# Āmār Jīvan My Life (from Śaraṇāgati) ### Text One > āmāra jīvana, sadā pāpe rata, > nāhiko puṇyera leṣa > parere udvega, diyāchi ye koto, > diyāchi jīvere kleśa **Synonyms** *āmāra* — my; *jīvana* — life; *sadā* — always; *pāpe* — in sinful activities; *rata* — engaged; *nāhiko* — there is not; *puṇyera* — of pious activities; *leṣa* — a trace; *parere* — to others; *udvega* — anxiety; *diyāchi* — I am inclined to give; *ye* — who; *koto* — great; *diyāchi* — I give; *jīvere* — to living entities; *kleśa* — suffering. **Translation** My life is always engaged in sinful activities, without a trace of pious activities. I am always inclined to give great anxiety and trouble to other living entities. ### Text Two > nija sukha lāgi', pāpe nāhi ḍori, > dayā-hīna svārtha-paro > para-sukhe duḥkhī, sadā mithya-bhāṣī, > para-duḥkha sukha-karo **Synonyms** *nija* — my own; *sukha* — sense gratification; *lāgi'* — for; *pāpe* — in sinful activity; *nāhi* — there is no; *ḍori* — restraint; *dayā* — mercy; *hīna* — devoid of; *sva-artha* — to my personal interest; *paro* — I am dedicated; *para* — of others; *sukhe* — in the happiness; *duḥkhī* — I am unhappy; *sadā* — always; *mithya* — false; *bhāṣī* — words; *para* — of others; *duḥkha* — the misery; *sukha* — my happiness; *karo* — makes. **Translation** For my personal sense gratification, I never reject any kind of sinful activity. I am not at all merciful, and I see only to my personal interest. When others are suffering I become very happy, I am always speaking lies, and if someone is suffering, that is very pleasant to me. ### Text Three > āśeṣa kāmanā, hṛdi mājhe mora, > krodhī, dambha-parāyaṇa > mada-matta sadā, viṣaye mohita, > hiṁsā-garva vibhūṣaṇa **Synonyms** *āśeṣa* — endless; *kāmanā* — material desires; *hṛdi* — the heart; *mājhe* — in; *mora* — my; *krodhī* — I am angry; *dambha* — to deceit; *parāyaṇa* — dedicated; *mada* — mad; *matta* — with intoxication; *sadā* — always; *viṣaye* — in sense gratification; *mohita* — captivated; *hiṁsā* — malice; *garva* — false pride; *vibhūṣaṇa* — ornaments. **Translation** I have lots of material desires within my heart and am always angry and deceitful. I am captivated by subject matters of sense gratification and am almost crazy. My ornaments are malice and false pride. ### Text Four > nidrālasya hata, sukārye virata, > akārye udyogī āmi > pratiṣṭha lāgiyā, śāṭhya-ācaraṇa, > lobha-hata sadā kāmī **Synonyms** *nidra* — by sleep; *ālasya* — by laziness; *hata* — attacked; *sukārye* — to pious activities; *virata* — averse; *akārye* — of impious activities; *udyogī* — a performer; *āmi* — I am; *pratiṣṭha* — prestige; *lāgiyā* — for the sake of; *śāṭhya* — cheating; *ācaraṇa* — behavior; *lobha* — by greed; *hata* — conquered; *sadā* — always; *kāmī* — a lusty person. **Translation** I am conquered by sleep and laziness and am always averse to pious activities, but I am very enthusiastic to perform impious activities. I always cheat others for my prestige, I am conquered by greed, and I am always lusty. ### Text Five > e heno durjana, saj-jana-varjita, > aparādhi nirantara > śubha-kārya-śūnya, sadānartha-manāḥ, > nānā duḥkhe jara jara **Synonyms** *e* — a; *heno* — such; *durjana* — fallen person; *saj-jana* — with devotees of the Lord; *varjita* — devoid of association; *aparādhi* — an offender; *nirantara* — always; *śubha* — auspicious; *kārya* — activity; *śūnya* — devoid; *sadā* — always; *anartha* — mischievous; *manāḥ* — mind; *nānā* — all kinds of; *duḥkhe* — sufferings; *jara jara* — very old age. **Translation** I am so fallen, I have no association with devotees, and I am always an offender. In my life there is not a bit of auspicious activity, and my mind is always attracted by something mischievous. Therefore, at the fag end of my life I have become almost an invalid because of all such sufferings. ### Text Six > bārdhakye ekhona, upāya-vihīna, > tā'te dīna akiñcana > bhakativinoda, prabhura caraṇe, > kore duḥkha nivedana **Synonyms** *bārdhakye* — in old age; *ekhona* — now; *upāya* — an alternative means; *vihīna* — without; *tāte* — therefore; *dīna* — humble; *akiñcana* — poor; *bhakativinoda* — Bhaktivinoda; *prabhura* — of the Lord; *caraṇe* — to the lotus feet; *kore* — makes; *duḥkha* — with sadness; *nivedana* — offering. **Translation** Now in my old age, with no alternative, I have by force become very humble and meek. Thus Bhaktivinoda offers this sad statement of his life's activities at the lotus feet of the Supreme Lord.