him very much, and he is doing the best service to Krsna and humanity by managing the Berlin center so nicely. So never mind there may be some inconvenience in family life for the time being. Your husband is doing the highest service. ==You may assist your husband very nicely by concentrating all your time and efforts in raising your child in full Krsna consciousness. That will require all of your attention, *== * and in that way you will be giving your husband the best assistance. This spot life is merely a platform for us to make progress toward going back to home, back to Godhead, therefore we should not be too much concerned with family matters. We are never alone in Krsna consciousness; you have got so many wonderful brothers and sisters who are really your family, and besides that the spiritual master is always in his instructions, and Krsna is there within your heart, so you need not feel you are ever alone. Make Krsna your husband and always think of Him, raise your child up very nicely, chant without fail sixteen rounds of Hare Krsna *mantra* daily, read *Srimad-Bhagavatam* at least one hour daily, and in this way without any doubt you will very soon become very happy, and your life will be sublime." ([[letters/1972/720811_gangadevi|Gangadevi, 11 August, 1972]]) *** 72-09 "Marriage between husband and wife means that the husband must forever be responsible for the wife's well-being and protection in all cases. That does not mean that now there is agreement between us, therefore I am responsible, but as soon as there is some disagreement then I immediately flee the scene and become so-called renounced. Whether your husband likes to take responsibility as your spiritual guide or not, that does not matter. He must do it. It is his duty because he has taken you as his wife. Therefore he must take full responsibility for you the rest of his life. And you also must agree to serve him under all circumstances and assist him in every way so that he may make advancement in Krsna consciousness. By his making advancement in Krsna consciousness, automatically the wife will make advancement in the husband's footsteps. But ==if you do not assist him and be very obedient to his welfare, then he may become disgusted and go away. So there must be mutual responsibility by both parties, *== * and now that you are married couple there is no question of your separation, but you must both strive very hard to serve Krsna together in harmony. What are these nonsense emotions that cause you to go this way and that way, the real thing is your duty. Now you are married couple, you know what your duty is, so best thing is to perform your duty and always think of Krsna. Never mind some temporary inconveniences, we must remain steady in our duty to Krsna." ([[letters/1972/720915_gurudasa|Sudevi dasi, 15 September, 1972]]) *** 72-10 "Another item is, you are married wife, so in that position you should serve your husband nicely, always being attentive to his needs, and in this way, because he is always absorbed in serving Krsna, ==by serving your husband you will also get Krsna, through him. He is your spiritual master, but he must be responsible for giving you all spiritual help, teaching you as he advances his own knowledge and realization. *== * That is the Vedic system. The wife becomes a devotee of her husband, the husband becomes a devotee of Krsna; the wife serves her husband faithfully, the husband protects his wife by giving her spiritual guidance. So you should simply do whatever your husband instructs you to do, however he may require your assistance. Of course, the nature of woman is to be attached to her husband and family, so our system is to minimize this attachment by making the ultimate goal of our activity the pleasure of Krsna. Just try to please Krsna always, and no material circumstances will be able to cause you any discomfort." ([[letters/1972/721023_narottamananda|Saucarya devi, 23 October, 1972]]) *** 73-07 "You are exactly correct when you write that Krsna has benedicted you with a first-class husband. In Vedic society no girl was allowed to remain independent and unmarried. Independence for women means they become like prostitutes, struggling to capture some man who will take care of her. In this way the so-called independent woman has to work very hard to make herself attractive by artificially wearing cosmetics—mini skirts and so many other things. Formerly the girl would be married to a suitable boy at a very early age, say six years old. But although a girl was married early she did not stay with her husband immediately, but was gradually trained in so many ways how to cook, clean and serve her husband in so many ways—up until the time of puberty. So all the time there was no anxiety because a girl would know—I have got a husband, and the boy would know I have got this girl as my wife. Therefore when the boy and girl would come of age there was no chance of illicit sex-life. And the psychology is the first boy that a girl accepts in marriage, that girl will completely give her heart to, and this attachment on the girls side for her husband becomes more and more strong, thus if a girl gets a good husband—one who has accepted a bona fide spiritual master and is firmly fixed up in his service, automatically ==the wife of such a good husband inherits all the benefits of his spiritual advancement. So you are fortunate. Go on in this present attitude, serve your husband always and in this way your life will be perfect, and together husband and wife go back home—back to Godhead." ([[letters/1973/730728_naiskarmi|Naiskarmi devi dasi, 28 July, 1973]]) *** 74-08 "In spiritual life it is very important to set a good example. The teachings of the *parampara* are simply based on this principle of *acarya.* Sometimes the wife must bring the husband to Krsna consciousness, so you yourself must chant sixteen rounds and follow the devotional practices and reading my books. If it is difficult for you and you are falling down then it would be better for you to live in any one of our temples. ==All of you are coming from backgrounds of bad habits, so to make progress in Krsna consciousness we must overlook the faults of others. You must be patient with your husband. Chanting offenselessly is the remedy for all of these diseases. *== * Therefore I ====have established that the duty of the president of each temple and also the GBC is to see that each devotee is following the rules and regulations, chanting sixteen rounds so that they may be spiritually fit. So if you are having difficulty then it would be better for you not to live apart but to associate with other devotees." ([[letters/1974/740819_sridhara|Vidarbha Kanya dasi, 19 August, 1974]]) ==75-02 "Concerning the woman's duty, if she gets married, that does not necessarily mean that she must give up any of her service in the temple or on sankirtana, but she must also see to it that her household duties are not neglected." ([[letters/1975/750206_brahmananda|Sri == ==Govinda dasa, 6 February, 1975]]) ==75-06 "So, fortunately you have got a very good husband, and you are also a very good wife. So, live cooperatively and help him in writing essays which he has done very nicely. In this way, both of you will be happy and successful in life." ([[letters/1975/750619_taitreya|Taitreya, 19 June, 1975]]) ==75-06 "Generally it is not good for the women with babies to worship the Deity, because a baby means uncleanliness. You have to touch the baby and there is so much dirtiness, so how can you remain sanctified? But if you are doing it nicely, then it is okay. But, if you have to take care of the baby, then it is not good."== ([[letters/1975/750623_laksmimoni|Laksmimoni, 23 June, 1975]]) ==76-12 "Why the wife should be disturbed if she is living not in the association of her husband? When Caitanya Mahaprabhu went to East Bengal for preaching, His first wife was alone. Wife's duty is not to disturb the husband. That is Vedic principle. The marriage relationship is not for sex. Of course, that is the way in this age. So, such wife may marry for the second time, what can be done? Vedic marriage is not for sex." ([[letters/1976/761220_rupanuga|Tamala Krsna Maharaja, 20 December, 1976]]) ## Duties of the Husband and Wife 67-06 "I am also glad to learn that you have a child within your womb, and please accept all my blessings for the newcomer for whom we shall be very glad to receive just after a few months. Please take care of your health so that the child may grow very healthy and become Krsna conscious. Prahlada Maharaja was in the womb of his mother and heard the instructions of Narada Muni and later on he became the most famous devotee of Lord Krsna. ==It is the duty of all parents to make every child Krsna conscious, so that the fortunate child born of Krsna conscious parents may not have any more to take birth in this material world." ([[letters/1967/670609_nandarani|Nandarani, 9 June, 1967]]) *** 67-08 "I have already instructed you that Gargamuni should get married. They should get a marriage certificate as soon as it is possible. In the temple the ceremony should be observed by chanting Hare Krsna before the fire, offering the clarified butter with the word *svaha* and the bride and groom should exchange their garlands before the Lord Krsna Deity and promise not to be separated in life. They should know it that ==bodily relations between the husband and wife is secondary; primary factor is that both should help one another in the matter of advancement of Krsna consciousness." ([[letters/1967/670804_brahmananda|Brahmananda, 4 August, 1967]]) *** 67-08 "I am also very happy to learn that Himavati is going to have a baby. ==A child is a rare gift given by Krsna, but at the same time a great responsibility; every parent has the responsibility to see that his child grows up Krsna conscious. *== * I know that you understand this and will always make Krsna the center of your home. Now as to what you should do: there are a number of courses of action open to you. First of all you are a family man, and usually at this point a man must think about providing for his wife and child. So if you like you can take a job in New York or elsewhere and settle as an ordinary householder, like Rupanuga and others; or, if you prefer, you can continue to work within the temple, either at Montreal or wherever there is sufficient space to accommodate you. But you must think of your health. I had already noticed a deterioration when I was in New York and now you say it has gotten worse. That is not good and you must correct it. So do the needful. Above all don't be worried. Krsna will help you. If it is necessary to go to work in order to maintain your wife and family nicely, Krsna will give you all support necessary." ([[letters/1967/670815_hansadutta|Hamsaduta, 15 August, 1967]]) *** 67-09 "You have a problem before you in respect to living separate from your wife. If your wife keeps herself peaceful living separately from you, I think you can arrange for the time being like that, but in my opinion this business of separation may not be developed into a case of divorce. So far Eric is concerned, he is developing Krsna consciousness from very childhood and it is a great opportunity on a human being. ==I think his father has got a special duty to protect this child in his Krsna consciousness. The mother also has a similar responsibility, so either your wife or yourself must take care of the good child. *== * If your wife takes charge of him, you become completely free personally, and you can live in the temple with the other *brahmacaris,* either in New York or elsewhere as you think best. If however your wife leaves the child with you, then you can take care of him; that will be nice. But I think it is very difficult, because he is not sufficiently grown up. Anyway, both your wife and yourself cannot think of marrying again; that is not my advice. Even if your wife decides to marry again, for your part you should forget it; and if by the grace of Krsna you can live peacefully without any wife, completely devoted to Krsna consciousness that will be the best part of your life. You can love and put all your affection to the child, and try to make him fully Krsna conscious." ([[letters/1967/670909_rupanuga|Rupanuga, 9 September, 1967]]) ==67-12 "Be an ideal couple of husband and wife in your country. Be Krsna conscious by full cooperation of husband and wife and you will be happy both in this and the next life also." ([[letters/1967/671216_subalab|Krsna devi, 16 December, 1967]]) *** 68-06 "Last night we had meetings and *sankirtana* very nicely, and Brahmananda, Rayarama and Janardana, they spoke each fifteen to twenty minutes and they spoke very nicely. And as you are also making progress in Buffalo, which I can understand from the description of your letter, so I am getting more and more enthused that my spiritual children are growing to Krsna consciousness and I can hope each one of you in future will be able to propagate this transcendental message. I was so glad to learn that you are coming here with your child, Mr. Eric, and I shall be very glad to receive him here. I hope he is chanting Hare Krsna as he is already accustomed to it. ==This is the duty of father and mother, to enlighten children in Krsna consciousness and thus save them from the clutches of impending death. *== * The *Srimad-Bhagavatam* instructs that nobody should become father or mother if they cannot take this responsibility, namely, stopping the repeated birth and death cycle of their children." (SPL to Rupanuga, June, 1968) *** 68-06 "When I == == first came from San Francisco to New York, and when you informed me about the prospective business with Mr. Kalman, I == == was so much doubtful about the success of the plan. And therefore I == == hesitated. Anyway, whatever is done is done, now try to separate from this botheration without breaking our good friendship with Mr. Kalman. Caitanya Mahaprabhu especially warned His devotees not to deal with worldly minded men. Therefore, according to Vedic principles, only the *brahmacari,* the *vanaprasthas,* and the *sannyasis* are recommended to take to Krsna consciousness seriously or to get free from the problem of earning money. == The grhasthas are supposed to support the three sections of the society. *== * Anyway, the best source of our income should be by accepting contributions from the sympathetic public, and selling our own books and literature. That is also a sort of business, but it doesn't matter. And if we do business we must do it independently, without any assistance from outsiders. We can take help from the outside in the matter of monetary help, either by contribution or by loan, but not to enter into transactions with outsiders. Because their aim of life is different from ours. Please therefore do not be agitated at the present situation. Tackle everything cool-headed and if Purusottama is not feeling well, then you can send him for a few days here, to live with me. And while coming here he may bring with him my yellow colored, hand-bound *Bhagavatam* book. Now from the dealings of Mr. Kalman, we can clearly know that he is after business for his own profit. And I == == am sure he is not going to help us with any money as you expected from him in the matter of publishing *Teachings of Lord Caitanya.* Therefore, in the acknowledgement, his name should not be given as it was suggested by you. I == == shall be glad to know what is further development in this connection. But try to settle up everything peacefully and in future, if possible, you can do business independently." ([[letters/1968/680628_brahmananda|Brahmananda, 28 June, 1968]]) *** 68-08 "Regarding your question: "What is the correct sexual etiquette for a strict *grhastha;* and what is spiritual family planning?' Unless one wants to beget a child there should not be any sex life. The best thing is to forget sex, but it is not possible immediately or all of a sudden, especially in the Western countries where sex life is so liberal. So under the circumstances, one should try to have sex life only for children, not for any other purpose. Spiritual family planning is that one should be determined to train up children in Krsna consciousness. According to *Bhagavata,* the spiritual family planning is that one should not become a father or one should not become a mother, unless he is able to maintain their children to the extent of liberation. ==It is the duty of the parents to see that the children are growing luxuriantly not only materially, but spiritually also. So spiritual training should be given from the very beginning *.== * *Kaumaram acaret prajno * —in the * Srimad-Bhagavatam,* Prahlada Maharaja has instructed that spiritual consciousness or Krsna consciousness should be taught to the children from the very beginning as they are given education from early childhood." ([[letters/1968/680824_nandarani|Dayananda and Nandarani, 24 August, 1968]]) *** 68-09 "As for your going to London, I do not think it is required. Because as Ananda's parents have not approved of this marriage, it may be that Annapurna's father may also not like such combination. So in your country generally the boy and the girl pick their own consort, so if you have decided to get yourself married, then without any consent from your respective parents, you can get yourself married. But Annapurna's father is very much anxious to see Annapurna, so under the circumstances, if you want to go there then I have no objection. And I am also going there very soon, because I have received letter from Malati, that they have already entered England, and they have got six month visa. So it may be that I shall be going there very soon, but the fact is that when you have decided to get yourself married, I think without the formalities of taking consent from your parents, you can get yourself married legally. And be established as husband and wife anywhere, wherever you like, it doesn't matter. ==The conclusion is that in my opinion both of you should legally be married and Ananda may work to maintain the center in Vancouver. That is my desire. *== * And Annapurna may go on with the typewriting business. If this does not suit some way or other, then we shall later on discuss what is to be done." ([[letters/1968/680904_anapurna_ananda|Annapurna and Ananda, 4 September, 1968]]) *** 68-09 "So far your marriage is concerned, I am very sorry that Ananda's parents are not willing in this marriage ceremony; now it is up to you for deciding whether you should get married or not. But I think you should, under the circumstances, the ==best thing will be that you get yourself married legally, according to the state laws and get a certificate *== * and I think, Ananda, you should try to remain in Vancouver and work. And by your labor you try to open a branch in Vancouver and that will be very nice thing. And when I go to Vancouver from Seattle, I shall offer my blessings in observing the rituals of our marriage system." ([[letters/1968/680904_anapurna_ananda|Annapurna and Ananda, 4 September, 1968]]) *** 68-10 "All animals like deer, camel, ass, monkey, even flies and snakes, none should be ill treated. Even they enter into the house or in the fields and take their eatables, they should not be stopped. Because they have got the right to eat, eatables supplied by the Lord. And they will not eat more, neither they will take at home. They are better than human beings. If a human being is allowed to enter into the field or into the garden, he will try to take away something for selling or stocking, but the animals do not. So ==the innocent animals should be accepted as children of the household."== (SPL to Rayarama, October 17th, 1968) 68-11 "You have asked if I found it difficult to carry on devotional service when in my household life, and yes, I did. ==In my household life I was strictly following the regulative principles but my wife was reluctant to assist me properly. *== * Therefore, I was obliged to give up their company. You try to take care of Lord Jagannatha as far as possible after doing your household duties, but you should be strict only in completing the sixteen rounds of chanting. That will save you from all discrepancies. As a householder even there is some flaws in following the rules and regulations, it doesn't matter. You should try your best and with Krsna's help—Krsna will help you. If you keep your heart in that attitude, that you want to become a pure and sincere devotee, you must be a sincere devotee. And Krsna will help you. You have to keep your heart in that way, that is your business. I hope you are well, with your child." ([[letters/1968/681123_malati|Malati, 23 November, 1968]]) ==68-12 "I am pleased with the progress that you, Mahapurusa and Murari are making in establishing our Hawaii temple and also I have noted that you are making arrangements for accomodating me in January. You are making arrangements for me but also I think you should make arrangements for calling your wife. The husband and wife must live together for helping one another in developing Krsna consciousness. So I think that you may write to your wife and request that she join you in your temple at Hawaii."== ([[letters/1968/681202_gaurasundara|Gaurasundara, 2 December, 1968]]) *** 69-01 "I am very glad to note when you write to say that both you and Himavati miss your sleep and go to bed late. By Krsna's grace, Himavati is not only beautiful externally, but she is beautiful within also. Otherwise, how can she say that you may have the license for sense gratification but what will you do with this license? A *brahmacari* is good for living a life of celibacy, but a person who can live a life of celibacy in the presence of a beautiful and obliging wife is more than a *brahmacari.* Of course, anyone who is stuck up with only one wife is also called *brahmacari.* ==You will set a very good example if both of you agree not to have sense gratification any more and still you remain as husband and wife together.== This is possible, however, only if both of you are fixed up in Krsna consciousness activities. I thank you very much for your sincere endeavor to do this activity." ([[letters/1969/690112_kirtanananda|Hamsaduta, 12 January, 1969]]) ==69-01 "It is very nice that Govinda dasi is cooking for you and following my instructions. The husbands duty is to give the wife all protection, even from the material maya, and the wife's duty is to see to the personal comforts of the husband. *== * In this way the husband and wife in cooperative spirit should execute Krsna consciousness. That is my mission. In your country, practically everyone has no home life. So this Krsna consciousness movement is giving them home life and the chance to live peacefully with wife and family." ([[letters/1969/690116_gaurasundara|Gaurasundara, 16 January, 1969]]) ==69-01 "In London, the six couples who are working very hard there have been very much appreciated by the people of London, and their character, behavior and devotion are attracting sincere people to our movement. I want similar thousands of couples for my disciples to propagate our movement throughout the world."== ([[letters/1969/690126_gaurasundara|Govinda dasi, 26 January, 1969]]) *** 69-02 "Regarding your wish to be married with a Krsna conscious family, that is nice. You will have your nice, fixed up wife and you will be happy working hard for Krsna together. ==I never discourage marriage, providing it is for Krsna's service and not simply for sex life. It is always meant for a higher purpose. *== * In Gods creation there is male and female even in the spiritual world and there is purpose for such creation. This purpose is so that male and female may join together, not for sex life but to glorify the Lord. From *Srimad-Bhagavatam* we learn that in Vaikuntha the women are much more beautiful in their figure, smiling, dressing etc., but the men and women there are so much attracted by the chanting of Hare Krsna that they do not get any sex impulse even by intimate mingling. Here also sometimes we get very good example, because when our nice boys and girls are dancing together in chanting Hare Krsna at least for that time they forget all about the sex impulse. This is perfection of life, to be so much attracted to Krsna that all insignificant pleasures are utterly forgotten." ([[letters/1969/690217_mukunda|Uddhava, 17 February, 1969]]) ==69-03 "So far the living arrangement is concerned, the grhasthas should be given a chance to live together as husband and wife. If not, then all the girls can stay in a place and all the boys can stay in a place, if there is not sufficient space. So far the brahmacaris, you cannot check the association with householders. But their living should be separate."== ([[letters/1969/690318_hayagriva|Hayagriva, 18 March, 1969]]) *** 69-05 "When I receive a letter either from you or your husband, I become so much encouraged. The most important point in your letter is the activities of your nice daughter. ==I== hope all the small babies who are now being raised by our married couples will one day do tremendously in the matter of Krsna consciousness. In the *Srimad-Bhagavatam* it is advised that ==nobody should become a father or mother if he or she is not capable to raise children to the perfectional stage of stopping repeated births and death. *== * This process of birth and death can only be stopped by awakening Krsna consciousness. As you have read in the *Bhagavad-gita,* simply by understanding how Krsna appears and performs His transcendental activities, one can immediately become eligible to enter into Krsna's abode. And one who enters this abode of Krsna never comes back again to suffer all sorts of material miseries. That is the sanguine process to stop repeated birth and death of the living entity. Simply by awakening the dormant love for Krsna, Who is known as Vasudeva, one can stop the material contamination of accepting a material body." ([[letters/1969/690523_nandarani|Nandarani, 23 May, 1969]]) ==69-05 "So far as your missing Satsvarupa, it is natural to be attached to husband. But Satsvarupa is engaged in Krsna's service, and you are also engaged in Krsna's service. So both of you should feel happiness in Krsna's service always. When you get well, you can immediately join your husband."== ([[letters/1969/690526_jadurani|Jadurani, 26 May, 1969]]) *** 69-07 "I am very pleased to note that you will be getting married to Jagadisa, and try to serve him by helping him develop in Krsna consciousness throughout both of your lives. Married life in Krsna consciousness is the perfection of married life because ==the basic principle is that the wife will help the husband so that he may pursue Krsna consciousness, and similarly the husband will help the wife to advance in Krsna consciousness. *== * So in this way both the husband and wife become happy and their lives are sublime. In Krsna consciousness marriages there is no question of any separation or divorce. Any disagreement between husband and wife is not taken very seriously, as much as a disagreement between children is not taken seriously. This is because the basic principle of married life in Krsna consciousness is not whimsical lusts, but it is the eternal principle of rendering devotional service to Krsna. So I == == am enclosing instructions for Rupanuga to perform this marriage ceremony, and both yourself and Jagadisa have my full blessings for long and happy life in Krsna consciousness. I == == hope this will meet you in good health." ([[letters/1969/690710_laksmimoni|Laksmimoni, 10 July, 1969]]) *** 69-07 "By Krsna's will you are all a good combination. So continue to execute Krsna consciousness very seriously and sincerely and take care of your child, Moyuradvaja. I == == have a great hope for Moyuradvaja. He is very intelligent with signs of a great devotee. My special request to you is that you take care of this child very nicely, and he will be a great son to glorify his parents. == I have noticed that he has all the instincts of devotional life, and it is up to the guardians to take care of him."== ([[letters/1969/690728_vrndavanesvari|Vrndavanesvari, 28 July, 1969]]) ==69-08 "Yes, as suggested by you the householders should take charge of the maintenance of the temple. Jaya Gopala is a very enthusiastic boy. He should be given all sorts of encouragement. Then he alone can manage the whole thing."== ([[letters/1969/690816_pradyumna|Pradyumna, 16 August, 1969]]) *** 69-11 "Tamala Krsna has arrived here, and he was describing about your nice daughter, Candramukhi, how she is chanting *Cintamani* nicely. ==So both you and your wife are doing nice service to Krsna, and He has sent you a nice daughter. Be happy with your good family. *== * Narottama dasa Thakura has sung in his song that anyone who is merged into the ocean of Lord Caitanya's Krsna consciousness movement, never mind what he is—either householder or in the renounced order of life, Srila Narottama dasa Thakura hankers after his association." ([[letters/1969/691113_dayananda|Dayananda, 13 November, 1969]]) ==70-02 "I am also very pleased to know that you are living happily with your good wife and you are expecting a child in July. So now you must take special care to raise the new child in such a nice way that he will become a pure devotee in Krsna consciousness; that is the responsibility of the parents, to see that their child is freed from the clutches of maya."== ([[letters/1970/700214_sacisuta|Sacisuta, 14 February, 1970]]) ==70-03 "I am very happy to know that your daughter Sarasvati is growing up nicely under your care. To see that the child is raised in full Krsna consciousness is the proper management of householder life. And when your good daughter is no longer to be so cared for by you, then you will get enough time to chant Hare Krsna. Both mother and daughter can sit together and chant Hare Krsna."== ([[letters/1970/700306_malati|Malati, 6 March, 1970]]) ==70-03 "I am very happy to learn that you are living and working together happily as grhasthas. Now use this opportunity of household life, not for sense gratification, but for mutually working to perfect your Krsna consciousness.== I am also glad to note that you are eager to bring up many souls in Krsna consciousness, and that is a very encouraging and responsible program. Just one good soul fully developed and firmly convinced in preaching Krsna consciousness can reclaim so many fallen souls for going back to home, back to Godhead. And the best way to prepare such Krsna conscious souls is to train them up from their birth to follow the principles of Krsna consciousness. This is possible by good association of devotee parents, so you must keep always fit in spiritual strength by following the regulative principles faithfully and chanting the sixteen rounds of beads daily without fail; then Krsna will give you more intelligence how to engage yourselves more and more in His service, and your lives will be sublime." ([[letters/1970/700319_patita_uddharana|Nara Narayana and Dina-dayadri, 19 March, 1970]]) *** 70-04 "I am so much pleased with your wife and yourself and I can simply praise you how wonderful you are. ==Both you and your wife are setting good examples how Krsna conscious grhasthas or householders should live for Krsna. *== * You are practically experiencing that there is no difficulty in household life if people are in Krsna consciousness. So please stick to your principles very nicely and the program which you are following is already very nice—lecturing in the university, having classes in your apartment, distributing *prasadam* —all of them are very, very nice. Please offer my blessings to Indira, and go on with your program and Krsna will give you all opportunities." ([[letters/1970/700402_vamanadeva|Vamanadeva, 2 April, 1970]]) ==70-06 "The brahmacaris and sannyasis can take help from the society at large, and the grhasthas are meant for treating the brahmacaris and sannyasis as their children." ([[letters/1970/700614_acyutananda|Acyutananda, 14 June, 1970]]) *** 70-06 "So accepting always Krsna as the supreme adviser and always begging for His mercy, go on with your progressive march—and I am very satisfied with your activities. ==I== am so glad to learn that your good wife is also helping you. That is the duty of a faithful companion of life. If the wife is helpful in the spiritual progress of life, she is the best friend and philosopher. So ==in Krsna consciousness the wife is never a burden, but she is completely a counterpart. So set example to your countrymen how the younger generation can live peacefully, husband and wife, being engaged in Krsnas service. *== * There are many examples of this type of husband and wife working in our different centers for propagating this sublime message." ([[letters/1970/700624_vrndavana_candra|Vrndavana Candra, 24 June, 1970]]) ==70-06 "I wish that all of you, especially those that are married couples, may combinedly advance in Krsna consciousness being constantly engaged in His loving service and that will make me very happy."== ([[letters/1970/700629_madhusudana|Madhusudana, 29 June, 1970]]) *** 70-07 "I am very glad to learn that you are now happily married. I beg to thank you also for the check of your contribution for my book fund, it is very welcome at this time and for the nice photographs of your wedding ceremony. So I think I tried to get yourself married some times before and now Krsna has given you one very good wife. You are intelligent boy, hard worker and devotee of Krsna and your wife is very fine girl and sincere devotee also, so you both, husband and wife, combined together work for your mutual advancement in Krsna consciousness. That is my desire. I am very pleased also to note how you are appreciating the grace of the spiritual master and Krsna for guiding one in the progressive path of spiritual realization. ==Now both you and your wife simply carry out our instructions for keeping always engaged in Krsna activities according to strict following of the rules and regulations and chant Hare Krsna and be happy.== It is so much encouraging to learn that Masturika dasi is already helping you in your Krsna conscious work. May Krsna bless you both with advanced Krsna consciousness." ([[letters/1970/700712_candanacarya|Candanacarya, 12 July, 1970]]) ==70-07 "I have met your wife in San Francisco. She looks very bright after marriage. Actually she is the choicest girl for you, as you desired. Be happy with your wife and enhance your knowledge in Krsna consciousness. I am sure she will be a great help in all respects."== ([[letters/1970/700715_upendra|Gopala Krsna, 15 July, 1970]]) *** 70-08 "Regarding your proposed marriage with Srimati Daivisakti, she appears to be a very nice intelligent devotee, so if she is agreeable to your proposal I have all blessings for your marriage. Now ==please work combinedly in Krsnas service with your new wife when you are married and make your lives perfect in Krsna consciousness. That is my desire. *== * You should be very careful to always set the highest example of householder life in Krsna consciousness and that will automatically benefit all persons with whom you come in contact. So you live and work together in Krsna consciousness and be happy chanting Hare Krsna *mantra." (SPL to Nayanabhirama, August 1st, 1970) ==70-12 "I am glad to hear Mandali Bhadra and Haripriya are working so hard to translate my books. They are both sincere souls and combinedly I am confident that they will do their duty. Husband and wife engaged in the service of the Lord is real marriage, and man and woman combined without service to Krsna is animal life. So their example is very encouraging and instructive."== (SPL to Krsnadasa, December 18th, 1970) 71-03 "Yes, you may get yourself married, provided that you can meet the responsibility of *grhastha* life. If you marry you will have to work to provide for your wife and family and try to spend at least 50% for Krsna consciousness. A Krsna consciousness marriage is not based on sense gratification but rather mutual cooperation between husband and wife for making advancement in spiritual life and also for raising Krsna conscious children. It is said in the *Vedas* that ==one should not take on the responsibility of parenthood unless he can deliver the child from the repeated cycle of birth, death, disease and old age. *== * So in this way mold your life in service to the Lord and be happy." (SPL to Babrubahan, March 4th, 1971) 71-06 "I thank you very much for your letter dated 8th June, 1971 and very generous contribution of $50 on the event of your marriage to Susan O'Neill. So now you are married in Krsna consciousness; that is very nice. But sometimes married life is risky business because being attracted by the wife, one forgets Krsna. But ==if both the husband and wife remember Krsna, then their householder life becomes Vaikuntha. *== * Our Acarya, Bhaktivinoda Thakura, was the perfect householder and we should take his example. How nice a householder he was and how nice children he produced; one of them is my Guru Maharaja. That is the example. So follow it and become successful in Krsna consciousness." (SPL to Svarupa, June 15th, 1971) 72-01 "Regarding householders living in the temple; in India no woman is allowed to stay in the temple at night. But for our preaching work I have permitted women to stay in the temple. But, in the temple, husband and wife should live separately. There are many young *brahmacaris* and *sannyasis* in the temple and men and women living together is simply a source of agitation, so therefore this is my order; ideally the husband and wife can live separately in the temple. If this is not possible they should ==live together close to the temple and attend temple arati etc. and if this is not possible the last alternative is to live away from the temple and conduct your own Deity worship etc. *== * It is best to do the most ideal thing but whatever mode of living you choose the most important thing is to always remain one hundred percent in service of Radha-Krsna." (SPL to Ravindra Svarupa, 25th, January, 1972) *** 72-06 "We, the above institution, have got our spiritual communism idea, and we want to see that not a single person, man or animal, remains hungry or in want of material necessities of life. According to our philosophy, ==a householder or substantial citizen of the state has to see not only after the well-being of his wife, children, relatives and dependents, that they shall be properly taken care of and will not starve, but also even if a lizard lives in his house, he should see that it is not hungry. *== * Therefore, to give all facilities of living condition to all living entities is our Krsna consciousness movement." (SPL to Secretary to Minister of Education and Culture, Government of the USSR, Moscow, June 7th, 1972) 72-07 "So far Dayananda, I have no objection if the *grhasthas* live outside and earn money, but I do not want them to leave. ==The strict temple procedure is only for those who live in the temple. Grhasthas should live outside, and they cannot follow everything, but why they should give up altogether their devotional procedures?== So many big stalwart devotees are leaving, why is this? Advaita, Uddhava, Krsnadasa, and now our Dayananda and Nandarani. I have sent them each one letter, so if you find them, you may deliver them my letters. This is not at all good if our big devotees fall down so easily and go away. Try to save them." ([[letters/1972/720714_karandhara|Karandhara, 14 July, 1972]]) *** 72-11 "I can very much understand your concern. After all, she is your beloved daughter, and you have sacrificed everything just to bring her to the point of proper education, training, and so many things are there between you. But what can I say? In your country the girls are independent, and from very young age they are accustomed to mix with young boys, so naturally there will be attraction, sex desire and marriage. Actually this whole material world is running on this attraction between man and woman. It is described in *Srimad-Bhagavatam* that once the boy and girl unite intimately the hard knot is formed, and the girl is thinking, 'Oh! Without him I am lost,' and the boy is thinking, 'Oh! Without her I am lost,' that is *maya's* arrangement for keeping us bound-up tightly in the material atmosphere. If wife is there, then some money must be coming, that means work, land or factory, children, home, friends, community, nation—like that there is increasing complication of illusion of thinking, 'This is mine, that is mine.' But they do not know that one day death will kick them out, mercilessly, and neither home, nor wife, nor children, nothing can prevent that. All along he is thinking these things are like soldiers of security to safeguard his happy life, but they are described as 'fallible soldiers' because they will not help us at all. When the moment of death is there, no one may protect us, and if we are not prepared for that moment by practicing Krsna consciousness or God consciousness, then we shall be struck with fear and we shall not know where we are going after and what kind of body we may be forced by nature to take. But ==this kind of householder life of 'grhamedhi' consciousness does not apply to our marriages in Krsna consciousness movement. *== * No. Because the sex-urge is so strong in young persons, and because they are used to mixing freely with one another, I encourage my students to get themselves married. But our point is not that hard knot as above described. It is simply a relationship of mutually helping each other, man and wife, to make advancement in spiritual life, nothing more. We are not after home, money, fame, like that. But that does not mean that he shall not support her nicely, no. It is the duty of husband to protect wife in every way from the onslaught of material nature, and he must act always as her spiritual guide by being perfect example of devotee. Women are not so quick to learn, and they are weak by nature, so they should be protected in this way. In our Vedic science of living, it is enjoined that the society should be organized in such a way to protect women, children, old people and cows, because factually all of them are innocent. So children have parents, elderly persons must have grown up children to protect them, and women must have husband. And it is recommended they should be married at very early age, then the wife will remain always chaste and devoted to her husband. At such young age, from the first night onwards, she can never for a moment forget him, being still child and unspoiled, therefore she becomes the perfect chaste wife, and in those times the wife was so much devoted to her husband that she would voluntarily die in the fire of his cremation, unable to live without him. Myself, I was very young when I got married, and my wife was 11 years only. But there is no question of separation in our marriage belief, neither your daughter will ever be separated from that boy, that is their vow. Rather, it is when people are a little grown-up, when they have got little independence and their own ways of doing things, then if they marry there is often difficult to adjust, just as it is more difficulty to bend the bamboo when it is yellow. So I can assure you that you may have nothing to fear that your daughter has married such a nice boy." ([[letters/1972/721107_tamala_krsna_giriraja_manusvi|Mr. Loy, 7 November, 1972]]) ==72-11== "Yes, if there are African girls also who want to join us, and if they get the consent of their elder family members to live with us, they may live in the temple provided there is separate place for them so that boys and girls will not mix freely, just as we are doing everywhere. If that boy wants to marry your African girl, I have no objection as long as she obtains the permission of her parents and elders, and provided they live separately in the temple, or ==if they live together, they must live outside."== ([[letters/1972/721111_cyavana|Cyavana, 11 November, 1972]]) *** 72-12 "I note that you are requesting to take the *sannyasa* order of life. But if you have got wife, that will be difficult. If someone devotee has got wife, that will not become a very popular policy to grant so easily *sannyasa.* And if your wife wants many children, that is the only purpose for getting married to wife, to have facility for sex-life, otherwise what is the use for taking so much botheration of married life? So now you are married man, that decision you have made. That is great responsibility, and that should not become so light matter that anyone may think, 'Oh!, let me get married and if I don't like my wife, or there is anything difficulty, I will write Prabhupāda for taking *sannyasa,* finished. Never-mind wife, let her go to hell.' That is not very nice proposal. Married life is serious business. ==If you have taken wife, you must be completely responsible for her throughout your life. She shall always serve and obey you without fail, and you shall instruct her in Krsna consciousness and act as her spiritual master. *== * Otherwise, without husband, women have great difficulty to make spiritual advancement. So if we have to develop a perfect society of scientific arrangement for making spiritual progress, then so many women will be there, so what shall they do? They have also come to Krsna, we cannot reject them. Therefore I have advised my students to get themselves married. I was householder, my Guru Maharaja was life-long *brahmacari.* But we are doing the same work of preaching Krsna consciousness, so what is the difference, *grhastha* and *brahmacari?* Actual *sannyasa* means that he has given everything to Krsna, so practically you are already *sannyasa.* But if you have got wife, and if she is very desirous to raise children, she will not be very happy if you go away. That is not our business, to create havoc, no. If wife is very strong, she will appreciate if you take *sannyasa,* but if there is question at all, that should be avoided. Just like I never liked my wife, but I knew it was my duty to stick until my sons were grown-up, then I left. But if you give your wife one child, then she will be happy and she will have some life-long occupation, that you must consider. But at least you can wait until I come there next time, then we shall see further." ([[letters/1972/721217_danavir|Danavir, 17 December, 1972]]) *** 73-01 "Thank you very much for the information enclosed. There is no difference between *brahmacari, grhastha, vanaprastha,* and *sannyasi.* Simply ==grhastha means that he lives outside the temple with wife, that is the only difference. Otherwise grhastha must follow the same regulative principles and remain fully engaged in the temple activities. *== * There in London we have such big field for pushing on the preaching work, so I want that you should assist the other devotees there as much as possible and cooperate very closely for helping me in this way. These temples, they are just like oases in the desert for the conditioned souls to quench the thirst of their desire for real happiness. So they must be organized as nicely as possible, and I know you have many talents which can be put to good use. So in cooperation with Dhananjaya and Syamasundara Prabhu, let us work together. You may assist me in this way and I shall be very much pleased upon you." ([[letters/1973/730129_ksirodakasayi|Ksirodakasayi, 29 January, 1973]]) ==74-09 "I am glad to see that you are living an ideal grhastha life. That is very good. The more you will become Krsna conscious the more you will forget sex life. Sex life is the original root cause of material bondage. When one takes to Krsna consciousness gradually sex at last becomes abominable, then he is fit to enter back to home back to Godhead."== ([[letters/1974/740907_batu_gopala|Batu Gopala, 7 September, 1974]]) ==74-09 "So work together husband and wife diligently and pray to Krsna to help you. He is sitting in your heart and will surely give you good intelligence, as soon as He finds that you are engaged in His service with faith and love. Our Krsna is not a dead God as with other things. He is the supreme living being and very affectionate to His devotees. He is the responsive cooperator with our activities. So stick to His lotus feet as advised by Lord Caitanya.*"== ([[letters/1974/740915_resolution|Taittiriya dasi, 15 September, 1974]]) ==74-12 "Now you are raising your third child. So more and more you are becoming responsible for these living entities who are your dependents. You must see that they do not take birth again in this material world. That is your duty.== Therefore you and your good wife must endeavor strongly together to become fully Krsna conscious through this simple, sublime process that I have given. By simply following this process without deviation, chanting sixteen rounds, following the four regulative principles, attending classes and *mangala-arati,* rising early, these things will gradually bring you to the platform of pure love of Krsna." ([[letters/1974/741228_jagadisa|Jagadisa, 28 December, 1974]]) *** 75-01 "I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated December 22nd, 1972, and I have noted the contents with care. For these questions arising between married husband and wife, you are requesting me to leave your wife and take the *vanaprastha* order of life, for these questions you must consult with and take permission from presidents and GBC. Yes, I know your wife Lilasakti, and I know that she is very serious and advanced disciple. But now you are married to her, there is some obligation according to our Krsna consciousness or Vedic system. These things cannot be taken so lightly, otherwise the whole thing will become a farce. Simply get married without considering what is the serious nature of married life, then if there is little disturbance, or if I do not like my wife or my husband, let me go away, everyone else is doing like that. So in this way the whole thing is becoming a farce. You say that your 'association together was hindering your advancement.' But Krsna consciousness marriage system should not be taken in that way, that if there is any botheration that means something is hindering my spiritual progress, no. Once it is adopted, the *grhastha* life, even it may be troublesome at times, it must be fulfilled as my occupational duty. Of course, it is better to remain unmarried, celibate. But so many women are coming, we cannot reject them. If someone comes to Krsna it is our duty to give them protection. Krsna has informed us in *Bhagavad-gita* that even women and *sudras* and other inferior classes of men can take refuge in Him. So the problem is there, the women must have a husband to give protection. Of course, if the women can remain unmarried, and if there is suitable arrangement for the temple to protect them, just like in the Christian Church there is nunnery for systematic program of engaging the ladies and protecting them, that is also nice. But if there is sex desire, how to control it? Women are normally very lusty, more lusty than men, and they are weaker sex, it is difficult for them to make spiritual advancement without the help of husband. For so many reasons, our women must have husband. That's all right, but if once they have got a husband he goes away so quickly, that will not be very much happy for them. Now I do not know the situation in your particular case, I am simply giving you the general policy or background understanding. We should never think of our so-called advancement as being conditioned by or dependent upon some set of material circumstances such as marriage, *vanaprastha,* or this or that. Mature understanding of Krsna consciousness means that whatever condition of life I am in at present, that is Krsna's special mercy upon me, therefore let me take advantage in the best way possible to spread this Krsna consciousness movement and conduct my spiritual masters mission. If I consider my own personal progress or happiness or any other thing personal, that is material consideration. If there was unhappy adjustment for becoming married, why you get married at all? Whatever is done, is done, that is a fact, but I am only pointing out that once before you did something without proper study of your real responsibility, now you are contemplating again some drastic action in a similar manner. Therefore consider it carefully in this light. There is one verse from *Bhagavad-gita:* yasman nodvijate loko lokan nodvijate ca yahharsamarsa-bhayodvegair mukto yah sa ca me priyah, 'He for whom no one is put into difficulty and who is not disturbed by anxiety, who is steady in happiness and distress, is very dear to Me.' (12.15) One mistake of judgement often made by the neophyte devotees is that any time there is some disturbance or some difficulty they are considering that the conditions or the external circumstances under which the difficulty took place are the cause of the difficulty itself. That is not the fact. In this material world there is always some difficulty, no matter in this situation or that situation. Therefore simply by changing my status of occupation or my status of life, that will not help anything. Because the real fact is that if there is any difficulty with others, that is my lack of Krsna consciousness, not theirs. Is this clear? Krsna says that His dearest devotee is one who does not put others into difficulty, in fact, who puts no one other into difficulty. So try to judge the matter on these points, whether or not you are putting either your wife or yourself into some difficulty. Of course, our occupational duty is as preachers of Krsna consciousness. So we must stick to that business under all circumstances, that is the main thing. Therefore married, unmarried, divorced, whatever condition of life, my preaching mission does not depend on these things. The *varnasrama-dharma* system is scientifically arranged by Krsna to provide facility for delivering the fallen souls back to home, back to Godhead. And if we make a mockery of this system by whimsically disrupting the order, that we must consider. That will not be a very good example if so many young boys and girls so casually become married and then go away from each other, and the wife is little unhappy, the husband is neglecting her in so many ways, like that. If we set this example, then how the thing will go on properly? ==Householder life means wife, children, home, these things are understood by everyone, why our devotees have taken it as something different? They simply have some sex-desire, get themselves married, and when the matter does not fulfill their expectations, immediately there is separation—these things are just like material activities, prostitution.== The wife is left without husband, and sometimes there is child to be raised, in so many ways the proposition that you, and some others also, are making becomes distasteful. We cannot expect that our temples will become places of shelter for so many widows and rejected wives, that will be a great burden and we shall become the laughing stock in the society. There will be unwanted progeny also. And there will be illicit sex-life, that we are seeing already. And being the weaker sex, women require to have a husband who is strong in Krsna consciousness, so that they may take advantage and make progress by sticking tightly to his feet. If their husband goes away from them, what will they do? So many instances are already there in our Society, so many frustrated girls and boys. So I have introduced this marriage system in your Western countries because there is custom of freely intermingling male and female. Therefore marriage is required just to engage the boys and girls in devotional service, never mind distinction of living status. But our marriage system is little different than in your country, we do not sanction the policy of divorce. We are supposed to take husband or wife as eternal companion or assistant in Krsna consciousness service, and there is promise never to separate. Of course if there is any instance of very advanced disciples, married couple, and they have agreed that the husband shall now take *sannyasa* or renounced order of life, being mutually very happy by that arrangement, then there is ground for such separation. But even in those cases there is no question of separation, the husband, even he is *sannyasa,* he must be certain his wife will be taken care of nicely and protected in his absence. Now so many cases are there of unhappiness by the wife who has been abandoned by her husband against her wishes. So how can I sanction such thing? I want to avoid setting any bad example for future generations, therefore I am so much cautiously considering your request. But if it becomes so easy for me to get married and then leave my wife, under excuse of married life being an impediment to my own spiritual progress, that will not be very good at all. That is misunderstanding of what is advancement in spiritual life. Occupational duty must be there, either this one or that one, but once I am engaged in something occupational duty, then I should not change that or give it up, that is the worst mistake. Devotional service is not bound up by such designations. Therefore once I have chosen, it is better to stick in that way and develop my devotional attitude into full-blown love of Godhead. That is Arjunas understanding." (SPL to Madhukara, January 4th, 1975) 75-02 "I have studied your situation carefully and I encourage you to live in the temple in the association of fixed up devotees who are following my teachings strictly. If your husband cannot follow our principles properly, you are not to think that you should let that hamper your spiritual life. You should stay with us and cultivate spiritual life peacefully under Krsna’s protection and care. If he is not interested in spiritual life, let him do as he pleases. I have given all of my disciples instructions to follow for making spiritual advancement, but if they do not have the desire to follow, then what can I do? ==Anyone who is unwilling to follow our regulated principles, you should not live or associate closely with such a person."== ([[letters/1975/750203_radhey_syam_kripalu|Kusa devi dasi, 3 February, 1975]]) ==75-06 "So now that you are married you work together to spread Krsna consciousness. Marriage means that one's service becomes doubled, but at the same time we have to be careful not to fall into sense gratification. That tendency is there, and we have to be always vigilant. Best thing is to chant carefully our sixteen rounds on the beads and always think of Krsna."== ([[letters/1975/750627_hrdayananda|Jnana dasa and Lilavati dasi, 27 June, 1975]]) *** 75-07 "I received a report that he was talking privately in his room with a woman, and if anybody would try to come in, then he would get angry, saying get out, get out. What is this? In India private talks with woman are immediately condemned. He is a good preacher, but it is very dangerous to close the door with woman, and then he becomes angry if anybody comes. Lust is so strong that if it is obstructed it turns into anger. Brahmananda Swami and Bhavananda Swami also confirm that he has this tendency. All women should be sent from Calcutta to Mayapur. No women should be in Calcutta. ==Woman is good and man is good, but if you combine them, then both become bad, unless there is regulation."== ([[letters/1975/750714_giriraja|Gopala Krsna dasa, 14 July, 1975]]) *** 76-01 "If there is possibility to preach amongst the communists, you must do it immediately. The intelligent communist people will very easily understand our philosophy. We can convince them on the basis of: *samah sarvesu bhutesu,* a Krsna conscious person is equally disposed to every living entity (Bhagavad-gita * 18.54). You become a communist and make the present imperfect idea of communism perfect. The idea of the communist philosophy is that the state should be benefited. But the state being imperfect, the living entities other than the human beings cannot derive any profit. It is therefore no better than the capitalists. For the benefit of the human beings, the capitalist kills the poor animals. Similarly, the communist does the same thing. Where is the difference? Perfect communism is in the * Srimad-Bhagavatam * wherein it is stated that you feel for the poor animals as well as the human beings. * Srimad-Bhagavatam * instructs that ==even if there is a snake or lizard in the house, it is the duty of the householder to see that they are also eating, not starving. * == *So you have to begin your preaching with such broader idea of communism. So this is a good wish for Krsna's service. If it is possible take immediate opportunity for it. So far as coming out of Hungary once you enter, if you can preach what is the need of coming out?" ([[letters/1976/760118_dvarakesa|Dvarakesa, 18 January, 1976]]) ==76-04 "The proposed farm project in northern California is approved by me. Such projects as well as constructing temples, protecting cows, gathering milk, then making ghee, then opening Hare Krsna Restaurants are all good programs for grhasthas."== ([[letters/1976/760402_v.g.k._dipple|Citsukhananda dasa, 2 April, 1976]]) ## Conception 67-02 "I am in due receipt of the copy of *Back to Godhead* magazine dated 15th February 1967 and I am glad that it is nicely done. The only defect is that picture which is wrongly put there without asking me. There was no need of interpretations and why you have interpreted the picture as one has to be naked before the Lord to become perfect? We have no interpretation in any one of the verses in the *Gita* and *Srimad-Bhagavatam.* They were not fictitious and therefore there is no need of interpretation. Krsna actually took away the dresses of the *gopis* and actually He saw the girls naked. There is no interpretation there. The girls of Vrndavana are the same age like Krsna and wanted Krsna as their husband. In India the girls are married earlier than ten years at least and thus the girls who were of the same age were married although they wished Krsna as their husband. Krsna fulfilled their wishes by these pastimes. ==Nobody can ask any woman or girl to become naked except the husband. That is the moral etiquette of Vedic culture. *== * Krsna is actually husband of every woman. There was no necessity of formal marriage. But still Krsna played like husband by asking them to become naked. In the spiritual world there is no co-habitation; simply by such emotion in transcendental ecstasy the desire is fulfilled. These pictures of Krsna and the *gopis* are not understandable by a layman who has no idea of Krsna. Therefore, this picture was wrongly put without asking me. Please, therefore, consult me before putting any such picture or interpretations. One must understand first Krsna from the *Bhagavatam* by reading the first nine chapters. Otherwise Krsna would be taken as an ordinary man and His pastimes will be wrongly understood. Besides that, a *brahmacari* should not see any kind of naked picture. That is violation *of brahmacari* law. I am asking you therefore not to put the picture in the issue of *Back to Godhead* Magazine. I have asked here not to put this picture and so also I am asking you. I think all the pictures are not yet stapled and therefore it must not be put in there." ([[letters/1967/670228_rayarama|Rayarama, 28 February, 1967]]) ==68-08 "Regarding your question: 'What is the correct sexual etiquette for a strict grhastha; and what is spiritual family planning?' Unless one wants to beget a child, there should not be any sex life. The best thing is to forget sex, but it is not possible immediately or all of a sudden, especially in the Western countries where sex life is so liberal. So under the circumstances, one should try to have sex life only for children."== (SPL to Dayananda and Nandarani, August 24th, 1968) 68-09 "I am so happy to learn that you are proud of being the husband of Jadurani. Yes, you should be proud of having a nice wife like that. And I have handed over my daughter unto you, because I knew it that you will be the perfect boy to take care of her. Recently she was deteriorating in her health, so I was very much anxious about her, therefore I decided to give her in your charge. Of course, even when you were not married, you were taking care of her always, but when the relationship is there as husband and wife, there is the question of responsibility. So I wanted you to take that responsibility. Anyway, everyone in our Society thinks your combination is very much appropriate. So be happy with your nice wife and take care of her properly. In your letter of the 17th instant, you have very frankly inquired from me about householder life, especially in the matter of sex relationship. A *sannyasi* is not supposed to be asked about anything sexual. But still, because you are so much dependent on my instruction, so I must give you information as far as possible. Married life is not for sex indulgence. The principle of marriage is on the background of getting good children. So ==the householder is allowed to have sex life once a month, just after the menstrual period. The menstrual period prolongs at least for five days, so after these five days, one can have sex life provided he desires to get a child. *== * And as soon as the wife is pregnant, no more sex life until the child is born and grown up at least for six months. After that one may have sex life on the same principle. If one does not want more than one or two children, he should voluntarily stop sex life. But one should not strictly use any contraceptive method and at the same time indulge in sex life. That is very much sinful. If the husband and wife can voluntarily restrain by powerful advancement of Krsna consciousness, that is the best method. It is not necessary that because one has got wife, therefore you must have sex life. The whole scheme is to avoid sex life as far as possible. And if one can avoid it completely then it is a great victory for him. Married life is a sort of license for sex life on condition of raising children. So you should try to understand these principles of married life and use your discretion. You should not imitate great personalities like Bhaktivinoda Thakura, but you must follow his footprints. But it is not always possible to have the same success as great personalities like Bhaktivinoda Thakura achieved. So in all circumstances you should try to follow the footprints of the authorities but never to imitate them. Unless Jadurani develops a better health and strength, I do not advise her to become pregnant. I think you will understand the instruction as I have given and try to follow it as far as possible." ([[letters/1968/680920_satsvarupa|Satsvarupa, 20 September, 1968]]) ==68-12 "I think that because Jadurani is not quite healthy at the present, there is no need of overburdening with pregnancy. In her weakness, the child will be a burden for you and her. Also a child born in weak health is always unhealthy. So it is better you wait until the situation improves."== ([[letters/1968/681229_satsvarupa|Satsvarupa, 29 December, 1968]]) ==69-01 "You have asked me some questions about the functions of sex life in Krsna consciousness, and the basic principle is that it should be avoided as far as possible. However, if it is unavoidable, then it should be utilized only for begetting Krsna conscious children. In that case, the husband and wife should chant at least fifty rounds before going to sex. The recommended period is six days after the menstrual period." ([[letters/1969/690118_satsvarupa|Syama dasi, 18 January, 1969]]) *** 69-02 "In answer to your questions concerning sex life: sex life restriction does not mean that the husband and wife live separately. The idea of marriage is to increase spiritual consciousness as far as possible. And by advancement of Krsna consciousness that restriction becomes automatically practical. ==Sex life for begetting Krsna conscious children is as good as Krsna consciousness. This is confirmed in the Bhagavad-gita *== * so one has to use his own discretion in this matter and Krsna will help such discriminatory method. It is not that in every state you have to concern me but you have to concern Krsna who is situated within. On the whole, sex life, like that of ordinary materialistic men, is not recommended for a Krsna conscious person. My Guru Maharaja, although he was *brahmacari,* sometimes used to say, 'If I could beget Krsna conscious children I am prepared to indulge in sex life one hundred times.' The summary is sex life should be used only for begetting Krsna conscious children—that's all." ([[letters/1969/690220_hayagriva|Hayagriva, 20 February, 1969]]) *** 69-03 "Your next question: In regard to Kardama Muni how can a pure devotee become passionate for any amount of agitation? That is not passion. One should not be impotent also. One should have full potency to beget children but such sex life should be under his full control. Passion is a different thing. Passion makes one blind. And a devotee is full controller, that is the difference. The example is given of the tortoise; as soon as he likes he discloses his senses and when he likes he pulls them within. That is the position of a pure devotee. He can wind up the senses whenever he likes and whenever he likes he can exhibit the senses. On the whole, he is not under the control of the senses as are ordinary persons. That is the meaning of *gosvami.* A *gosvami* does not mean he is to become impotent and can have no children; but he can use it when he likes. They are never the victim of passion. Sense gratification means unlawful sex life. Sex life is not sense gratification. If there is no need of sex life and one uses sex life anyway that is sense gratification. But ==when there is need of sex life that is not sense gratification. *== * Never think that the devotee is impotent and is obliged to become free from sex life. If required they can take sex life 1,000 times. Otherwise, if there is no need for it they have no use for it. Kardama Muni married a wife. Why he shall not give her children? The wife begged that she must have some children. So he must satisfy the wife and give her some children, that is the duty of the husband. But he left his wife as soon as the son was grown up. Not that he used to live with the wife for all the days. So far Lord Brahma and his attraction for his daughter; this illustration should be taken by conditioned souls, that even a person like Brahma is sometimes victimized, how much careful we should be. Not that even Brahma was enticed so we shall become enticed more and more. This is an example set for us by great devotees. ==To become agitated is not very unusual thing, but to control it, that is the real thing."== ([[letters/1969/690323_himavati|Himavati, 23 March, 1969]]) ==69-07 "Regarding your questions about sex life, the basic principle is that in executing Krsna consciousness sex life should be avoided as far as possible, and it may be utilized only for begetting Krsna consciousness children. This is the basic principle that should be followed as far as possible by all married individuals. During the period of pregnancy sex life should be strictly avoided."== ([[letters/1969/690715_jadurani|Bibhavati, 15 July, 1969]]) ==69-10 "[PAGE MISSING] "...strong and if he has sex with a woman she is sure to become pregnant. When pregnancy fails it is due to the weakness of the male partner generally. Similarly, if we are full with Krsna vitality then wherever we go the audience will be impregnated with Krsna consciousness."== ([[letters/1969/691031_satsvarupa|Satsvarupa, 31 October, 1969]]) ==71-10 "Regarding children, when you are married you will have children undoubtedly, but you should wait for the opportune moment when Krsna will bestow upon you all good fortune. Our line of action is enthusiasm and patience."== ([[letters/1971/711014_vasudeva|Vrnda devi, 14 October, 1971]]) ==74-06 "I am sorry to hear of your wife's poor health. You have tried so many treatments, pills and better climates and visits to doctors, but there is no improvement. I think you can admit her to the hospital on a longer term basis for recouping her health. You should not expect to have children until she is in good health."== ([[letters/1974/740609_muralidhara|Muralidhara, 9 June, 1974]]) ==75-11 "I note that your wife has given birth to one girl child. Are all your other children also dasi's or do you have any dasa's? We want more dasa's than dasi's."== ([[letters/1975/751110_bahudak|Bahudaka dasa, 10 November, 1975]]) *** 76-02 "...the chanting will have the most effect if you can abide by the principles of purified living; first, no eating of meat, fish, or eggs; second, no gambling; third, no taking of any kinds of intoxicants such as drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, coffee or tea; and fourth, ==no illicit sex life, which means sex life only within marriage and then only for the purpose of procreating Krsna conscious children. If you can follow these principles and chant Hare Krsna, you will make great spiritual advancement. *== * The best thing is for you to associate with the devotees at the Dallas temple, then it will be much easier." ([[letters/1976/760201_alain|Alain, 1 February, 1976]]) ## Pregnancy 67-06 "I am also glad to learn that you have a child within your womb, and please accept all my blessings for the newcomer for whom we shall be very glad to receive just after a few months. ==Please take care of your health so that the child may grow very healthy and become Krsna conscious. *== * Prahlada Maharaja was in the womb of his mother and heard the instructions of Narada Muni and later on he became the most famous devotee of Lord Krsna. It is the duty of all parents to make every child Krsna conscious, so that the fortunate child born of Krsna conscious parents may not have any more to take birth in this material world." ([[letters/1967/670609_nandarani|Nandarani, 9 June, 1967]]) ==67-09 "The best preparation for the coming of the child is just for the parents to remain perfectly Krsna conscious, and of course the best means for that is by chanting the holy names and listening to Bhagavad-gita and Srimad-Bhagavatam."== ([[letters/1967/670829_satsvarupa_and_hansadutta|Hamsaduta, 29 August, 1967]]) ==67-09 "Please try and be steadfast in your time of pregnancy and Krsna will be pleased. *== * Yours will be the first baby born into a Krsna consciousness family in America, so we must be very careful for him while he is in the womb. In the *Srimad-Bhagavatam* the environment of the child in the womb is described by Narada Muni as a very awful place and after nine months when the child has developed its body and consciousness to some degree the entrapped soul begs to Lord Krsna to set me free and promises that in this life he will be a devotee. At that time the baby is allowed to be born, but unfortunately during the Kali-yuga as soon as the child has come out of the womb he is, in ninety percent of the cases not given any facility to further his Krsna consciousness. However, in your case Krsna has shown this soul great mercy. The *Bhagavata* also says that no one should become the parent unless he can deliver the child from the clutches of death. So it is your duty to make this baby Krsna conscious so that he may not have to take birth again. My advice for the present is that ==during your time of pregnancy you should eat very simple foods, hot or spicy foods are not to be taken and also sexual relations are forbidden."== (SPL to Himavati, September, 1967) ==67-11 "I may advise you that in your pregnant condition you may not take any pungent foodstuffs. Your husband knows how to prepare nice capatis and you can take them nicely buttered."== ([[letters/1967/671102_himavati|Himavati, 2 November, 1967]]) *** 68-02 "I thank you very much for that nice sketch done by Janaki, and I shall have Jadurani begin a painting from that pose. So far the spirit soul is concerned, if conditions are for some reason not favorable in some place, he is forced to leave that womb and take shelter in another. And if there is chanting of Hare Krsna, even the soul is there for a short time, Oh! He will hear and become advanced. This sound vibration is not material, it is spiritual, and powerful beyond our conception. So it cannot be hindered in any way by something material; it surpasses all these material barriers. So ==you can know it that when you are chanting, you are also giving benefit to even the child in the womb. *== * I hope you are feeling much healthier by this time, and I shall be very glad to see you when I arrive in San Francisco. Hope you are both well." ([[letters/1968/680228_mukunda_janaki|Mukunda and Janaki, 28 February, 1968]]) *** 69-03 "I am happy to hear that you and your good husband are living peacefully at New Vrndavana and executing Krsna consciousness. This is very nice, and is a good example for others. In the Western countries there is practically no real family life, and we have to show good example of Krsna consciousness family life, and others will be attracted to follow your examples. This is my idea. I understand you are now expecting a nice child for raising in Krsna consciousness. In this connection, you should avoid any spicy foods so long the child is within the womb. So far this soya sauce, I have no personal experience with it. I understand soya beans are nice, but I do not know about this soya sauce. So far natural childbirth is concerned natural delivery is possible if we keep ourselves naturally. And so far I know that ==a pregnant woman should not eat any pungent foodstuffs; she should not move in cars and she should not sit idly. She should move and do some physical work. These are the general rules== and regulations I have seen in India, and they have natural delivery. But so far your country is concerned and especially the situation of women here, that is a different thing. I cannot say definitely what is to be done. And under the circumstances, the best thing is to consult a doctor as they usually do. And after all, Krsna is the ultimate master, so if we keep the natural habits and depend on Krsna then everything will be done nicely without any difficulty. So best thing is for you to consult a doctor and do the necessary." ([[letters/1969/690324_satyabhama|Satyabhama, 24 March, 1969]]) ==70-04 "If you have got extra time I encourage you to learn Sanskrit along with your husband. So far your movement is concerned in pregnancy, you should strictly not ride on cars or any conveyance until your delivery, neither should you dance also."== ([[letters/1970/700401_arundhati|Arundhati, 1 April, 1970]]) ## Child Birth ==68-05 "Yes, so far your coming child is concerned, I shall give a name to it when it is born. No, circumcision is not done in Vedic culture, it is not required."== (SPL to Malati, May 28th, 1968) ==68-06 "Just now I received one telephone message from San Francisco that a baby girl is born of Malati and Syamasundara. And they asked me for registration of the baby's name, and she is named by me as Sarasvati devi. Please pray for the newly born baby in Krsna consciousness."== ([[letters/1968/680617_sacisuta|Sacisuta, 17 June, 1968]]) ==69-03 "I understand that you are proposing for delivering children. That is not a sannyasi's business. You should not bother about it. A== sannyasi should not much bother about family affairs. Best thing is that they shall go to a bona fide physician for delivering the children, otherwise there may be complications which only a physician may have experience in handling."== ([[letters/1969/690324_brahmananda|Kīrtanānanda, 24 March, 1969]]) ==69-04 "Regarding Bibhavati's plan of natural childbirth, this is very good. Since your wife is pregnant, let her be engaged with some little work, that will help her natural childbirth." ([[letters/1969/690430_isanadas|Isana dasa, 30 April, 1969]]) ==70-06 "I understand that your first child will be born in one month. The child may be named 'Jagannatha' and you may make it dasa or dasi accordingly."== (SPL to Vamanadeva, June 22nd, 1970) ==71-08 "So far naming your child is concerned, you as her parents should give her a suitable name and you can add the prefix bhakta dasi or servant of the devotee, as are we all. Then when she grows up and takes initiation from a bona fide spiritual master, she may be given a new name at that time." (SPL to David R. Schomaker, August 9th, 1971) ==71-11 "You may name your daughter Mitra dasi, I have no objection. You may call your children as you like, but you should always inform my secretary to make sure the name is entered on our list to avoid repetition. Later, the children may be given another name upon initiation, as it is seen fit." ([[letters/1971/711127_abhirama|Lalita Kumara and Jambavati dasi, 27 November, 1971]]) ==75-05 "The names for the new child are approved by me. Circumcision is not important."== ([[letters/1975/750507_lalita_priya|Bhakta dasa, 7 May, 1975]]) *** 75-09 "The whole *varnasrama* system discourages sex life. ==Circumcision is a facility for sex life. *== * So in other systems of religion or throughout the whole universe the tendency is to enjoy sex life, whereas the *varnasrarna* system discourages sex life. Sex life is the cause of bondage of the conditioned soul to remain in the material world. If one can conquer over the sex impulses voluntarily, he conquers over the influence of material nature. So the ideals being different, I think ==in the Vedic system such circumcision is prohibited."== ([[letters/1975/750930_arvind_shah|Arvinda Shah, 30 September, 1975]]) ## Child Raising (see Education-Nursery) Child Raising Click here to go to Education-Nursery ## Grhastha Maintenance and Contributions 67-04 "I can understand that you are a family man. You cannot expend the whole amount you earn, but as your wife has proposed that she can allow you to spare fifty percent. So either fifty percent or any percent you can easily spare for the Society, we shall welcome. Don't be overburdened. We don't want anyone to be overburdened. Rather I shall ask Kīrtanānanda who is not a family man to take the whole responsibility. So don't be agitated. Prosecute Krsna consciousness in peacefulness. One thing I shall request you and your wife: to translate into French all our books. ==The Society will be obliged to you by your intellectual service more than by money; because you are a family man and you require money. I hope this will satisfy you."== ([[letters/1967/670412_janardana|Janardana, 12 April, 1967]]) *** 67-08 "I am also very happy to learn that Himavati is going to have a baby. A child is a rare gift given by Krsna, but at the same time a great responsibility; every parent has the responsibility to see that his child grows up Krsna conscious. I know that you understand this and will always make Krsna the center of your home. Now as to what you should do; there are a number of courses of action open to you. First of all you are a family man, and usually at this point a man must think about providing for his wife and child. So ==if you like you can take a job in New York or elsewhere and settle as an ordinary householder, like Rupanuga and others; *== * or, if you prefer, you can continue to work within the temple, either at Montreal or wherever there is sufficient space to accommodate you. But you must think of your health. I had already noticed a deterioration when I was in New York and now you say it has gotten worse. That is not good and you must correct it. So do the needful. Above all don't be worried. Krsna will help you. If it is necessary to go to work in order to maintain your wife and family nicely, Krsna will give you all support necessary." ([[letters/1967/670815_hansadutta|Hamsaduta, 15 August, 1967]]) *** 68-01 "Because you are a sincere servant of Krsna, Krsna is giving you gradually facilities to advance in your engagement of Krsna consciousness. I am so glad to learn that now you have a nice apartment of 4 rooms, and also a nice job for meeting all your necessary expenses. Take them as benediction from Krsna and utilize them for Krsna consciousness business. If you can provide yourself by independent handiwork then you can give up your present job, otherwise you continue with your job, even it is nonsense. The thing is ==we must have sufficient time for executing Krsna consciousness business, so you have to select which one will be suitable for you. If you think that by carving Jagannathas or painting you will have sufficient income it is very nice. *== * Otherwise, do not give up your present job for some future hope." ([[letters/1968/680111_gargamuni|Hamsaduta, 11 January, 1968]]) *** 68-01 "I == == am in due receipt of your letter dated January 17th, 1968, and I == == quite approve of your planning on becoming a householder, and at the same time serve the cause of our Society. ==A Krsna conscious member, even though he is a householder, may spend at least fifty percent of his income for the Society. *== * The *brahmacaris* have dedicated their life and everything but the householder should spare at least fifty percent of income for the Society. That is the standard distribution of money example set by Rupa Goswami. That is the standard distribution of money example set by our predecessors, Rupa Goswami and Sanatana Goswami. We may try to follow the footprints of our predecessors. Srila Rupa Goswami used to distribute his money as follows: fifty percent for Krsna, twenty-five percent for relatives, and twenty-five percent for personal emergency expenditures. I ====think this is very nice." ([[letters/1968/680121_advaita|Advaita, 21 January, 1968]]) ==68-05 "That is all right, whenever you are able to do so, then contribute fifty percent of your income to the temple." (SPL to Mukunda, May 6th, 1968) ==68-05 "As you are married, there is no need of separation as you are practicing artificially. You must live just like a respectable married couple and earn money as a grhastha, and spend fifty percent for Krsna—that is the real program."== (SPL to Hamsaduta, May 28th, 1968)"* ==68-11 "Regarding Press: I have already written to Brahmananda how the Press should be started. The following principles should be followed strictly in our Press: All the works of the Press, including binding, and everything should be done by our men. We shall not accept any outside job for maintaining of this Press. We will print simply our books and magazines, etc. And the boys and their families should be maintained by the sales proceeds of books and magazines." (SPL to Rayarama, November 19th, 1968) ==68-12 "Regarding my apartment, if it is possible to keep it with no strain on your financial condition it is all right. Otherwise, I am not very serious about retaining the apartment. Everything should be performed with no strain because too much financial strain will hamper our progress in Krsna consciousness."== ([[letters/1968/681219_brahmananda|Brahmananda, 19 December, 1968]]) *** 69-02 "I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated January 30, 1969, and ==I am so glad to learn that you are working as a full time secretary in a good business firm. Please try to continue this work as far as possible.== I think that by Krsnas mercy you must be feeling happy. Now you are getting some income which is essential for householder life, and you are living with your husband, so I am very much satisfied that you are in happy mood. Now I am sure that you will be able to contribute $5,000 to my book fund. I understand that you have some difficulty with your dictaphone, and as soon as you fix it, I will continue to send you some tapes." ([[letters/1969/690210_govinda|Govinda dasi, 10 February, 1969]]) *** 69-02 "Regarding the departments not contributing to the temple, this is not very satisfactory situation. ==The method of contributing should be those who are not married should contribute all their income to the temple. Those who are married should contribute 50%.== That should be the principle of contribution of the members and followers of the Krsna consciousness movement. So if there are problems in this matter discuss it in the board meetings. If such things are not settled there, then what is the meaning of this board of trustees? The local management of affairs must be decided by the board, and that decision should be final." ([[letters/1969/690217_brahmananda|Brahmananda, 17 February, 1969]]) *** 69-07 "Regarding your $2,000 which you promised to send me within 3 weeks, I beg to thank you for this. Actually a *brahmacari* should contribute whatever he has got to Krsna, through the spiritual master. The spiritual master does not accept anything for his personal use, but he employs everything for Krsna's service. Therefore, the spiritual master is accepted, in the renounced order of life. ==So far as householders are concerned, they may contribute at least half of their income to Krsna. Then life is sublime. *== * After all, everything belongs to Krsna and the sooner we return whatever we have got to Krsna, the better it is. That is our normal life." ([[letters/1969/690705_giriraja|Giriraja, 5 July, 1969]]) *** 69-07 "Regarding your question about marriage, the thing is that I am a *sannyasi,* I am not concerned with family life, but because I want to see my disciples very happy in Krsna consciousness, therefore, those who are feeling some sexual disturbance are requested by me to get themselves married. Another principle is that those who are *brahmacaris* should sacrifice all of their income and collection for the Krsna consciousness movement, whereas ==those who are married should work, earning money as much as possible, and at least fifty percent should be spent for the Krsna consciousness movement. *== * So we have no objection for allowing you to get married, but it is up to you to consider if you will work hard and earn money both for Krsna and for your family. You cannot get married and at the same time do not earn money. Of course, by preaching *sankirtana* movement if you are satisfied with a small income, that is also nice. I think that your Godbrother, Rupanuga, is an ideal householder and you should try to follow him." ([[letters/1969/690705_sacisuta|Sacisuta, 5 July, 1969]]) *** 69-07 "You also write to say that you have a good job that will further train you in carpentry skills, so do this nicely. It is a good opportunity. If you want to marry, you may inform all centers that you are looking for a wife, and if a girl is willing to marry, there is no objection. It is a nice idea. But ==if you marry, you will have to work to provide for your family, and try to spend at least fifty percent for Krsna."== ([[letters/1969/690712_vamanadeva|Vamanadeva, 12 July, 1969]]) *** 69-10 =="You are intelligent and have got qualifications, but you must learn to be more responsible. I was not very happy when I saw your wife last. She is so nice girl. You are married; you must be responsible for the maintenance of your wife. As you are qualified, you can work as a musician; but you must maintain her nicely and help her to progress in Krsna Conciousness."== (SPL to Baradraja, October 21st, 1969) 70-02 "You said that your job is *maya* but you must know that *maya* is illusion. As soon as there is absence of Krsna consciousness that is *maya.* But ==you are working just to help and push Krsna's interest, therefore, it is not maya. *== * In the *Bhakti-rasamrta-sindhu,* Rupa Goswami Prabhu has recommended anything dovetailed in Krsna consciousness is real renouncement. The Mayavadis' renouncement with an ambition of becoming one with the Supreme is called false renunciation. They renounce the world for a greater sense gratification. To maintain an ambition of becoming one with the Supreme is top rank sense gratification; whereas a person in all kinds of apparently material works, but ultimately the beneficiary is Krsna, is in a greater position of renunciation than the Mayavadis. So do not forget Krsna in any circumstance of life and Krsna will save you from all pitfalls of material existence." ([[letters/1970/700203_jayagovinda|Jaya Govinda, 3 February, 1970]]) *** 70-02 "I have heard about Vamanadeva in his last news bulletin and both of them are doing nicely there on account of being sincere to the spiritual master and Krsna. From the beginning I encouraged young boys and girls married and united together to preach Krsna consciousness, and this process has proved practical. So when you are also married with a good devotee, you can do the same work and open a center in some place convenient to you. That will spread our Krsna consciousness movement. ==I always advise married couples that the male should be engaged in some work; but if somebody is busily engaged in our activities and therefore cannot work outside, that is also nice. *== * We do not press people to contribute, and even though we do so, it is for the good of the contributor because everything is employed for advancing this Krsna consciousness movement. The initiated householders are supposed to be *brahmanas* and according to scriptural injunction a *brahmana* can accept charity for employing the income in the service of the Lord. The boys and girls who chant in the street are also giving in charity the highest benefit to the people in general. So far such *brahmanas* or *brahmacaris* or *sannyasis* asking contributions is not against the law, actually that is the way of livelihood for persons who are not *karmis.* Sometimes such persons in India go door to door for collecting alms. The whole idea is that one should not be a professional beggar for livelihood, but for Krsna s service this asking...[PAGE MISSING]" ([[letters/1970/700210_ekayani|Ekayani, 10 February, 1970]]) *** 70-03 "In that way, I wanted you to live with me and be engaged in writing such things, getting ideas from me. But we will have to wait for a few days more, and then I shall ask you to leave completely from your present occupation in the university. At present, you patiently work there and get as much money as possible for developing New Vrndavana. As ==I recommend to every householder, if you spend fifty percent of your income for Krsna's business in developing New Vrndavana, and a similar amount is collected by Kīrtanānanda Maharaja, I think there will be no need of financial help from other centers. *== * I have inquired yesterday of Gargamuni whether he has any response to his appeal for money to other centers and he said there was none. So I don't think other centers will be able to help another center for developing. Each center has to manage its own affairs independently." ([[letters/1970/700319_hayagriva|Hayagriva, 19 March, 1970]]) ==70-04 "Regarding jobs for householders there is no confusion. If your whole time is needed for sankirtana party there is no need of working in a karmi firm. *== * Actually, all our devotees are supposed to be *brahmanas.* A *brahmana's* business is to preach the glories of the Lord, to learn the essence of Vedic knowledge—Krsna consciousness—and to teach others of the same knowledge. And for living condition, whatever they get in the form of contribution from others, they can live barely to keep body and soul together and the balance spend for Krsna." ([[letters/1970/700418_jayagovinda|Jaya Govinda, 18 April, 1970]]) *** 70-06 "I hope everything is going well with your family and with the temple and perhaps you are already in touch with the Ratha-yatra festival arrangement. Regarding disposing of your business in order to join our business fully, I am simply thinking of your wife and children. Do you think that without conducting your business there will be sufficient provision for upkeep of the family? ==We require personalities like you to join this movement whole-heartedly, but because you have got wife and children I am hesitating to ask you to close your business. *== * As a responsible head of a family you should consider this point seriously." ([[letters/1970/700629_ksirodakasayi|Ksirodakasayi, 29 June, 1970]]) ==71-01 "So far as the devotees at our Montreal center working at regular jobs during the winter months, that is not very good, but if there is no other way what can be done? If they can pull on without work, then they can chant Hare Krsna day and night inside. For a Vaisnava to work for a karmi is not very good." (SPL to Jagadisa, January 16th, 1971) 71-03 "Yes, you may get yourself married, provided that you can meet the responsibility of *grhastha* life. ==If you marry you will have to work to provide for your wife and family and try to spend at least fifty percent for Krsna consciousness. *== * *A * Krsna conscious marriage is not based on sense gratification but rather mutual cooperation between husband and wife for making advancement in spiritual life and also for raising Krsna conscious children. It is said in the * Vedas* that one should not take on the responsibility of parenthood unless he can deliver the child from the repeated cycle of birth, death, disease and old age. So in this way mold your life in service to the Lord and be happy." (SPL to Babrubahun, March 4th, 1971) ==71-07 "The book distribution policy should be like this: Cash only. All books are to be sold cash on delivery (COD). Books can be returned for exchange of other books only for a period of up to one year. Householders can sell books and get fifteen percent commission on the net income. The retail discount schedule will be as follows: 1-2 books, 33%; 3-24 books, 40%; and 100 books and over, 50% (wholesale rate)."== (SPL to Bhagavan dasa, July 7th, 1971) ==71-07 "Also it is much more important that you utilize your valuable time and energy to distribute our magazines and books. That is real propaganda work. And the householders can earn their livelihood by distributing our books also. That is one of the points of our new book distribution program and you can get more details from Karandhara or Rupdnuga."== (SPL to Sri Govinda, July 13th, 1971) 71-12 "As for your questions about householder life, first of all, who is looking after Oklahoma City temple? If you are the president then what is the use of opening center if you cannot attend all temple functions? Who is looking after temple management? If you are in charge, either you should live there or there is no need for such temple. Of course, it is not that anyone is excluded from being my disciple if they do not cent per cent attend all of temple programs, but they should be encouraged to attend as far as possible. Living outside and working are not prohibited, and it is not recommended that such strict rule as no outside living should be enforced, but living in the association of devotees is better. From our side there is never any objection if it is inconvenient for temple living, but if you are in charge of organizing your new center, I think you should live in the company of the other devotees there, to train them and work with them for distributing our books and magazines and pushing on this Krsna consciousness movement full-time. But if there is some difficulty to do this or some problem with getting money, then you should consult further with your GBC man to make adjustment. ==Preaching is our first-class engagement, including sankirtana party, selling books, speaking, like that. But if for some reason a devotee is unable to do these things, then I say that they are allowed to live outside and work as a concession.== Our service for Krsna is voluntary and can never be forced. And whatever position in life one holds he can serve Krsna in that way. But yourselves being such qualified and experienced preachers, what is the benefit of engaging in the second class activity when there is so much preaching work to be done? Practically speaking, our Krsna philosophy will save the whole world from the most dangerous condition, that is a fact. So now you just become convinced yourselves of this fact and help me spread this movement for saving the world with all conviction and attention, and in this way you will be performing the highest type of activity and very soon you will go back home, back to Godhead, know it for certain. I ====have no objection if you keep home Deities." (SPL to Vamanadeva and Indira dasi, December 8th, 1971) 72-12 "For the time being, you are having little difficulty, so I == == think you will require the regulated household life as you are suggesting. But unless the basic determination to become successful in Krsna consciousness is there, any type of occupation or any place where you are serving Krsna will similarly become a source of restlessness and troubling of your mind. Therefore, my advice to you is simply this: that you search out in yourself whether that basic determination and faith in our Krsna consciousness program is strong in you, and whether if, by going here or going there or doing this or doing that, this determination and faith will be enhanced. Sometimes Krsna may put us into some difficulty just to purify us and force us to advance in Krsna consciousness. The devotee should always see his difficulty in this light, that Krsna is so kind upon me for creating this condition of struggling, thus He is relieving me of so many billions of lifetimes of sinful reactions by this very insignificant and temporary condition of suffering something. Or if our attachment for Krsna is not yet developed, and there is still attraction for the ordinary life of householder life, together with friends, family, children, working, like that, that is all right. By that process if one contributes something of his income to the preaching work and attends himself with family at the temple for the class and *kirtana,* gradually he will get some enthusiasm and develop his attachment for Krsna. But that is the slow and troublesome way, and I == == know that you are so intelligent boy, along with your good wife Saradrya, so you may do as you like, but it would please me very much if you will dedicate yourself and your wife completely to the preaching work. That is important. Running-on of factories, family, these are ordinary businesses and anyone may do them, any ordinary man, but you are not ordinary man, that I ====know. My best advice to you is that you do not bother yourself by so many speculative thoughts and thus only aggravate the situation further. But if you are unhealthy with liver infection, that is another thing. So first of all you must get back your healthy condition. For that, living in Europe or America may be better for you, that == == I == == do not know. But in any case, remember always that you have now got this golden opportunity of human form of life, and it is not by accident that you have met your spiritual master and have become involved in Krsna's work, therefore remember these things and try to utilize your best intelligence and energy to take advantage of the situation and without any further delay take yourself to the perfectional platform of your life. The activity most recommended by Krsna and Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu for taking oneself to the perfectional stage in this Age of Kali-yuga is this *sankirtana* or preaching mission. So if you will be able to form yourself into the first-class preacher, that will be best for you and for others also. Your wife may also assist you in your important activities of spreading Krsna consciousness. She is a very nice painter and artist, and she is very sincere and serious also, so you may ==together utilize your spot-life as preachers of Krsna consciousness, that will be the better occupation. There is no harm for having children, that is no impediment for preaching endeavor. But too much attachment for children, home and work will spoil your opportunity *== * to get very quickly the mature benefit of Krsna consciousness or self-realization." ([[letters/1972/721229_vaikunthanatha|Vaikunthanatha, 29 December, 1972]]) *** 73-07 "I can understand that you wish to remain as householders living outside the temple, and that you have bought your own cottage in Argyll, Scotland. That is perfectly all right. Narottama dasa Thakura has sung that it does not matter whether one is *sannyasi* or householder, simply that one should be always in Krsna consciousness chanting the holy name. So you describe that you have set up an altar in your home and you are offering *prasada,* and this is all approved by me. One thing, however, is that living as a householder you cannot go into the streets and hold *sankirtana* and sell our books as a means of maintenance. Such *sankirtana* activity can be done with the devotees of our temple in Scotland, but cannot be done independently. ==If you wish to live separately you have to earn your livelihood by business, by taking some employment to maintain your home and family.== But not by chanting in the street; this is not a good idea for householders. For example, here at Bhaktivedanta Manor the boys and girls go out every day, including the householders who are living in householder quarters within the Manor, and they go door to door and take some collection in exchange for books, and in this way we maintain the establishment. All over the world we maintain our centers by such begging, or selling our books. But this is not allowed independent of our established ISKCON centers, so please do not do it; that is my request. As far as opening another center in Argyll, where devotees can come and live and where regular *kirtanas* may be held for guests, that prospect you can take up with Syamasundara who is GBC for Great Britain. For the present go on with your decision to live as householders apart, but concentrate on chanting and reading our books and always offering foodstuff to Krsna by prayers. Live blissfully and peacefully as husband and wife, and if you go on chanting sixteen rounds daily, Krsna, who is within our hearts, will direct you further as to best way to advance more and more in progressive Krsna consciousness. We must never forget that this present life is temporary and may end at any moment. So the purpose of our existence should be to become fully Krsna conscious and go back to home, back to Godhead at the end of this present lifetime. I will be glad to hear of your further progress." ([[letters/1973/730717_isvara|Isvara, 17 July, 1973]]) ==73-11 "You can still advance in Krsna consciousness even in the office by chanting and giving some percentage to the Mandira. Our philosophy is that all the fruits of our activity go to Krsna for His enjoyment. It does not matter what our position may be." (SPL to Sankara Pyne, November 15th, 1973) ==73-12 "Yes, if you are able to acquire some farm land and produce grains that will be nice. Especially we want to export grains to India. Do not, however, change or disrupt the existing temple program. The economic situation is always precarious but we are dependent on Krsna only." ([[letters/1973/731211_makhanlal|Makhanlal, 11 December, 1973]]) *** 74-09 "This restaurant program will not work. Do not attempt. You have to organize that new house. The restaurant is not at all advisable at the present moment. Restaurant is a very difficult thing. ==Best idea is for Subala to go to Fiji and preach. That is the business of sannyasi, not opening restaurant. Restaurant is for grhastha. Preaching is first. *== * Subala should go there and tactfully manage and get men from Australia. Mr. Punja has written that he is arranging the ticket and will give assistance. So do it nicely." ([[letters/1974/740905_vijoyadhvaja|Sudama and Subala dasa Goswamis, 5 September, 1974]]) ==75-03 "Regarding your questions, the main things is that whatever is required by you and your family to live nicely in Krsna consciousness, that much you should accept. Do not take more than what you actually need. And you should give whatever you can to the temple as donation. Nothing is compulsory. Whatever you kindly pay that will be accepted." ([[letters/1975/750314_mr._dennany|Tirihanga dasa, 14 March, 1975]]) ==75-06 "Now I have given the guideline that fifty percent of a householder's income should be donated to the temple. If there is any disagreement it may be taken up with Jayatirtha."== ([[letters/1975/750623_svarupa_damodara|SPL Mahajana dasa, 23 June, 1975]]) ==75-07 "Regarding investing in a new restaurant, it doesn't matter it may be $100,000. If there is profit there, then you can invest. I want that all of our householders be engaged in managing these restaurants."== ([[letters/1975/750729_hansadutta|Gurukrpa Swami, 29 July, 1975]]) ==76-01 "You have suggested that some men are best engaged in doing business. I agree. All grhasthas who are interested in doing business should do so in full swing: *== * *yat karosi yad asnasi, yaj juhosi dadasi yat, yat tapasyasi kaunteya, tat kurusva mad-arpanam. * Let this be the guiding principle. So let all the * grhasthas * who wish to, execute business full fledgedly in the USA and in this way support * gurukula. * Business must be done by the * grhasthas, * not by the * sannyasis * or * brahmacaris. * Neither the * sannyasis * or * brahmacaris * can be expected to support * gurukula. * The parents must take responsibility for their children, otherwise they should not have children. It is the duty of the individual parents. I am not in favor of taxing the temples. The parents must pay for the maintenance of their children. Neither can the BBT be expected to give any loans. Now the BBT fifty percent for construction is pledged to the projects in India—Bombay, Kuruksetra, Mayapur. The profits from the businesses should first go to support * gurukula * and balance may be given for the local temple's maintenance. * Grhasthas * can do business. It is best if the temple presidents are either * sannyasis * or * brahmacaris.* If the *grhasthas* want to do book distribution, they should be given a commission of five to ten percent of which part must go to *gurukula.* For any others who are engaged in important Society projects, they must get something for maintaining their children at *gurukula.* So far as *prasadam* and residence, they are already getting that free. But sometimes, *grhasthas* make their own arrangement for cooking. For that we can give no expenditure. Just try to improve the *prasadam* system so nicely that one will not want any other arrangement. Another thing, is that the *grhasthas* may be encouraged to do agriculture. In the Indian villages like in Vrndavana, they get enough ghee for their personal use, and sufficient excess to be sold to the merchants, who then also get some money. Cow protection means good food and good trade. So I can give you suggestions how to manage everything, but it is up to the GBC to practically execute all these points." ([[letters/1976/760122_jayatirtha|Jayatirtha, 22 January, 1976]]) ==76-04 "The proposed farm project in northern California is approved by me. Such projects as well as constructing temples, protecting cows, gathering milk, then making ghee, then opening Hare Krsna Restaurants are all good programs for grhasthas."== ([[letters/1976/760402_v.g.k._dipple|Citsukhananda dasa, 2 April, 1976]]) ==76-09 "The householders who cannot sell books should be encouraged to work honestly on this restaurant project."== ([[letters/1976/760908_david_b._richeter_hughes|Ramesvara dasa, 8 September, 1976]]) ==77-02 "The tendency you report of the householders living at the expense of others in our Society, is not good. One way to earn money is by selling books, they can be given a salary or commission. But if you say that they do not want to do that, yes, they should do some honest work. As an overall problem, this can be discussed by the entire GBC at Mayapur."== ([[letters/1977/770201_harikesa|Harikesa Swami, 1 February, 1977]]) ==77-04 "Yes, if our householders cannot distribute books, then let them live in the farm communities. They can produce thread for cloth, spinning, and other such activities. But they must do something, not sit idly, for an idle brain is the devil's workshop."== ([[letters/1977/770412_nityananda|Nityananda dasa, 12 April, 1977]]) ## Grhastha and Sadhana 69-03 "I thank you very much for your letter dated February 21st, 1969, along with the Deity dress. It has come to me late on account of changing places so quickly and the statement given by you in the matter of worshiping the Deity is super excellent. Please continue this system and Krsna will bestow upon you all blessings. If one attains perfection in Deity worship, that is called *arcana-siddhi.* ==Arcana-siddhi means simply by Deity worship one goes back to Godhead immediately after this life. So this arcana-siddhi program is given in the Narada-pan-caratra especially for the householders. *== * Householders cannot undergo strict disciplinary activities of austerity, therefore for every householder the path of *arcana-siddhi* is very much recommended. According to Vedic system, all householders are ordered to keep the Deity at home and follow strictly the worshiping process. That makes the home pure, body pure, mind pure and quickly promotes one to the pure platform of spiritual life. The temple is also especially meant for the householders. In India, in every town, in every village, there are Visnu temples for the convenience of the surrounding householders. So I am pleased that you are ideal householder. And you are doing very nicely combined together husband and wife. Please do it as you are doing and gradually Krsna will give you all facility." ([[letters/1969/690318_himavati|Himavati, 18 March, 1969]]) ==70-04 "Yes, when you are out of your station you can carry these Deities, but so long you are in Hamburg you will have very little time to arrange separately for worship. When a householder is not in touch with the temple, then he can have separate worship at home."== ([[letters/1970/700418_jayagovinda|Jaya Govinda, 18 April, 1970]]) *** 71-07 "I am so glad to note that you are strictly following the regulative principles of devotional life and regularly chanting sixteen rounds of beads daily. Continue faithfully, because such chanting of Hare Krsna *mantra* is our very strength in spiritual life and will keep you always in touch with Krsna. And soon you will be getting yourself married with Batu Gopala Prabhu, so it is your duty as his wife to help him advance in Krsna consciousness in every respect. So if you will keep yourself twenty-four hours engaged in Krsna’s service, then surely he will follow suit. ==Make Krsna the very center of your household life and work cooperatively to serve Him to the very best of your capacity. Then you will be happy and your lives will know perfection."== (SPL to Sukhasagari devi dasi, July 8th, 1971) 72-01 "Regarding householders living in the temple; In India no woman is allowed to stay in the temple at night. But for our preaching work I have permitted women to stay in the temple. But, in the temple, husband and wife should live separately. There are many young *brahmacaris* and *sannyasis* in the temple and men and women living together is simply a source of agitation, so therefore this is my order: ==ideally the husband and wife can live separately in the temple and if this is not possible they should live together close to the temple and attend temple arati etc..== ..and if this is not possible the last alternative is to live away from the temple and conduct your own Deity worship etc.... It is best to do the most ideal thing but whatever mode of living you choose the most important thing is to always remain one hundred percent in service of Radha-Krsna." (SPL to Ravindra Svarupa, January 25th, 1972) ==72-07== "So far Dayananda, I have no objection if the *grhasthas* live outside and earn money, but I do not want them to leave. ==The strict temple== procedure is only for those who live in the temple. Grhasthas should live outside, and they cannot follow strictly everything, but why they should give up altogether their devotional procedures?== So many big stalwart devotees are leaving, why is this? Advaita, Uddhava, Krsnadasa, and now our Dayananda and Nandarani. I have sent them each one letter, so if you find them, you may deliver them my letters. This is not at all good if our big devotees fall down so easily and go away. Try to save them." ([[letters/1972/720714_karandhara|Karandhara, 14 July, 1972]]) ==72-08== "We are never alone in Krsna consciousness; you have got so many wonderful brothers and sisters who are really your family, and besides that the spiritual master is always in his instructions, and Krsna is there within your heart, so you need not feel you are ever alone. Make Krsna your husband and always think of Him, raise your child up very nicely, chant without fail sixteen rounds of Hare Krsna *mantra* daily, ==read Srimad-Bhagavatam at least one hour daily, and in this way without any doubt you will very soon become very happy, and your life will be sublime." ([[letters/1972/720811_gangadevi|SPL== *to Gangadevi, 11 August, 1972]]) *** 72-09 "Householder life is also the perfect platform for rendering devotional service to Krsna. Any station of life, whether you are unmarried, married, or in any occupation of life, you can achieve the highest goal by adopting and practicing the principles of devotional service. You are married and your husband is striving to become a devotee of Krsna, so you become his devotee, that is the position of husband and wife, that the husband will become a great devotee of Krsna by his wife's assistance, and the wife will take benefit and advance in spiritual life by serving her husband. ==You are anxious about the rules and regulations, but without rules and regulations there is more frustration. So it may be a little difficult at first, but if you are sincere to achieve the highest result of your lifetime, then you can be assured that by your efforts in Krsna consciousness that you will very quickly become happy more and more.== The difficulties of this material world will shrink to no more than the size of a hoof-print left by the calf. Actually there is no difference between devotees living inside the temple and devotees living outside the temple. You are right that the important thing is to remember Krsna, whatever is your activity. So try to remember Krsna always by following the principles as you know them, namely, rising early, taking bath, cleansing, attending *arati,* reading scriptures at least one hour or two hours daily, chanting sixteen rounds on beads of Hare Krsna *mantra,* going for street *sankirtana,* offering all your foodstuffs to Krsna, like that. In this way very quickly you will make progress in Krsna consciousness and become very, very happy in your life." (Susan Beckman, 20 September, 1972) *** 73-01 "Please accept my blessings. I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 7th January 1973, and have noted the contents with great care. Thank you very much for the information enclosed. There is no difference between *brahmacari, grhastha, vanaprastha,* and *sannyasi.* ==Simply grhastha means that he lives outside the temple with wife, that is the only difference. Otherwise, grhastha must follow the same regulative principles and remain fully engaged in the temple activities.== There in London we have such big field for pushing on the preaching work, so I want that you should assist the other devotees there as much as possible and cooperate very closely for helping me in this way. These temples, they are just like oasis in the desert for the conditioned souls to quench the thirst of their desire for real happiness. So they must be organized as nicely as possible, and I know you have many talents which can be put to good use. So in cooperation with Dhananjaya and Syamasundara Prabhu, let us work together. You may assist me in this way and I shall be very much pleased upon you. Krsna says in the *Bhagavad-gita* that anyone who surrenders unto Me, whether a woman, *sudra, vaisya,* etc., they all attain the highest perfection of *bhakti-yoga,* not that now I am *grhastha,* I am doing *karma-yoga,* or now I am *vanaprastha,* I am doing *sankhya-yoga,* this is all nonsense. So if you read my books, this is explained in so many places, that by taking to the path of pure *bhakti* all the other yogas are achieved automatically because *bhakti* is the culmination of yoga and the highest perfection of life. Yet at the same time it is very simple and sublime. So I do not see what is the difficulty. So as I am your spiritual master, it is my obligation to answer any questions that you may have. So please send the tape and I shall reply." (SPL to Ksirodakasayi, January 29th, 1973) ==73-11 "You can still advance in Krsna consciousness even in the office by chanting and giving some percentage to the Mandira. Our philosophy is that all the fruits of our activity go to Krsna for His enjoyment. It does not matter what our position may be." (SPL to Sankara Pyne, November 15th, 1973) ==74-05 "Regarding the grhasthas houses, we have given these houses with the purpose that they should execute devotional service exactly like the brahmacaris and sannyasis. Otherwise, why purchase== houses near the temple?== The whole idea is to live near the temple and take advantage of the temple program, which means morning *arati,* classes, *sankirtana* and all services connected with the temple. They are also members of the temple." ([[letters/1974/740505_jayatirthaa|Jayatirtha, 5 May, 1974]]) ==74-05 "As for the grhasthas worshiping Gaura Nitai Deities, that is only for those who live far away from the temple and cannot attend. Otherwise such worship is redundant. There is already Deity worship going on in the temple and they should attend the aratis, not install their own Deities. The householding community in Los Angeles or any of our temples, is not meant to be independent from the temple program."== ([[letters/1974/740501_jayatirtha|Jayatirtha, 1 May, 1974]]) *** 74-05 "Concerning how to induce the grhasthas to take part in Krsna consciousness activities rather than in activities of maya, it is very simple: they should attend the temple program rigidly. Morning *arati,* classes, *sankirtana.* We have given houses with the purpose to execute devotional service exactly like the *brahmacaris* and *sannyasis.* Otherwise why purchase houses near the temple? The whole idea is to live near the temple and take advantage of the temple program.... The householding community in Los Angeles or any of our temples is not meant to be independent from the temple program.... I know you have multifarious and complicated affairs to manage in our Los Angeles center, and I know you are doing your best there. Just pray to Krsna to give you the intelligence how to manage it all. The most important thing is that we must be ideal Krsna conscious persons, and then we can attract others. This means chanting, reading my books, going on *sankirtana,* following the regulative principles and worshiping the Deity. Whoever takes part in these things, no matter what he has done of sinful activities before, will automatically advance in spiritual realization. This is the simple process, and if we follow it, we will become ideal. Otherwise, they will become victims of women and wealth." ([[letters/1974/740501_jayatirtha|Jayatirtha, 1 May, 1974]]) ==74-06 "It is pleasing to me to hear you are happily engaged in devotional service and living as an ideal grhastha. Please go on as you are doing; keep your business separate and wherever you remain keep your family in Krsna consciousness always chanting Hare Krsna and observing the regulative principles. Cultivate your business for Krsna, remain happy in Krsna consciousness and always serve Krsna."== ([[letters/1974/740609_krsna_dasa|Krsna dasa, 9 June, 1974]]) ## Grhastha and Preaching 67-08 "I am glad to know that you are comfortable in Boston and that you are engaging your energy there in making nice Krsna *prasada.* I am also pleased to know that Himavati is definitely going to have a baby. It is a very wonderful thing and surely Krsna will bless your home with His presence as both you and your wife are His sincere servants. The best preparation for the coming of the baby is just for the parents to remain perfectly Krsna conscious and of course the best means for that is by chanting the holy name and listening to the *Bhagavad-gita* and *Srimad-Bhagavatam.* I very much appreciate that you enjoy helping to open various centers, and that is certainly laudable on your part. You must fully consider however, your wife and child; your first duty now as a householder is to provide nicely for your wife and child. [TEXT MISSING] Lord to give up fighting; rather he was encouraged in his occupation but at the same time, he was to do it for Krsna. That is the secret of Krsna consciousness— ==not that we all have to become preachers but that we all dedicate our lives or our consciousness (no matter in what capacity) to Lord Krsna.== If things can be worked out nicely within the temple that's all right. But family life requires a certain amount of privacy and convenience, which may not always be available. I am simply concerned that you be happy and contented, so you can prosecute the most important thing, Krsna consciousness, without being disturbed. Rupanuga and Damodara are both doing nicely in this regard and I wish the same for you." (SPL to Hamsaduta, August, 1967) ==69-01 *"== In London, the six couples who are working very hard there have been very much appreciated by the people of London, and their character, and devotion are attracting sincere people to our movement. I want similarly thousands of couples for my disciples to propagate our movement throughout the world." ([[letters/1969/690126_gaurasundara|Govinda dasi, 26 January, 1969]]) *** 69-01 "The boys and girls in London are doing very nicely. My Guru Maharaja sent one *sannyasi,* Swami Bon Maharaja, to preach Krsna consciousness in London, sometime in 1933. Although he tried for three years and at the expense of my Guru Maharaja, he could not do any appreciable work. So Guru Maharaja, being disgusted, called him back. In comparison to that situation, our six young boys and girls are neither very much advanced in their study of *Vedanta* nor any other Vedic literature, neither are they *sannyasis.* But still they are doing more tangible work than what Bon Maharaja could do there thirty-five years ago. ==This very fact confirms the statement of Lord Caitanya that a preacher or teacher may be a householder, a sannyasi, a brahmana, a sudra or anyone, provided he knows the science of Krsna. *== * And to know the science of Krsna means to serve Krsna under the direction of a bona fide spiritual master. When we serve Krsna in this way, Krsna is pleased to reveal Himself. So we should follow strictly the Vedic principle that anyone who has unflinching faith in Krsna and the spiritual master, to him only the science of Krsna consciousness becomes revealed. Then when we are fully conversant in revelation of Krsna consciousness, we can meet any opposing elements and come out victorious." ([[letters/1969/690131_hayagriva|Hayagriva, 31 January, 1969]]) *** 69-03 "I am very glad to learn that Mukunda has invited you to go to London and if there is possibility you should go immediately, both of you and join them. ==The six boys and girls, husbands and wives, are preaching Krsna consciousness movement in London so nicely, that in the London Times there was a news heading like: Krsna Chant Startles London.== These boys and girls are also initiated for the last two years only—they are not very great scholars in theological studies, but still by the grace of Krsna they have created some impression in a city like London simply by their sincere effort. My spiritual master used to send preachers who were all in the renounced order of life (sannyasis) but I am doing a completely different process—namely, preparing some young couples of husband and wife to take up this job. This is approved by Lord Caitanya. He said that it does not matter whether the preacher is in the renounced order of life or a family man, or a *brahmana* or a *sudra* —nothing is hampering in the process of preaching Krsna consciousness. The only qualification required is that one should know the genesis of Krsna consciousness and then he is just the fit person to preach this great philosophy. I understand both you and your wife are very intelligent boy and girl and I hope if you sincerely wish to serve Krsna, He will give you intelligence how you can nicely serve Him. I am here at Hawaii in the care of Gaurasundara and his wife, Govinda dasi; they are also doing very nicely. Similarly, another couple of disciples, Satsvarupa and Jadurani in Boston are also doing very nicely. Similarly, in Buffalo Rupanuga and his wife and their small child are doing very nicely. Similarly, in New Vrndavana Hayagriva and his wife Syama dasi are doing very nicely. So it is a part of my missionary work; I want to see that the Western boys and girls who are very much loose with their sex life should get themselves married and take to Krsna consciousness seriously and they will be happy both materially and spiritually. So if you go to London to join Mukunda and his company you will be very much pleased to see how husband and wife combined together can so nicely preach this Krsna consciousness movement. Please take up this philosophy very seriously and you will be happy in this life and next life." ([[letters/1969/690308_raj_dewan|Isana and Bibhavati, 8 March, 1969]]) *** 69-03 "I thank you very much for your letter of March 5th and you can take it from me that I give you clear sanction to get yourself married to Kancanbala dasi, at the earliest possible date. From her side, her mother has agreed, and from your side I have agreed. So Kancanbala is an ideal girl, Krsna conscious, and ==I want that some ideal families of Krsna consciousness should be established in your country, so that people can see that our movement is not one sided or dry. So we do not want dry renouncers. *== * Krsna Himself married so many wives as a *ksatriya.* Caitanya Mahaprabhu although He was to take *sannyasa* at the age of twenty-four years, still He married twice within twenty years. Lord Nityananda Prabhu also married. Advaita Prabhu and Srivasa Prabhu were also householders. So to become married is no impediment for advancement in Krsna consciousness. One should be vigilant only that he is not diverting from Krsna consciousness. One has to follow the footprints of the great *acaryas* then everything is all right. I was also a married man—my family is still existing. So you should always remember that marriage is not impediment. The greatest enemy is forgetfulness of Krsna. There are many impersonalists and voidists—they renounced this material world very early in their life, just like Sankaracarya. He took *sannyasa* at the age of eight years. Lord Buddha left home just in the beginning of His youth. But we are not concerned with them. So I hope by this time, by serving this Krsna consciousness movement for the last two years you must have gotten some taste of the nectarean. Now you must be fixed up and execute your specified duty as ordered by me, and then I am sure there will be no difficulty. But you should always remember that wife is not a machine for sense gratification. Wife is your half body for nourishing your Krsna conscious status. So you are getting a wife who is already trained up in Krsna consciousness and if you live carefully and faithfully there will be no difficulty. That is the verdict of all *acaryas.* I think this will simplify your agitated mind. Hope you are well and also Kancanbala, and happily executing Krsna consciousness." ([[letters/1969/690310_madhusudana|Madhusudana, 10 March, 1969]]) ==69-03 "You are a very nice girl and just suitable for working together with Hayagriva on the Srimad-Bhagavatam. This very much encourages me. I want such grhastha couples in this movement to set examples for others to follow."== ([[letters/1969/690324_brahmananda|Syama dasi, 24 March, 1969]]) *** 69-07 "So far as Trivikrama is concerned, he is a super first-class *brahmacari.* His service attitude, his submission is very nice although he is still a new member. The thing is that he had the association of Rupanuga who is an ideal householder devotee. I am feeling very much proud personally because my so many householder devotees are preaching Krsna consciousness so nicely. Caitanya Mahaprabhu did not make any distinction between so-called *brahmacari,* householder or *sannyasi.* He specifically stressed that these designations are superficial, pertaining to bodies. Krsna consciousness is the function of the soul *jivatma.* In the *Vedas* it is said that the spirit soul is without any touch of material contamination, but when he forgets Krsna he thinks himself as a material product. That is called *maya.* But in any position, if one can understand the science of Krsna consciousness, he can deliver many, many fallen souls. ==So it is my request to you all that you establish an exemplary character and show how householders can be the first-class transcendentalists. When I feel that my householder disciples are preaching so nicely I actually feel very much proud."== ([[letters/1969/690728_mukunda|Mukunda, 28 July, 1969]]) *** 69-11 "It is very encouraging that from the very beginning of your center you are successfully executing your entrusted duties. Krsna will be very much pleased upon you and your wife, Krsna Bhamini. ==In our society we want to see some ideal householders as you are, so that preaching may go on with great speed. *== * From the very beginning of this movement the associates of Lord Caitanya were all householders. All four of the principal associates: namely, Advaita Prabhu, Nityananda Prabhu, Srivasa Prabhu, Gadadhara Prabhu, and even Lord Caitanya Himself—they were all householders. So we are not impersonalists or voidists. Our program is to enter into the association of Krsna. But we cannot enter within this association without being completely disinfected from the contamination of material sinful life. It is confirmed in the *Bhagavad-gita* by Lord Krsna Himself that only those who are absolutely cleansed of all dirty sins can be engaged in Krsna consciousness in full swing. In other words, those who are fully in Krsna consciousness can be free from material contamination and thus enter into the association of Krsna. There will be no botheration for you of family life, provided it is carried on in full Krsna consciousness. Follow this idea and you will be happy. The Western world needs this help, so try to do this welfare work for the human society." ([[letters/1969/691109_bhagavan|Bhagavan dasa, 9 November, 1969]]) *** 69-12 "So I am very glad that you both, husband and wife, are executing the mission of Lord Caitanya so nicely and faithfully. Please continue to act like that and certainly Lord Caitanya will bestow all His blessings and power upon you. Personally I am so much engladdened that the pairs of young boys and girls whom I have placed in householder life are doing so nicely in the Western world. When Lord Caitanya delivered Jagai and Madhai He was also a householder, but when Jagai and Madhai were actually reclaimed, His wife, Visnupriya, was not there. But in this case and in many other cases also, I find that my disciples combined together, husband and wife, are doing this preaching work so nicely. So ==I am especially proud how my householder disciples are preaching Lord Caitanya's mission. This is a new thing in the history of the sankirtana movement.== In India all the *acaryas* and their descendants later on acted only from the man's side. Their wives were at home because that is the system from old times that women are not required to go out. But in *Bhagavad-gita* we find that women are also equally competent like the men in the matter of Krsna consciousness movement. Please therefore carry on these missionary activities, and prove it by practical example that there is no bar for anyone in the matter of preaching work for Krsna consciousness." (SPL to Himavati, December 20th, 1969) 70-01 "I am so glad to learn that you are going to be married with Citsukhananda on Sunday, January 11th at the Radha-Krsna temple. ==I like this marriage ceremony because it has given practical proof of my ideas that boys and girls of this country better be married and engaged in preaching work. *== * By the grace of Krsna, our centers managed by the married couples like Boston, Hawaii, Detroit, New Vrndavana, St. Louis and Buffalo, etc, are doing very well. Similarly, when you are married, as it was discussed in Los Angeles, you also go somewhere, probably in Mexico as you desire, and organize a center there and start an edition of *Back to Godhead* in Spanish language. Our *Back to Godhead* in French language and German language are improving sales and people are appreciating. So why not in Spanish language, which you know well and I think Citsukhananda also knows well. So this is very good news. I was, since a long time, thinking of your marriage. Now Krsna has given you this opportunity. Utilize it properly and be happy. I am glad to learn that Hamsaduta is going to officiate the ministerial function at the marriage and I think he has got the tape of all the *mantras* in this connection. So be married, chant Hare Krsna and be happy. This is what I want." ([[letters/1970/700109_candravali|Candravali, 9 January, 1970]]) *** 70-01 "Please accept my humble *dandabat.* I thank you very much for your encouraging letter dated 11 January, 1970, from Gauhati. It is very much pleasing that you are preaching the message of Lord Caitanya throughout Northern India beginning from Lahore to Gauhati. Similarly, I am also trying my best to execute this service in my humble capacity as far as possible. You will be pleased to know that very recently we are going to send some preachers to Australia. We have got already our center in Tokyo and I am sending two devotees, one from Tokyo and another from here, Los Angeles, to Sydney (Australia). I hope you will kindly bestow your blessings for successful execution of this new adventure. Srila Prabhupāda sent His disciples for preaching work mostly as *brahmacaris* and *sannyasis;* but ==I have adopted the method of sending young married couples for such preaching work, and you will be pleased to know that this system in these countries has proved more effective. *== * I am very much pleased to know that sometimes you enjoy the writing in my magazine, *Back to Godhead,* and I am sure you are getting these regularly every month. Both your Calcutta and Vrndavana addresses are on the complimentary list. I understand also that Mr. and Mrs. B. K. Dirle, who came to your Calcutta Matha to meet you took interest in our magazines, and if you send me their address we shall be pleased to send them complimentary copies. I am so much obliged to you that all of our God-brothers are happy to learn about my activities in the West. Actually, whatever is happening it is due to His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupāda because personally I am completely incapable." (SPL to Madhava Maharaja, January 21st, 1970) 70-07 "Please accept my blessings for yourself and your good wife, Mrganetridevi dasi. I am in due receipt of your letter dated 13th July, 1970, and I am so glad to know that you are now happily married by Subala at a nice ceremony in Philadelphia. You were for some time feeling agitation and now Krsna has blessed you with a very nice, qualified wife who is an enthusiastic devotee as well. ==Please, both of you husband and wife work now conjointly in full Krsna consciousness for spreading Lord Caitanya's message. *== * You are very intelligent boy, good devotee and good preacher with good experience also. Your wife and you are a good match, so take up this work of spreading Krsna consciousness very seriously and make both your lives sublime and Krsna will certainly give you all intelligence how to advance in His service. Please take advantage of this opportunity and utilize your lives for the transcendental loving service of the Lord and be happy chanting Hare Krsna *mantra,* dancing, distributing *prasadam* and literatures, and preaching Krsna consciousness as your life and soul." (SPL to Damodara, July 19, 1970) 70-11 "Your plan of the Buffalo temple is very nice. Please develop it more and more for serving the Lord. It is a very good house. The picture in which your wife and child are engaged in preaching work—it is simply wonderful. You are ideal householder and you are teaching the world how to live with wife and children as a householder. ==My Guru Maharaja generally used to make a sannyasi from householder, but I have created householders for preaching work and your example is proving my attempt successful."== ([[letters/1970/701113_rupanuga|Rupanuga, 13 November, 1970]]) *** 71-02 "You write to say that you are too much absorbed in temporal thoughts of sex life. If that is the case, then perhaps you should get yourself married. In Krsna consciousness we do not artificially repress any desires, but that everything can be used in Krsnas service is our philosophy. ==My Guru Maharaja made sannyasis to go out and preach this movement and I am making householder couples and they are doing so nicely to spread Lord Caitanya Mahdprabhu's message. *== * So if you are so inclined and you can find a suitable girl, then you have my permission to get yourself married." (SPL to Minaketana, February 24th, 1971) ==71-07 "There are many grhasthas who are earning and spending for a particular center. Similarly you can also open a center, live separately as president and maintain the temple nicely. But if you don’t do anything and simply remain grhastha, then what is the use of criticizing others? The whole movement is meant for rendering service." (SPL to Umapati, July 9th, 1971) 72-12 "For the time being, you are having little difficulty, so I think you will require the regulated household life as you are suggesting. But unless the basic determination to become successful in Krsna consciousness is there, any type of occupation or any place where you are serving Krsna will similarly become a source of restlessness and troubling of your mind. Therefore, my advice to you is simply this: that you search out in yourself whether that basic determination and faith in our Krsna consciousness program is strong in you, and whether if, by going here or going there or doing this or doing that, this determination and faith will be enhanced. Sometimes Krsna may put us into some difficulty just to purify us and force us to advance in Krsna consciousness. The devotee should always see his difficulty in this light, that Krsna is so kind upon me for creating this condition of struggling, thus He is relieving me of so many billions of lifetimes of sinful reactions by this very insignificant and temporary condition of suffering something. Or if our attachment for Krsna is not yet developed, and there is still attraction for the ordinary life of householder life, together with friends, family, children, working, like that, that is all right, by that process if one contributes something of his income to the preaching work and attends himself with family at the temple for the class and *kirtana,* gradually he will get some enthusiasm and develop his attachment for Krsna. But that is the slow and troublesome way, and I know that you are so intelligent boy, along with your good wife Saradiya, so you may do as you like, but ==it would please me very much if you will dedicate yourself and your wife completely to the preaching work. That is important. *== * Running-on of factories, family, these are ordinary businesses and anyone may do them, any ordinary man, but you are not ordinary man, that I know. My best advice to you is that you do not bother yourself by so many speculative thoughts and thus only aggravate the situation further. But if you are unhealthy with liver infection, that is another thing. So first of all you must get back your healthy condition. For that, living in Europe or America may be better for you, that I do not know. But in any case, remember always that you have now got this golden opportunity of human form of life, and it is not by accident that you have met your spiritual master and have become involved in Krsna's work, therefore remember these things and try to utilize your best intelligence and energy to take advantage of the situation and without any further delay take yourself to the perfectional platform of your life. The activity most recommended by Krsna and Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu for taking oneself to the perfectional stage in this Age of Kali-yuga is this *sankirtana* or preaching mission. So if you will be able to form yourself into the first-class preacher, that will be best for you and for others also. Your wife may also assist you in your important activities of spreading Krsna consciousness. She is a very nice painter and artist, and she is very sincere and serious also, so you may together utilize your spot-life as preachers of Krsna consciousness, that will be the better occupation. There is no harm for having children, that is no impediment for preaching endeavor. But too much attachment for children, home and work, will spoil your opportunity to get very quickly the mature benefit of Krsna consciousness or self-realization." ([[letters/1972/721229_vaikunthanatha|Vaikunthanatha, 29 December, 1972]]) *** 74-11 "There is no hindrance of your being a householder so far as distributing books are concerned. ==Lord Caitanya Mahdprabhu had many householder disciples who would preach Krsna consciousness. *== * I understand recently in Toronto the entire temple distributed many *Isopanisads* and other books. So you can engage yourself in spare time in this book distribution without any hindrance. Side by side you can also paint pictures for Krsna. In this way fully engage yourself in Krsna's service. That is what I want. Nothing else." ([[letters/1974/741122_nrhari|Krsnakatha dasa, 22 November, 1974]]) ==75-01 "Of course, our occupational duty is as preachers of Krsna consciousness. So we must stick to that business under all circumstances, that is the main thing. Therefore married, unmarried, divorced, whatever condition of life, my preaching mission does not depend on these things. *== * The *varnasrama-dharma* system is scientifically arranged by Krsna to provide facility for delivering the fallen souls back to home, back to Godhead. And if we make a mockery of this system by whimsically disrupting the order, that we must consider. That will not be a very good example if so many young boys and girls so casually become married and then go away from each other, and the wife is little unhappy, the husband is neglecting her in so many ways, like that. If we set this example, then how the thing will go on properly? Householder life means wife, children, home, these things are understood by everyone, why our devotees have taken it as something different? They simply have some sex-desire, get themselves married, and when the matter does not fulfill their expectations, immediately there is separation—these things are just like material activities, prostitution. The wife is left without husband, and sometimes there is child to be raised, in so many ways the proposition that you, and some others also, are making becomes distasteful. We cannot expect that our temples will become places of shelter for so many widows and rejected wives, that will be a great burden and we shall become the laughing stock in the society. There will be unwanted progeny also. And there will be illicit sex-life, that we are seeing already. And being the weaker sex, women require to have a husband who is strong in Krsna consciousness, so that they may take advantage and make progress by sticking tightly to his feet. If their husband goes away from them, what will they do? So many instances are already there in our Society, so many frustrated girls and boys." (SPL to Madhukara, January 4th, 1975) ## Vanaprastha and Sannyasa Vanaprastha and sannyāsa 67-10 "I can understand your anxiety about your husband and rest assured that I shall never advise your husband to leave you. Both of you are very good souls and constantly engaged in the service of the Lord. ==One who has got a helpful wife at home does not require to accept sannyasa. If required, both you and your husband can preach Krsna consciousness combinedly. *== * We are concerned more for Krsna consciousness and if that work is executed more nicely by cooperation of husband and wife, there is no necessity of thinking wife as impediment to Krsna consciousness. While I am living you should act according to my instructions and there is no question of impediment." (SPL to Krsna devi, October, 1967) ==67-10 "Even if you accept vanaprastha there is no restriction for keeping one's wife in company. Only a sannyasi cannot have any connection with women."== ([[letters/1967/671008_subalaa|Subala, 8 October, 1967]]) ==69-11 "I am very glad that Kancanbala is performing the regulative principles and worshiping and helping you to become an ideal Vaisnava householder. Regarding sannyasa, yes, according to Vedic principles, as a married man, you must give your wife at least one boy child. And when he is grown up, after you are fifty years of age, you can take sannyasa. The grown up boy may take care of your old wife. That is the Vedic system."== (SPL to Madhusudana, November 23rd, 1969) ==71-08 "So if you are afraid of your husband's taking sannyasa, I shall not give him sannyasa order at any time. Be rest assured. *== * Your husband is already a householder *sannyasi* because he has no other business than to serve Krsna. You can be living peacefully with husband and children and always engaged in Krsna consciousness. One should become *sannyasa* by action, not by dress. In *Bhagavad-gita* it is said that any person who doesn't work for himself but for Krsna only is a perfect *sannyasa* and perfect yogi, never mind what order he lives in. That is the opinion of Lord Caitanya also." (SPL to Indira, August 15th, 1971) ==71-09 "Vanaprastha asrama can be taken even in the presence of the wife. Not that because your wife has left you have to take vanaprastha. That depends on your choice. In one sense if your wife has== actually left you it is a blessing. Better to prepare yourself for sannyasa rather than vanaprastha." (SPL to Sivananda, September 2nd, 1971) ==72-07 "If you have taken a wife for grhastha life, why are you neglecting? That is not Vaisnava. Vaisnava means he is very much responsible, and if he is householder, then he must be responsible. I cannot give sannyasa to any devotee who has not proven himself to be responsible in all respects. Better you prove yourself first by being ideal householder and forget all this nonsense."== ([[letters/1972/720716_mahatma|Mahatma, 16 July, 1972]]) *** 72-12 "Visnupriya, wife of Lord Caitanya, was young woman of sixteen years old when her husband took *sannyasa,* leaving her without any children, but she always remembered Him, so in that way she was always serving Him and she was never separated from Him. ==Regarding your husband taking sannyasa, you should not worry as we shall see to the matter later, not now, and I promise you he will certainly fulfill his family obligations in Krsna consciousness."== ([[letters/1972/721213_candravali|Candravali, 13 December, 1972]]) *** 72-12 "I note that you are requesting to take the *sannyasa* order of life. But if you have got wife, that will be difficult. If someone devotee has got wife, that will not become a very popular policy to grant so easily *sannyasa.* And if your wife wants many children, that is the only purpose for getting married to wife, to have facility for sex-life, otherwise what is the use for taking so much botheration of married life? So now you are married man, that decision you have made. That is great responsibility, and that should not become so light matter that anyone may think, 'Oh!, let me get married and if I don't like my wife, or there is anything difficulty, I will write Prabhupāda for taking *sannyasa,* finished. Never mind wife, let her go to hell.' That is not very nice proposal. Married life is serious business. If you have taken wife, you must be completely responsible for her throughout your life. She shall always serve and obey you without fail, and you shall instruct her in Krsna consciousness and act as her spiritual master. Otherwise, without husband, women have great difficulty to make spiritual advancement. So if we have to develop a perfect society of scientific arrangement for making spiritual progress, then so many women will be there, so what shall they do? They have also come to Krsna, we cannot reject them. Therefore I have advised my students to get themselves married. I was householder, my Guru Maharaja was life-long *hrahmacari.* But we are doing the same work of preaching Krsna consciousness, so what is the difference, *grhastha* and *brahmacari?* Actual *sannyasa* means that he has given everything to Krsna, so practically you are already *sannyasa.* But if you have got wife, and if she is very desirous to raise children, she will not be very happy if you go away. That is not our business, to create havoc, no. ==If wife is very strong, she will appreciate if you take sannyasa, but if there is question at all, that should be avoided. *== * Just like I never liked my wife, but I knew it was my duty to stick until my sons were grown-up, then I left. But if you give your wife one child, then she will be happy and she will have some life-long occupation, that you must consider. But at least you can wait until I come there next time, then we shall see further." ([[letters/1972/721217_danavir|Danavir, 17 December, 1972]]) *** 73-01 =="You may be pleased to know that your husband has now taken sannyasa order of life for preaching the message of Lord Caitanya. *== * Similarly you have gone alone to Hyderabad for pushing on the preaching work and I am very glad to hear that you have arrived safely. Regarding the two girls from America, I have no objection to them coming to assist you if they agree. It would be good service for all of them, especially Kalindi has suffered some difficulty since her husband has taken *sannyasa.* But I know that you are very strong in Krsna consciousness. So very strictly now maintain our principles by chanting sixteen rounds on the beads, reading our books, working in every second of your life for serving Krsna. This sincere attitude will make you more and more advanced and one day Krsna will reveal Himself to you face to face." (SPL to Palika devi, January 28th, 1973) 74-05 "Regarding your wanting to give up household life for *vanaprastha* you may do it and spend your time positively by going on traveling *sankirtana,* provided it is recommended by the temple president and there is facility for taking such a party. ==Taking of sannyasa order is in one sense only a formality. I was preaching and writing for eight or nine years as vanaprastha and then in 1959 I took sannyasa. So if after a few years as vanaprastha your behavior is ideal sannyasa can be considered. *== * If you actually are serious about taking out a travelling party your main activity should be to distribute books. By this most powerful preaching we are becoming very influential in your country and people are seriously reading the books and considering the importance of Krsna consciousness. It does not require that you be *sannyasi* to take a travelling *sankirtana* party, nor do you have to be *vanaprastha* for that matter. There are travelling parties led by all orders of life going out in your country. Lord Caitanya taught that we do not very much care whether one is *sannyasa, grhastha* or whatever, so long he is fully serving Krsna. So do not act independently, but if there is facility, you can stay out and distribute books and travel with the *sankirtana* party, as you already have experience." ([[letters/1974/740501_jayatirtha|Mahatma dasa, 1 May, 1974]]) *** 74-12 "As stated in your letter now you are retired from your job and your daughters are getting married. This means that your *grhastha* life is almost finished. Therefore, according to *varnasrama dharma* you should spend the rest of your life simply engaged in the devotional service of the Lord. It has been the ancient custom that ==the man in the later years of his life, usually after the age of fifty, prepares to leave home and takes the order of vanaprastha, taking pilgrimages to different holy lands.== Then eventually he may take *sannyasa,* the renounced order of life, with no connection with family whatsoever. This is actually necessary as it is recommended by Sri Krsna Himself. So you have asked my advice and I think the best thing is for you to either go to our Vrndavana center or our Mayapur center or our Bombay center and live there for the rest of your life, chanting Hare Krsna, feeling the bliss of being fully engaged in the service of Sri Krsna. By association of devotees and eating Krsna *prasadam,* constantly engaged in the service of the Lord you will become purified from all unwanted things and it will be very easy for you to absorb yourself in thoughts of the Supreme Lord only Then when it comes time to leave your body at the end of life you will go to Krsna. You will not have to take another birth in this material world but you will go to the spiritual world, the Vaikuntha world. I was also *grhastha* but now I am *sannyasi.* As *grhastha* I was thinking it would be very difficult to leave my householder life and take up preaching full time. But actually it has become very easy by the grace of Sri Krsna. Now there are no difficulties. So I recommend that you also take up this life. Now that your household duties are more or less finished I think this is your best alternative. All great previous personalities such as Arjuna and the Pandava brothers, Maharaja Rsabhadeva, King Bharata, so many great kings and great saintly persons all finished the last part of their lives living as mendicants, *sannyasis.* Therefore following in the footsteps of the authorities we should understand the Supreme Lord Sri Krsna. If there are any difficulties concerning my request to you to leave your home then if you like you can write me for further advice and it will be my duty to serve you in this way." ([[letters/1974/741223_kisora|Sri Srinivasan, 23 December, 1974]]) *** 75-01 "So I == == have introduced this marriage system in your Western countries because there is custom of freely intermingling male and female. Therefore marriage is required just to engage the boys and girls in devotional service, never mind distinction of living status. But our marriage system is little different than in your country, we do not sanction the policy of divorce. We are supposed to take husband or wife as eternal companion or assistant in Krsna consciousness service, and there is promise never to separate. Of course if there is any instance of very advanced disciples, married couple, and they have agreed that the husband shall now take *sannyasa* or renounced order of life, being mutually very happy by that arrangement, then there is ground for such separation. == But even in those cases there is no question of separation, the husband, even he is sannyasa, he must be certain his wife will be taken care of nicely and protected in his absence. Now so many cases are there of un-happiness by the wife who has been abandoned by her husband against her wishes. * == * So how can I == == sanction such thing? I == == want to avoid setting any bad example for future generations, therefore I == == am so much cautiously considering your request. But if it becomes so easy for me to get married and then leave my wife, under excuse of married life being an impediment to my own spiritual progress, that will not be very good at all. That is misunderstanding of what is advancement in spiritual life. Occupational duty must be there, either this one or that one, but once I == == am engaged in something occupational duty, then I == == should not change that or give it up, that is the worst mistake. Devotional service is not bound up by such designations. Therefore once == == I == == have chosen, it is better to stick in that way and develop my devotional attitude into full-blown love of Godhead. That is Arjunas understanding." (SPL to Madhukara, January 4, 1975) 75-07 "I == == therefore suggested in my last letter that now you are in ripe old age, so you can accept *vanaprastha* life which is your duty as you are born in a *brahmana* family. According to our Vedic principle == a brahmana is supposed to accept the four daramas, namely brahmacari, grhastha, vanaprastha, and sannyasa. Others do not accept sannyasa, but a person who is a brahmana must accept sannyasa at the end of his life. == So I == == would suggest that you now retire from family life and accept at least *vanaprastha* order of life keeping your wife with you as assistant and fully engaged in translating the Vedic literature as far as possible." ([[letters/1975/750726_dinanatha_n._mishra|Dinanatha, 26 July, 1975]]) *** 75-07 "Regarding your wanting to leave your family and take *sannyasa,* what is your family? You live aside from your wife, and you have no children, so you are already *sannyasa.* Anyway we can consider later on. First we have to push this movement. That is most important thing. *Grhastha* or *sannyasa* it doesn't matter. First we have to know the science of Krsna consciousness. ==Caitanya Mahaprabhu never said everyone had to take sannyasa. We should just be after becoming the pure servant of Krsna"== ([[letters/1975/750729_hansadutta|Hamsaduta dasa, 29 July, 1975]]) *** 75-08 "Learned scholars like you are now needed to represent the cause of Krsna consciousness because without this consciousness the human society is doomed. So I require the help of respectable, learned scholars like you for spreading this movement more and more. According to the Vedic system this body is perishable and the ultimate form of this body is to become ash, stool, or earth. Therefore it is advised by the great *pandita* Canakya that the body should be sacrificed for a better cause. That is the idea inherent everywhere, especially in India. Everyone is advised to achieve the result of pious activities by engaging this body for such purposes. That is the greatest gain. ==According to the Vedic varnasrama it is compulsory that one retire from his family life and engage this body for Krsna's service at the end of his life. *== * As it is stated in the *Srimad-Bhagavatam:* tat sadhu manye 'sura-varya dehinam sada samudvigna-dhiyam asad-grahat hitvatma-patam grham andha-kupam vanam gato yad dharim asrayeta I hope you will try to understand my point of view and join this movement to make it more appreciable by the people in general all over the world." ([[letters/1975/750807_dr._y.g._naik|Dr. Naik, 7 August, 1975]]) ==75-09 "What you have done is good. Why should you re-marry? Rather you should take sannyasa. Now you are getting very good training. Why has Jayatirtha suggested you re-marry? *== * In Delhi there is a certain kind of *laddu* which has such a taste, that anyone who has tasted it once, he laments, O how I would like to taste again. And anyone who has never tasted, he also laments, O I have never tasted. So one who has tasted and one who has not tasted, both are lamenting. Wife is like that. You have already tasted, now you are lamenting. But my advice to you is not to try to taste again, otherwise your lamentation will increase. You have got no children, so you are free, so take *sannyasa.* Sex life is nasty, but out of illusion we think it is nice. Now you are experienced so don't take sex life again. You should not take *sannyasa* out of sentiment nor artificially, but it is better to accept it anyway." ([[letters/1975/750901_jayananda|Jayananda dasa, 1 September, 1975]]) ==75-09 "You have married for a year and a half but do not have any desire for children. Then why did you marry? That is my question. If you do not want children, then why did you marry? You should not take sannyasa."== ([[letters/1975/750903_nalinikanta|Nalinikanta dasa, 3 September, 1975]]) ==75-11 "Regarding taking sannyasa, this mentality that either I will have sex life or I will take sannyasa, this is not proper. Sannyasa means that one is finished with material life. So you have gotten married and you are in family life. So you should remain there. So you thought that by getting married you would expand your service. So you should do that. Actually all my disciples are sannyasis because they have surrendered everything in the service of Krsna."== ([[letters/1975/751121_dr._w.h._wolf-rottkay|Nalinikanta dasa, 21 November, 1975]]) ==76-10 "It is the Vedic system that after fifty years of life one has to take to vanaprastha, then take to sannyasa."== ([[letters/1976/761001_dr._dave|Dr. Dave, 1 October, 1976]]) ## Disagreement, Separation and Divorce 67-09 "I am in due receipt of your short note regarding your marriage. So far I know that you are married with Subala dasa before me and as such you forget all your previous life. You are now liberated from all other obligations because you have surrendered yourself unto Krsna. Such surrender has no more obligations to anyone. So far Subala is concerned he is also a surrendered soul and thus your combination is quite apt for the service of the Lord. You have, by the grace of Krsna, got a very nice place to develop a full fledged temple and your husband is becoming competent to conduct the service nicely. I have already given him instructions how to do things and that is published in the New Mexican paper. Please do follow the instructions both husband and wife, and help your Godbrothers and sisters to follow the instructions faithfully. Krsna is always with you provided you are sincere in His service and faithful to your spiritual master, that is the secret success. It is plain and simple, please try to be faithful and sincere. You are very intelligent and devotee of the Lord. Please know it that ==I do not approve anyone's separation who are married== by me. If they disagree, they may live separately, but there cannot be divorce. When one is separate, one may fully devote to Krsna, but no more marriage. *==* If that is not followed, I will not take part in anyone's marriage in the future. I hope you will understand me right and do the needful. Hope you are well." (SPL to Krsna devi, September, 1967) *** 67-09 "You have a problem before you in respect to living separate from your wife. If your wife keeps herself peaceful living separately from you, I think you can arrange for the time being like that, but ==in my opinion this business of separation may not be developed into a case of divorce. *== * So far Eric is concerned, he is developing Krsna consciousness from very childhood and it is a great opportunity on a human being. I think his father has got a special duty to protect this child in his Krsna consciousness. The mother also has a similar responsibility, so either your wife or yourself must take care of the good child. If your wife takes charge of him, then you become completely free personally, and you can live in the temple with the other *brahmacaris,* either in New York or elsewhere as you think best. If however, your wife leaves the child with you, then you can take care of him; that will be nice. But I think it is very difficult, because he is not sufficiently grown up. Anyway, both your wife and yourself cannot think of marrying again; that is not my advice. Even if your wife decides to marry again, for your part you should forget it; and if by the grace of Krsna you can live peacefully without any wife, completely devoted to Krsna consciousness that will be the best part of your life. You can love and put all your affection to the child, and try to make him fully Krsna conscious." ([[letters/1967/670909_rupanuga|Rupanuga, 9 September, 1967]]) *** 67-10 "Regarding your personal question in the matter of relationship with your husband, your relationship with your husband is all right. You must be faithful and devoted to your husband, Dayananda. The Vedic system advised women to become very chaste and accept the husband as master. Your husband is especially good because he is progressing in Krsna consciousness. I am very glad that you two are a very good combination and your devotion for your husband and your husbands love for you are considered great achievements so I have also advised Krsna devi for her husband, Subala. I feel very happy when I see my spiritual boys and girls, especially those who have been married by my personal presence are very happy in their conjugal relationship. ==Even if there is some misunderstanding between husband and wife that should be completely neglected and you should always remain rigid in the service of Krsna, *== * as you have written to say, it is pleasing to be in the service of Krsna. Discharge of Krsna consciousness is our primary objective and all other relationships should be faithful to this principle. Follow this principle." ([[letters/1967/671008_nandarani|Nandarani, 8 October, 1967]]) *** 68-06 "In my opinion, if the boys and girls get themselves married just like ideal Vaisnava householders that is very good. But if by the grace of Krsna both the boys and the girls can live separately, that is still better but is not possible. If it is possible to divert the attention for Krsna's service it is quite possible to remain single even for the whole life. So you have now got good engagement so remain engaged in that work and train the *brahmacarinis* also, chant Hare Krsna and pull on your sewing machine. There is no need of separation. Live together and train up your mind, that is all. ==Artificial separation is never recommended. And when you see, living together, you have no desire for sense gratification, then that is the highest stage of perfection. *== * Voluntary restraint is *tapasya,* austerity, and this is possible with advancement of Krsna consciousness. Artificial separation is foolishness. We recommend voluntary restraint, not artificial separation. So you should understand that there is no objection to live together as husband and wife. The tendency is there; it is natural. But if one can check it, that is very good. But it is not compulsory. And not to be checked artificially, but with advancement of strength in Krsna consciousness." ([[letters/1968/680614_himavati|Himavati, 14 June, 1968]]) *** 69-01 "Regarding your thoughts of separating from your husband, I do not think this is a very good plan. You should always live with your husband and help him with his personal comforts, and he will look after all your necessities of life. There is no question of separation. By mutual agreement and advancement of Krsna consciousness you can stop sex life, but there is no question of separation. Separation is artificial. As Hamsaduta advances in Krsna consciousness then by his company you will also profit. So the husband and wife are mutually beneficial. This idea of separation was developed also in Govinda dasi, but I have sent her back to her husband, and she is now following my instructions. ==There is no question of separation between husband and wife until the time when the husband takes sannyasa. At that time the wife cannot remain with the husband. *== * Even in *vanaprastha* stage, or retired life, the wife remains with the husband, but without any sex relations." ([[letters/1969/690124_himavati|Himavati, 24 January, 1969]]) *** 69-07 "I am very pleased to note that you will be getting married to Jagadisa, and try to serve him by helping him develop in Krsna consciousness throughout both of your lives. Married life in Krsna consciousness is the perfection of married life because the basic principle is that the wife will help the husband so that he may pursue Krsna consciousness, and similarly the husband will help the wife to advance in Krsna consciousness. So in this way both the husband and wife become happy and their lives are sublime. In Krsna consciousness marriages ==there is no question of any separation or divorce. Any disagreement between husband and wife is not taken very seriously, as much as a disagreement between children is not taken seriously. *== * This is because the basic principle of married life in Krsna consciousness is not whimsical lusts, but it is the eternal principle of rendering devotional service to Krsna. So I am enclosing instructions for Rupanuga to perform this marriage ceremony, and both yourself and Jagadisa have my full blessings for long and happy life in Krsna consciousness. I hope this will meet you in good health." ([[letters/1969/690710_laksmimoni|Laksmimoni, 10 July, 1969]]) *** 69-11 "So attend *sankirtana* party very regularly. *Kirtana* is our life and soul, and the press is part of *kirtana.* So both of you, husband and wife, always remember this and try to execute both these ways of activities. I understand that Saradiya has come back to Boston, leaving Vaikuntha-natha. This is nice. One thing you should know—of course, I know that you are so nice that there is no possibility amongst you for disagreement between husband and wife, but sometimes it happens—so you can let Saradiya know that ==in our Krsna consciousness household life there is no question of separation. Our marriage is absolute. But if sometimes some disagreement is there, they may live separately for a few days, but that does not mean they can think of separation. *== * Please try to educate all the girls in that way. In December I shall be there in Boston and it shall be my great pleasure to see you all together." ([[letters/1969/691115_balai|Balai, 15 November, 1969]]) *** 69-12 =="I== know she is a very nice girl, so if you agree to marry her, then you must treat her very nicely so that you can live very peacefully. Our marriages are never meant for separation. You must live together very peacefully in all circumstances."== (SPL to Aniruddha, December 7th, 1969) 69-12 "One thing you should know of course, I know that you are so nice that there is no possibility amongst you for disagreement between husband and wife but sometimes it happens—so you can let Saradiya know that in our Krsna consciousness household life ==there is no question of== separation. Our marriage is Absolute. But if sometimes some disagreement is there, they may live separately for a few days, but that does not mean they can think of separation. *==* Please try to educate all the girls in that way. In December I shall be there in Boston, and it shall be my great pleasure to see you all together." (SPL to Balai, November 15th, 1969) ==70-11 "I think that if you feel too much inconvenience just now by remaining in Boston with Satsvarupa, then you may go to some other center for sometime with the art department and carry on your work there. Sometimes such separation for a time is beneficial for husband and wife both, but there is never any question of divorce."== (SPL to Jadurani, November 16th, 1970) 71-01 "Please accept my blessings. I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated December 22nd, 1970, and I am sorry to learn that although you are so sober you have been disturbed by your married life. Married life does not mean that there is no disagreement between husband and wife—that is a custom from time immemorial. According to Vedic system, disagreement or quarrel between husband and wife should never be taken very seriously. ==The Vedic system therefore gives a concession for the wife to separate from her husband for some time and go to her father's house. *== * So Cintamani may come to me for some time, but you cannot deviate from your responsibility in Japan. If so desired Kartikeya Maharaja and Bruce can go immediately to help you, so arrange for their passage and I shall send them back. I think Bruce has got his return ticket." (SPL to Sudama, January 1st, 1971) 71-08 "This marriage is serious business and not to be taken lightly. There is no question of separation in Krsna consciousness marriages. Therefore ==I am asking all those who want to be married that they sign one paper promising that there will be no separation. *== * Karandhara Prabhu can be consulted in this connection and he should draw up such document in the manner Rupanuga has done in N.Y. Then if you are feeling able to handle the responsibility of *grhastha* life, you can go ahead with the ceremony immediately and with my blessings." ([[letters/1971/710808_madhukantha|SPL Madhukantha, 8 August, 1971]]) *** 71-08 "In spite of all your faults you will go to Vaikuntha because you are a great devotee. Don't create some abnormal condition. Please go back to your husband and live peacefully and execute Krsna consciousness together. He will also not take *sannyasa* order out of frustration. You are an intelligent girl and an advanced student. You should know that our main business is Krsna consciousness. So ==fighting between husband and wife is not to be taken very seriously. So if you have any respect for me, I request you not to quarrel with your husband. Live peacefully, *== * chant Hare Krsna and try to serve the cause as best as possible. I am very glad that your mother is also taking interest in Krsna consciousness. That is very good. So as you have to leave Boston very soon it is better that you go immediately to N.Y. and live peacefully with your husband. That is my order. ==I== hope you will not disobey me." (SPL to Ekayani, August 31st, 1971) 71-09 "So far your getting yourself married is concerned, I have no objection if it meets with Karandhara's approval. It appears that Lilasakti is a very good preacher, so help each other to become better and better preachers of this Krsna consciousness movement. Don't fall astray. ==Separation is absolutely forbidden at any time. Always think of Krsna and be happy."== ([[letters/1971/710925_madhucara|Madhucara, 25 September, 1971]]) ==71-10 "I am very glad to see that Candravali and your son have returned to you again. It is very good. Husband and wife, there may be some disagreement but it should not be taken at any time very seriously. So combinedly together, go on with your preaching work." (SPL to Citsukhananda, October 12th, 1971) 72-12 "Please accept my blessings. I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated November 30th, 1972, wherein ==I am so shocked to hear from you that you have left your good wife for some time to have sex-life with another girl, who is also a devotee, and that she is now pregnant with your child. That is most disturbing to me.== But I know that all big leaders are falling victim to sex-life. So let her live in New York and you live in Paris with your wife, what can be done? But you should not ever see or correspond in any way with her again. That will be the worst example. If you are leader, how you can do these things? If someone will have her, she may get herself married and be happy in Krsna consciousness—I do not want that she shall go away from shame. But you must have nothing more to do with her. Just like [name withheld] has done. He was like the sifter, full of holes, and he was finding fault only in others: Oh, just see that needle, he has got a hole. Now he has made one girl pregnant and they were found out, so he has left me as my personal servant. That is the common practice: full of holes, yet they are accusing others, Oh!, he has got one hole! Our business is to raise ourselves to the highest status of life as preachers of Krsna's message, and one should behave himself rigidly, then he should instruct others. Two things: Be himself exemplary, then teach others to be exemplary. If one has not come to that high standard, he cannot judge or criticize others. There is one saying from Bible: 'Judge not, lest ye be judged.' So how we can preach unless we are able to make judgements? That will not be possible. Only those who are above suspicion can judge others. One must himself act in such a way that he is always above suspicion. Then he can judge, then he can preach. But now you have no power to instruct. One who is not following himself, how he can instruct others? If you are repentent, that's all right. You have got your wife, so if you are sexually inclined therefore you should always be with your wife. You are repenting, so Krsna will excuse you. But never do this again. Rather you should stop sex-life altogether, make this your austerity. Do not eat nicely, chant always sixteen rounds, and pray to Krsna to excuse you for your great offense. You are one of the senior devotees, therefore if you behave like that then the whole Society will be at risk. By their nature, gestures, dress, women are lusty—that is their habit. In the *Srimad-Bhagavatam* it is stated that when a woman comes to serve you, you must be very careful, especially for *sannyasis* and *brahmacaries." (SPL to (name withheld), December 17th, 1972) 72-02 "I am in due receipt of your letters dated January 14 and January 24, 1972, and your telegram requesting marriage. I have no objection, and you have my blessings. Actually, most of my best managers are *grhasthas,* because they have a natural propensity to manage, so if you have got that also, and if you think together you and your wife can open a very nice center there in Djakarta and serve Krsna together nicely, and if your other Godbrothers are recommending, then why not marry that girl. ==But one thing is that you shall have to be from now on fully responsible for protecting her and giving her Krsna consciousness, and there shall never be any separation, that is our condition. So if you are willing to follow this condition, I have no objection."== ([[letters/1972/720215_amogha|Amogha, 15 February, 1972]]) *** 72-02 "You say that your wife is an emotional sentimentalist, and that this is causing you some anxiety. But you have taken her as your wife, and by our Vedic standards you are responsible for her spiritual advancement, so you must make the attempt to assist her in becoming Krsna conscious very seriously, that is your responsibility. If, however, after much trying and serious attempts you are still unable to help her, then leave her aside. One should be interested in his individual self, one should not be interested with others if they hinder his service unduly. But you have married her, and there is no question of separation. You may live from time to time separately, but at least you must try very hard to help her perfect her spiritual life." (SPL to Mohanananda, February 27th, 1972) 73-04 =="According to Canakya Pandita one who has no mother and the wife is not obedient, such a home is as good as living in the desert*.== " ([[letters/1973/730427_girirajaa|Mukunda dasa, 27 April, 1973]]) *** 73-07 =="We do not allow divorce, but in your country it is a common thing. Although we do not like it, according to the country, what can be done? There is a Sanskrit saying, "Do according to the country's laws.' If both the present husband and wife agree to divorce, then they can do it and re-marry, what can be done."== (SPL, unidentified) 73-10 =="Regarding your separating from Nandarani, nothing should be done artificially. Nandarani is not different from you. She also seeks Krsna consciousness. Your household life is not repugnant; it is favorable. Do not separate artificially. When everyone is engaged in Krsna's service there is no question of maya. I have got good estimation about Nandarani."== ([[letters/1973/731016_madhudvisa|Dayananda dasa, 16 October, 1973]]) ==73-12 "Your husband has gone away so what can be done. But you should return to our temple and again take up devotional service as I have designed and directed at our centers."== ([[letters/1973/731213_beharilal|Govinda dasi, 13 December, 1973]]) *** 74-05 "You write that you are becoming very involved in Krsna consciousness but your wife is not very interested and ==you want to know from me whether you should leave her. It is not necessary to leave your wife.== The important thing is that you yourself become Krsna conscious, she cannot check you one way or another, but you must yourself surrender to Krsna and be engaged in devotional service. We do not say that one has to leave home. Either you leave home or remain there, and whether or not she becomes Krsna conscious, you go on with your progressive interest and participation in this great movement. By and by if you are strong in your determination, she may also follow you. If you have further questions you may write me or consult with the devotees in the temple. Actually I have already answered all questions in my books such as *Bhagavad-gita* so kindly read them and chant Hare Krsna *mantra.* " ([[letters/1974/740306_cyavana|Brian Fleming, 6 March, 1974]]) ==74-09 "So I am glad to learn that you are with your wife and doing very nicely. Combine together and do everything well together. Raise your children in Krsna consciousness and be an ideal household couple. Your wife is a good devotee, that I know. But one thing, do not pick up any childish quarrels together, live peacefully and go on with your Krsna conscious business. You deserve all good encouragement for the work you are doing there*." (Citsukhananda dasa, 13 September, 1974) *** 75-01 "Of course, our occupational duty is as preachers of Krsna consciousness. So we must stick to that business under all circumstances, that is the main thing. Therefore married, unmarried, divorced, whatever condition of life, my preaching mission does not depend on these things. The *varnasrama-dharma* system is scientifically arranged by Krsna to provide facility for delivering the fallen souls back to home, back to Godhead. And if we make a mockery of this system by whimsically disrupting the order, that we must consider. That will not be a very good example if so many young boys and girls so casually become married and then go away from each other, and the wife is little unhappy, the husband is neglecting her in so many ways, like that. If we set this example, then how the thing will go on properly? Householder life means wife, children, home, these things are understood by everyone, why our devotees have taken it as something different? They simply have some sex-desire, get themselves married, and when the matter does not fulfill their expectations, immediately there is separation—these things are just like material activities, prostitution. The wife is left without husband, and sometimes there is child to be raised, in so many ways the proposition that you, and some others also, are making becomes distasteful. ==We cannot expect that our temples will become places of shelter for so many widows and rejected wives, that will be a great burden and we shall become the laughing stock in the society.== There will be unwanted progeny also. And there will be illicit sex-life, that we are seeing already. And being the weaker sex, women require to have a husband who is strong in Krsna consciousness, so that they may take advantage and make progress by sticking tightly to his feet. If their husband goes away from them, what will they do? So many instances are already there in our Society, so many frustrated girls and boys. So I have introduced this marriage system in your Western countries because there is custom of freely intermingling male and female. Therefore marriage is required just to engage the boys and girls in devotional service, never mind distinction of living status. ==But our marriage system is little different than in your country, we do not sanction the policy of divorce.== We are supposed to take husband or wife as eternal companion or assistant in Krsna consciousness service, and there is promise never to separate. Of course if there is any instance of very advanced disciples, married couple, and they have agreed that the husband shall now take *sannyasa* or renounced order of life, being mutually very happy by that arrangement, then there is ground for such separation. But even in those cases there is no question of separation, the husband, even he is *sannyasa* , he must be certain his wife will be taken care of nicely and protected in his absence. Now so many cases are there of unhappiness by the wife who has been abandoned by her husband against her wishes. So how can I sanction such thing? I want to avoid setting any bad example for future generations, therefore I am so much cautiously considering your request. But if it becomes so easy for me to get married and then leave my wife, under excuse of married life being an impediment to my own spiritual progress, that will not be very good at all. That is misunderstanding of what is advancement in spiritual life. Occupational duty must be there, either this one or that one, but once I am engaged in something occupational duty, then I should not change that or give it up, that is the worst mistake. Devotional service is not bound up by such designations. Therefore once I have chosen, it is better to stick in that way and develop my devotional attitude into full-blown love of Godhead. That is Arjuna’s understanding." (SPL to Madhukara, January 4th, 1975) ## Re-marriage ==67-09 "If your wife keeps herself peaceful living separately from you, I think you can arrange for the time being like that, but in my opinion, this business of separation may not be developed into a case of divorce.. Anyway, both your wife and yourself cannot think of marrying again; that is not my advice*.== " ([[letters/1967/670909_jadurani|SPL Rupanuga, 9 September, 1967]]) *** 67-09 "I am in due receipt of your short note regarding your marriage. So far I know that you are married with Subala dasa before me and as such you forget all your previous life. You are now liberated from all other obligations because you have surrendered yourself unto Krsna. Such surrender has no more obligations to anyone. So far Subala is concerned he is also a surrendered soul and thus your combination is quite apt for the service of the Lord. You have, by the grace of Krsna, got a very nice place to develop a full fledged temple and your husband is becoming competent to conduct the service nicely. I have already given him instructions how to do things and that is published in the New Mexican paper. Please do follow the instructions both husband and wife, and help your God- brothers and sisters to follow the instructions faithfully. Krsna is always with you provided you are sincere in His service and faithful to your spiritual master, that is the secret success. It is plain and simple, please try to be faithful and sincere. You are intelligent and devotee of the Lord. Please know it that ==I do not approve anyone's separation who are married by me. If they disagree they may live separately, but there cannot be divorce. When one is separate, one may fully devote to Krsna, but no more marriage.== If this is not followed, I will not take part in anyone's marriage in the future. I hope you will understand me right and do the needful Hope you are well." (SPL to Krsna devi, September, 1967) *** 68-01 "Regarding Krsna devi, you have been misinformed by Krsna devi. I have never given permission for a new husband. Rather, I asked her to come back and immediately join her husband, Subala. Subala might have informed her that if she loves Krsna at all, then she may live peacefully with her new husband, but let her conduct the Santa Fe center, and that will be proof of her love for Krsna. I have directly asked her to come and join her husband. If she doesn't come, Subala has decided not to accept any other wife, but to remain in Krsna consciousness alone for the rest of his life. ==Krsna devi is in the strong clutches of maya and she wants to have a new husband under any price. I have never allowed her in that way. But if she served Krsna's cause, I will not disallow her, because that is our main business.== My point is that she must conduct that center, not that I have encouraged her to accept this boy. If she wants to keep this new friend, and keep up the Santa Fe center, I welcome it, but not that I am encouraging her to have a new husband." ([[letters/1968/680123_brahmananda|Brahmananda, 23 January, 1968]]) *** 68-10 "I think also that Gargamuni also should be supplied with another bride. Because *karmis* without association of women, cannot work. So as he is going to be a *karmi* —not exactly *karmi* , *karma-yogi* , so if he likes, he can marry again. But he cannot be a very strict husband, otherwise the same thing will happen. Because in America, the girls are not so trained that they will be very much obedient ==. So you think over, but if he likes, he can marry again.== " (SPL to Brahmananda, October 16th, 1968) 68-12 "From your letter I can understand that you are anxious to become householder and this is very good. We require so many householders to set example to others how in Krsna consciousness we can live peacefully and sanely, even in married life. Also, we require so many Krsna conscious children to show how nicely and beautifully a child can develop when he is following the principles of God consciousness. So your decision is very good, but at the moment we have many girls and either too young or they are engaged or they are too old. There are a few nice girls who are available, specifically Tulasi devi and Anuradha devi but ==both of them also have little babies and Tulasi devi is, I think, a little older than you are. So if you like we may ask these girls if they are just now desirous of marrying.== Or else you may wait for an eligible girl who I am not thinking of, or who will show up soon, so as soon as she shows up we shall make arrangements in this regard." (SPL to Nandakisora, December 11th, 1968) 69-06 "Regarding the suggestion that you re-marry, I have never suggested such thing, so you need not trouble yourself with this. As I have told you in Los Angeles, ==I wish that the mothers who have no husband at present should not re-marry, but should dedicate their time to seeing that their children are brought up very nicely in Krsna consciousness.== Your boy, Birbhadra has just arrived here and he will be taken care of by Kīrtanānanda Maharaja. Satyabhama dasi is in charge of educating the children in New Vmdavana and she is very qualified to do this because she is educated and works very nicely with the children. So there is no difficulty at present in this regards, and as you are so nicely engaged in your activities in Los Angeles, you should continue as you are now doing. Your description of the course you are giving to the interested girls about the role they play in Krsna consciousness is very nice, and I am pleased that you have begun this project. Actually the role of all conditioned souls is the same: to chant Hare Krsna, tell others to chant, perfect our lives in Krsna consciousness, and to go back to Godhead when this body is finished. Now if you can induce all the women of Los Angeles to place an altar in their homes and help their husbands have peaceful, happy home life in Krsna consciousness, that will be very great service for you. The actual system is that the husband is spiritual master to his wife, but if the wife can bring her husband into practicing this process then it is all right that the husband accepts wife as spiritual master. Caitanya Mahaprabhu has said that anyone who knows the science of Krsna, that person should be accepted as spiritual master, regardless of any material so- called qualifications; such as rich or poor, man or woman, or Brahmin or *sudra* . So if you can show the women of the community how to help their husbands and children to perfect their home life, and all aspects of life in Krsna consciousness by chanting, *arati* ceremonies and eating Krsna *prasada* , then you will improve the conditions of the neighboring communities to an incalculable extent. So try for this as far as possible. I already have practical experience that many of the American boys and girls are very intelligent and qualified to take up this sublime movement. We simply have to instruct them nicely and surely many will understand that here is such a nice thing and they must take to it. So I am very pleased with the nice efforts you are making. I hope this will meet you in good health *.* " ([[letters/1969/690614_silavati|Silavati, 14 June, 1969]]) ==71-04 "Jambavati should try to avoid any more marriage. Once she has been forlorn by her husband and who knows that a second husband might do the same? Let her forget her marriage and be fixed up in the service of the Lord. Simply she should concentrate her mind on the lotus feet of Krsna and she will be happy."== (SPL to Krsnakanti, April 11th, 1971) 71-11 "Regarding Prayag devi dasi, yes, a woman requires protection. But ==normally we regard that any unmarried woman with children should take security of the temple== —that is more secure than the protection of Krsna—and be satisfied with her children. Marriage is simply a license for having sex, so we are not very fond of sanctioning unnecessary sense gratification. ==However in this case, if you think the match is favorable for their advancing nicely in Krsna consciousness, then I shall agree with your judgement.== One thing is, there should be a formal contract signed by both parties at each marriage, vowing that there will be no separation and that man and wife will work cooperatively in Krsna consciousness." (SPL to Sridhama dasa, November 17th, 1971) 72-07 "Regarding your question, what is the position of the women in Krsna consciousness movement, we are not responsible for marriages. If you want to get married at your own risk, that is all right, you can get married by the state service and the husband must take full responsibility for living outside the temple and earning money for supporting wife and children. ==If you have a child and you are not married, still, having child is the same as being married, so there is no more marriage. Marriage is not for sense gratification,== not that we get married twice, thrice in a year. No, if you have got a child there is no need for more marriages. But if you cannot stay in Krsna consciousness unless you have got a husband, that is all right, but the responsibility is not ours for your maintenance or other things, so if you want to get married both you and your husband must make your own arrangements*." ([[letters/1972/720719_navina|Novina, 19 July, 1972]]) ==74-11 "Regarding Miami that you want to replace Abhirama, yes a capable man must be there, what can be done. But I have already written that he can marry that girl and divorce his wife*." ([[letters/1974/741107_sriji|Rupanuga dasa, 7 November, 1974]]) ==75-08 "Regarding re-marriage, no, re-marriage should be always discouraged. Re-marriage means encouraging sense gratification. Our mission is to curtail sense gratification. Three times marrying in a year, this is not good, and they are doing this."== ([[letters/1975/750821_rupanuga|Rupanuga dasa, 21 August, 1975]]) ==75-09 "What you have done is good. Why should you re-marry? Rather you should take sannyasa. Now you are getting very good training. Why has Jayatirtha suggested you re-marry?== In Delhi there is a certain kind of laddu which has such a taste, that anyone who has tasted it once, he laments, Oh! how I would like to taste again. And anyone who has never tasted, he also laments, Oh! I have never tasted. So one who has tasted and one who has not tasted, both are lamenting. Wife is like that. You have already tasted, now you are lamenting. But my advice to you is not to try to taste again, otherwise your lamentation will increase. You have got no children, so you are free, so take *sannyasa* . Sex life is nasty, but out of illusion we think it is nice. Now you are experienced so don't take sex life again. You should not take *sannyasa* out of sentiment nor artificially, but it is better to accept it anyway." ([[letters/1975/750901_jayananda|Jayananda dasa, 1 September, 1975]]) ==75-09 "I never said there should be no more marriage. By all means legally you can get married. How can I object?== They misunderstand me. Unless it is there from me in writing, there are so many things that 'Prabhupāda said.' I have no objection to marriage, but to bless it by fire sacrifice, that I am thinking that if they don't stay together, then it is not good. But if they can remain together for one year, then there can be fire sacrifice. But changing three times in a month husband and wife, that is not good." ([[letters/1975/750902_omkara|Omkara dasi, 2 September, 1975]]) *** 75-09 "Regarding the question of second marriage, it cannot be done. Neither the law will allow it and neither we can encourage it. If they want to marry more than one wife, they must live outside our temples in their own arrangements. We have no objection if he does it, but it must be done outside the temple. It cannot be done inside the temple jurisdiction. Outside he can work, earn money, and if he wants he can maintain 16,000 wives. But he must go outside the Society. Within the Society only one marriage can be allowed. I thought these boys and girls will be married and be happy. But, I see that they are not satisfied. In the Western countries they are trained up in a different way. Jumping from one to another. Another wife, another husband. This is the disease all over the world. Simply by agreement, then cancelled, then another agreement. Everyone wants more than one wife, that is human nature. This means their mind is not being diverted to Krsna. Because they are not Madan-Mohan, they are *madana dahan* , they are in the Cupid's fire. You want them to have more wives under GBC supervision. You will supply the maintenance? What is this nonsense? They must go outside the Society to do it. And, the sort of marriage where they are not satisfied cannot be allowed. ==Nor can women with child, strictly she cannot marry again.== " ([[letters/1975/750907_balavanta|Bhagavan dasa, 7 September, 1975]]) ==76-07 "It is not advisable to marry again as this may disturb your former husband who is now engaged in preaching activities. So rather you can come here to New York where your service will be appreciated and there is very nice association with so many nice girls*." ([[letters/1976/760719_anangamanjari|Ananga-manjari, 19 July, 1976]]) ==76-09 "There are three enemies. One of them is the mother with child who marries again. The child should be raised in Krsna consciousness movement where both of you will advance in developing love of God*." ([[letters/1976/760906_manager_central_bank_of_india|Vidyabadhu devi dasi, 6 September, 1976]]) ==76-12 "Why the wife should be disturbed if she is living not in the association of her husband? When Caitanya Mahaprabhu went to East Bengal for preaching, His first wife was alone. Wife's duty is not to disturb the husband. That is Vedic principle. The marriage relationship is not for sex. Of course, that is the way in this age. So, such wife may marry for the second time, what can be done? Vedic marriage is not for sex*." ([[letters/1976/761220_rupanuga|Tamala Krsna Maharaja, 20 December, 1976]]) ## Polygamy ==68-10 "I think also that Gargamuni should be supplied with another bride. Because karmis without association of women cannot work. So as he is going to be a karmi, not exactly karmi, karma-yogi, so if he likes, he can marry again. But he cannot be a very strict husband, otherwise the same thing will happen. Because in America, the girls are not so trained that they will be very much obedient. So you think over, but if he likes, he can marry again."== ([[letters/1968/681016_brahmananda|Brahmananda, 16 October, 1968]]) *** 69-01 "From the Vedic point of view a man can have more than one wife provided he can maintain each of them very nicely. The practical example is our Lord Krsna. He had 16,108 wives but for each wife he maintained a palace with servants and everything. We do not encourage more than one wife, but provided the man is highly responsible and conscientious and the woman agrees then we have no objection. ==The thing is how you will maintain two wives? You cannot give up one and take another. We cannot be responsible. You will have to manage everything and if there is any legal implication then we cannot be responsible. The temple cannot pay for you to have two wives so it must be arranged for outside."== ([[letters/1973/731206_locanananda|Locanananda, 6 December, 1973]]) *** 73-01 "According to our Vedic process, polygamy is allowed. For example, Krsna married 16,000 wives, Arjuna married three or four wives, Krsna's father Vasudeva, married sixteen or eighteen wives, like that. So according to the Vedic system polygamy is not prohibited. But it is not a farce also. Every wife must be provided for sufficiently. Krsna married 16,000 wives, but each wife was provided a palace and He was personally present at each palace. It does not mean to marry many wives and maintain none of them. If anyone is able to keep more than one wife and give them all comforts of life, there is no objection for having more than one wife. But if he creates trouble by marrying, he should not marry even one wife, this is my judgement. Now you can do the needful, taking into consideration the circumstances of the laws of your country, the customs of your people, the reputation of our society, the example which will be set for future devotees to follow, like that. For *karmis* , the Vedic system of marriage was given by Krsna so they may come gradually to the point of becoming devotees. But for devotees, it is advised to minimize sex life to the point of nil. So if that cannot be done, then there is regulation of sex life by marriage. Actually the system of polygamy is natural because the human entity is meant for transcending the animal forms of life and going back to home, back to Godhead. Therefore there should remain a class of men who do not marry in the society. But that will create an unfavorable situation of excessive population of unmarried women. Therefore it is advised that all women get themselves married, and if there is any man who is better able to maintain wife and family, he is advised to marry as many women as he can maintain and thereby free other men in the society to remain *brahmacari* . So I can understand that many men of our society have got themselves married only for some disastrous result. That means that not all of our men are meant for married life, but because there are so many women we may not leave them unprotected without husband, that will also not serve us well. ==Therefore it will be the best idea if those who are well qualified as husbands to keep more than one wife very much satisfied in every respect, if such men can marry more than once. That will free the others to remain brahmacari. But you must consider very carefully the possibility of becoming scandalized in the public for breaking their laws in this way.== And in future also the devotees who are neophyte may not understand our policy in this connection, and we gradually could wind up attracting only a class of men who are very eager for unlimited sex life only. These things must be avoided at all cost." (SPL to Karandhara, 9th January. 1973) ==73-02 "I have received your letter concerning polygamy and feel that this policy must be strictly prohibited within our Society. If it is not it shall only cause chaos, as what was possible under the system of pure Vedic culture is impossible at the present time*." ([[letters/1973/730210_karandhara|Karandhara, 10 February, 1973]]) ==73-02 "After conferring with my various GBC representatives I have concluded that polygamy must be strictly prohibited in our society.== Although it is a Vedic institution still there are so many legal implications. Neither are many of our men fixed up enough to tend for more than one wife. Polygamy will simply increase the sex life and our philosophy is to gradually decrease the sex life till eventually there is no sex life. The policy should be that all the women are given the utmost protection. Women are looking for husbands because they feel unprotected so it is up to the senior members to give all protection to the women." ([[letters/1973/730214_rupanuga|Rupanuga, 14 February, 1973]]) *** 73-02 "First let us understand that ==polygamy cannot be permitted in our society. Legally it is impossible and neither are there many of our devotees who are prepared to assume the responsibility for many wives.== Therefore as I have suggested previously as they do in Christian religion they have so many convents where the women stay and they receive protection. The point is that the women must be protected and it is the duty of the leaders of our society to see that this is carried out" ([[letters/1973/730219_kirtika|Satsvarupa, 19 February, 1973]]) ==74-11 "No, devotees are not allowed more than one wife. Devotees should have no wife if possible, but those who cannot maintain celibacy, they can marry one wife. At the present moment people are so unfortunate they cannot maintain even one wife. First of all, at the present moment they are not married and remain mostly unmarried. So for such persons even one wife is a great burden. Under the circumstances how one can think of more than one wife? This is stupidity."== ([[letters/1974/741124_bhakta_dasa|Sukadeva dasa, 24 November, 1974]]) ==75-07 "Regarding your taking a second wife, you cannot do this. At least you cannot stay in our temple in Vrndavana. If you want to take a second wife, then you have to leave our Vrindavana temple. Whether you can maintain them and take some job and earn? Our temples cannot support you and your two wives. You will then want three, four, and more. Anyway as an American it is illegal for you to do this. We are trying to minimize sex and you are trying to increase it. Please give up this idea."== ([[letters/1975/750713_narottamananda|Narottamananda dasa, 13 July, 1975]]) ==75-09 "Regarding the question of second marriage, it cannot be done. Neither the law will allow it and neither we can encourage it.== If they want to marry more than one wife, they must live outside our temples in their own arrangements. We have no objection if he does it, but it must be done outside the temple. It cannot be done inside the temple jurisdiction. Outside he can work, earn money, and if he wants he can maintain 16,000 wives. But ==he must go outside the society. Within the society only one marriage can be allowed.== I thought these boys and girls will be married and be happy. But, I see that they are not satisfied. In the Western countries they are trained up in a different way. Jumping from one to another. Another wife, another husband. This is the disease all over the world. Simply by agreement, then cancelled, then another agreement. Everyone wants more than one wife, that is human nature. This means their mind is not being diverted to Krsna. Because they are not Madan-Mohan, they are *madana dahan* , they are in the Cupid's fire. You want them to have more wives under GBC supervision. You will supply the maintenance? What is this nonsense? They must go outside the society to do it. And, the sort of marriage where they are not satisfied cannot be allowed. Nor can women with child strictly she cannot many again." ([[letters/1975/750907_balavanta|Bhagavan dasa, 7 September, 1975]]) ==75-11 "Regarding the devotee taking a second wife, it is all right from Vedic culture, but is not right from American law viewpoint. That you have to adjust."== ([[letters/1975/751109_jagadisa|Satsvarupa Maharaja, 9 November, 1975]]) *** 76-11 This incident with the president of our Washington temple is not good. ==He can’t even maintain one wife. Just see how lusty he is. Now he'll dare to take another. Anyway he cannot live in the temple. If he wants two wives it must be done outside. He should maintain his family by working and give 50% to the temple.== He may not live off temple funds. Temple president is generally meant for sannyasi, but a grhastha may be if he is restrained. It is not good if he remains as president." ([[letters/1976/761108_rupanuga|Rupanuga, 8 November, 1976]])