# Cc. Antya 1.152 ## Text > yasyotsaṅga-sukhāśayā śithilitā gurvī gurubhyas trapā > prāṇebhyo 'pi suhṛt-tamāḥ sakhi tathā yūyaṁ parikleśitāḥ > dharmaḥ so 'pi mahān mayā na gaṇitaḥ sādhvībhir adhyāsito > dhig dhairyaṁ tad-upekṣitāpi yad ahaṁ jīvāmi pāpīyasī ## Synonyms *yasya*—of whom; *utsaṅga*-*sukha*-*āśayā*—by the desire for the happiness of the association; *śithilitā*—slackened; *gurvī*—very great; *gurubhyaḥ*—unto the superiors; *trapā*—bashfulness; *prāṇebhyaḥ*—than My life; *api*—although; *suhṛt*-*tamāḥ*—more dear; *sakhi*—O My dear friend; *tathā*—similarly; *yūyam*—you; *parikleśitāḥ*—so much troubled; *dharmaḥ*—duties to My husband; *saḥ*—that; *api*—also; *mahān*—very great; *mayā*—by Me; *na*—not; *gaṇitaḥ*—cared for; *sādhvībhiḥ*—by the most chaste women; *adhyāsitaḥ*—practiced; *dhik* *dhairyam*—to hell with patience; *tat*—by Him; *upekṣitā*—neglected; *api*—although; *yat*—which; *aham*—I; *jīvāmi*—am living; *pāpīyasī*—the most sinful. ## Translation **'Desiring the happiness of His association and embraces, My dear friend, I disregarded even My superiors and relaxed My shyness and gravity before them. Furthermore, although you are My best friend, more dear to Me than My own life, I have given you so much trouble. Indeed, I even put aside the vow of dedication to My husband, a vow kept by the most elevated women. Oh, alas! Although He is now neglecting Me, I am so sinful that I am still living. Therefore I must condemn My so-called patience.'** ## Purport Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī is speaking this verse (*Vidagdha-mādhava* 2.41) to Her intimate friend Viśākhādevī.